Why Loneliness Hits the Young Hardest (Dr. Anthony Silard)

Picture a hand-written sign taped to a bus stop in Japan: "I'm 87, I don't have a family. Would some family take me?" No one answered. He died a couple of months later. That story, from my guest this week, is the starkest snapshot I've ever heard of what loneliness researcher Dr. Anthony Silard calls a global epidemic, and the twist is who it's hitting hardest: not the oldest of us, but the youngest. Anthony is a professor of Leadership and Organizational Psychology and an internationally recognized authority on relationships, emotional intelligence, and personal transformation, and he's the author of the new book Love and Suffering: Break the Emotional Chains that Prevent You from Experiencing Love. We get into the real difference between loneliness (which he calls the trash) and solitude (the treasure), his four-plateau model for moving toward love, and why parents need to be their kid's "emotion elevator" instead of handing over a screen every time a feeling gets hard. Anthony also makes the case, backed by his own research, for ditching "forgive and forget" for good: forgiveness is something you do for yourself, trust is something you decide about the relationship, and they are not the same choice. If you've ever wondered whether you're lonely or just alone, or you've been calling resentment "forgiveness" without realizing it, this conversation hands you the language for both. Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nkiYyQ_Nj-U In this episode Why today's loneliest generation isn't the oldest, it's the youngest, and what's driving it The real difference between loneliness (trash) and solitude (treasure), and how to move toward the second Why "forgive and forget" is bad advice, and what to do instead: forgive and remember, lightly The difference between forgiveness (for you) and trust (for the relationship), and why you can have one without the other What it means to be your child's "emotion elevator," and what happens when that job gets outsourced to a screen Why comparing yourself to everyone else on your bus is quietly making loneliness worse Timestamps (00:01) Welcome and guest intro: meet Dr. Anthony Silard, author of Love and Suffering (01:49) Why Anthony studies loneliness: his own early experience with it (03:14) The exponential rise in loneliness since the first iPhone (06:15) The loneliness epidemic by the numbers: the Cigna study, the UK's minister for loneliness, and the 87-year-old's sign (09:34) Loneliness vs. solitude: trash and treasure (12:14) Why today's loneliest generation is the youngest, not the oldest (16:58) Being your child's "emotion elevator," and the conversational duet (23:01) The decline of empathy, and the truth about the "self-absorption" myth (27:30) Why "forgive and forget" is bad advice (28:27) Forgiveness vs. trust: two different decisions (31:14) Where to find Anthony and his free books About Dr. Anthony Silard Dr. Anthony Silard is a professor of Leadership and Organizational Psychology and an internationally recognized authority in relationships, leadership, emotional intelligence, relational healing, and personal transformation. He earned his doctorate at IESE Business School in Barcelona and is one of the two most-published researchers on loneliness in organizations, alongside Sarah Wright in New Zealand. He's the author of Love and Suffering: Break the Emotional Chains that Prevent You from Experiencing Love (2025) and the previous book Screened In: The Art of Living Free in the Digital Age, and he coaches CEOs and senior leaders at companies including Toyota, Apple, Google, and Boeing. Learn more at Anthony's website, or grab his two free books, "The Myth of Happiness" and "The Myth of Friendship." Favorite quotes "Loneliness is a negative distressing emotion associated with being alone. Solitude is a positive strengthening emotion associated with being alone." —Dr. Anthony Silard "Resentment is what you feel while the other person's out dancing." —Dr. Anthony Silard "Trust is necessary for relationship development." —Dr. Anthony Silard Resources mentioned Love and Suffering: Break the Emotional Chains that Prevent You from Experiencing Love, Anthony's book on his four-plateau "love progression model" Screened In: The Art of Living Free in the Digital Age, Anthony's previous book on screens and relationships Two free books: "The Myth of Happiness" and "The Myth of Friendship," available at TheArtOfLivingFree.org The Cigna loneliness study (2018 and 2020) cited on the rise in adult American loneliness Related episodes Beyond Forgive and Forget: The Real Secret to Letting Go: a deeper dive into exactly the forgiveness-vs-trust distinction Anthony draws in this episode Curiosity: The Bridge to Connection: more on what it actually takes to move from isolation to real connection Vulnerability, Authenticity, and Connection: An Interview with Coach Lee Hopkins: another conversation on what genuine connection requires Subscribe & connect If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show. Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here. Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz