The Council of Me

The thing about anxiety is it thinks it can and should control everythingThe tyrant of lore, no matter how well-intentionedAn inner despot who wants us to thinkIf listened to, will guide us to a knowable future in an unknowable worldThis is not a benevolent monarch, even if it tries to sway us with “we’ll be peaceful” languageBack to Whitman:We are large, we contain multitudesAnd creating space for our multitudes to breathe, coexist, and contribute to the totality of beingFeels like an inner modeling of creating peace in the worldThere can’t be one ruler, even if benevolentThere can be one organizing principleBut even that feels limited.Think about it: Air is essential to life. Period.But maybe that period should be a comma, becauseWater is essential to life, too. And food. And love. And the list goes onEvery time we try to make life one thing, it blossoms out into fractalsDexterity with this constant evolving, that’s where the magic isA kind of fluidity that we are not taught in our culture so have a hard time trustingWhat’s leading the way is an inner allegiance to wholenessThis is where the whole self care movement is sourcedInstead of allegiance to ‘perform your prescribed role to contribute to society’There’s growing space for:‘Learn to sense and express what’s actually alive in you to help create society’I’d say that’s an upgradeGetting to know ourselves, not just who we think we’re supposed to be, but who we areIs a sacred journeyI grew up Catholic, but even there, God can’t be reduced to a single entityThe triune nature of the divine is important and meaningfulSo, i think three is the bare minimum number of seats at our inner council roundtableAnd, in my experience, as I’ve been addressing the parts of myself that cry out in pain in different circumstancesEvery time I shut myself down earlier in my life, I created a frozen part that just wants to be heard and cared forI think I’ve mentioned before, the what are you feeling/what do you need ritualHas reduced my seating count enormouslyLike, I used to need the grand ballroom for the council of me to conveneNow I can just use a conference roomAnd little by little, I’m identifying as the room, not the points of view in the chairsWhich helps me listen more openlyThis feels like a rich laboratoryFor listening, sensing, responding, reorganizingAnd I’ve come to understandThere is no exiling, no matter how exasperating the partBut the good news isEach day we breathe, we can make a fresh choiceEvery new integration offers a new level of maturityAnd life itself is guiding our progressOur inner council meetings might feel like a rave or a recovery meetingBut in each case brings dynamic council, rich with ambassadorsPlaying a game of musical chairs where we add more as necessaryWithout a throne in sight This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fallingtenderly.substack.com