The Dead Names #19: Erich "Freya" Swartz

This one hits home for me because I also lost my fiance in my 20s due to his complex medical circumstances that were sadly hereditary or secondary to his history of severe sepsis and multisystem organ failure. He was 26. I do not have an urn for us to share. His organs are interred in the bodies of several strangers. I have folded starburst wrapper cranes protected by resin somewhere in a cedar box, next to a program from his memorial at the Berkeley Botanical Gardens, a place he loved to frequent. I have egg whites he taught me to mix into cocktails for the taste. I have the knowledge of connective tissue disorders and symptomatology that he imparted through years of his genetically foretold misery. I have the compassion he showed me when no one would ackowledge my worsening pain from my rare syndrome, but he was always looking for others like him who did not yet know why they were hurting. And I have the rainbow baby of my own life now, which continues forward. I hope this woman who survived this man, can keep finding her way forward. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe