The Creative Power of Relationships

In the beginningThere was hydrogen and gravityGravity gathered hydrogenBuilding heatForging starsWithin those starsGravity + hydrogen became kinetic energy became fusionCreating the elementsFirst helium, then carbon, then oxygen…Eventually all of the material worldAnd all of the invisible energetic forcesIn all of the permutations of the universeFrom giant stars to a baby porcupineAll of thisstarted from one relationshipAnd the dynamics at playStarted billions of years agoAnd ongoingCreative in every moment.When I was littleI believed that the stars were planetsOn which my other choices were actualizedSo, if I wanted peanut butter and jellyBut got a tuna sandwichOn some planet, i was happily munching a PB&JOn some planet, that bully was a friendOn some planet, my dad wasn’t dyingI remember looking at the starsWondering which was whichNot jealous, really, but tenderGlad that at least some version of me had what I wantedWondering what wish they had that I was unknowingly fulfilling.I’m a little embarrassed to admitI am not thoroughly convinced that childhood paradigm isn’t trueIt’s wildly complex - every choice having a different realityMultiplied by 8 billion people and all the choices we make each dayAnd those made for usIt’s bigger than my imagination can begin to conceiveIt actually hurts to tryWhich brings me toThe peace of God which passeth all understandingWhen I seek to understand this vast universe and all its complexityThere’s something fun and exciting and engagingBut ultimately, it's too muchIts too big and I feel empty and frustrated in my tryingWhen i can sit and breathe and listenExperience surpasses any desire for understandingWhich actually feels like a distractionI know more processes than i can count are going on right here in my own bodyAnd i don’t have to worry about any of themIt becomes an experiential softnessAnd that peace arisesIn my body, and in my nervous systemAnd it is restorativeI sit, as many times per day as I can musterSometimes for just a breath or threein that softnessThat is both still and carrying all the motionIt lets me along for the rideAnd i can trust itAnd let it carry meBecause i cannot carry myself, no matter how hard i tryBut that peace?That peace is possible, if only for a few minutes a dayTrusting in whatever made that first element and that first forceAnd is continuing to make all of thisEven a glimpse of that peaceIn my bodyIn my breathIn my heartBrings me into relationship with lifeInstead of trying to orchestrate itLetting it orchestrate meIn concert with you and all of creationBecause relationship is what created usAnd it is surely what will sustain us This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fallingtenderly.substack.com