Ex Marks the Rot

Here we have a woman who outgrew her dysphoria after taking testosterone and removing her breasts. She struggles now with the grief over the fact that no one was able to help her in a way that didn’t require she change herself. So at this point in her healing, trans was still what kept her alive, not herself. They saved her and she was saved. She was the patent, acted upon, not the survivor willing to do anything if it meant getting thrive the night and staying on this rock. She's realizing that her authentic detrans self is not taken seriously. Because the ideology is an authority she's not ready to challenge, she blames the transphobic detransitioners for the fact her emotional needs are still not being met by the trans community and its allies. She’s not yet named that anger at being blatantly lied to about her possible prognosis. She is still in a denial mode where she does not regret the permanent changes even in the absence of the reason for them. I also used to say I didn’t regret my transition and that I merely outgrew it, but eventually the warm glow of reclaiming your womanhood has to be seen alongside the fact that the cure I was sold was alleged to be the only answer. I had to be willing to look at the harm that was done unnecessarily. Time was also a cure. Some do grow out of it. Yet the experts pretend otherwise. They told me it was permanent when it wasn’t ever proven to be so. They told me I would always feel this way completely without justification. Now we know we could have waited for it to resolve. Now one must question, did the hormones actually delay that maturation process by which we outgrew dysphoria? I believe so. The hormones disrupt your awareness of your uncomfortable predicament, so you feel less emotional pain, at the cost of reduced emotional processing and therefore personal growth. When all the while, watchful waiting and supportive care for safety and healing would have led to the same outcome, minus the bodily injuries and loss of functionI hope this woman finds her way to support groups at organizations like Genspect and Beyond Trans. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

I have laryngitis this week so please enjoy this essay about this video in lieu of a video.Gender ideology begins its machinations by destabilizing your sense of what you know about sex differences. One such difference is the strength and size differential. The destabilization is aimed at undermining your knowledge that these differences are DUE TO “sex,” and getting you to imagine a fanciful world where men eat more because they are socialized to be big and strong, and this leads to them becoming bigger and stronger. Since women are socialized to be thin and small, we eat less, thus becoming smaller adults. Yes, this is silly, but it is an indoctrination process, and there is a doctrinaire docent affirming you when you are leaving the rational, scientific part of your mind, your experiential knowledge and what you know to be true, and entering the dark fantasyland where anything is possible and probably it will help somehow to self-harm.About 18 months into my use of hormone therapy to suppress my natural estrogen, stop my natural cycling, and have a mild androgenic/anabolic effect - resulting in getting as jacked as I have ever been in my life and objectively stronger and more muscular than I am physically capable of becoming while having normal estrogen cycles (I’ve tried! It just does not work the same) - I had a similar belief that I had in some sense, caught up to male biology and become man-like in my strength and stamina. I was quite open about this belief, and few challenged me, both because it would be disaffirming of my gender, and because I was, shall we say, less open to patient attempts to reason with me. I knew what I knew, if you disagreed, you must be wrong, and that was that. So one day, a man decided to show me rather than tell me, and challenged me to wrestle, and in about 4 minutes, I had what my ex-Scientologist parent used to term a “severe reality adjustment.” I came out of that interaction questioning what I had been taught in gender class. This man was my exact height and weight and we seemed to have a similar amount of muscle mass, yet he easily defeated me, as though his opponent had been a pool noodle or a raggedy Ann doll. The veil of my temple of gender had been torn apart in that moment.This woman may be confronting a similar crisis of faith. Her belief is that if she takes drugs to look like a man, and identifies as a man, then she is a man. As a trans man, she’s arguably more passable than man (certainly more than myself). She likely had similar beliefs about her own strength compared to actual men. So she went up to this strange man on the street with a swagger of a thousand Chads and said, “What did you say to me?!” in an apparently aggressive manner, and somehow, this lead her to be struck, according to her. I am skeptical that even that happened, as it seems to me that a punch that knocks out your teeth should injure your lip in some way, but assuming it did, her immediate conclusion was not that she had passed as a man and been struck for starting an argument with another man she did not know. Instead, she retreated into her actual sex category, with its coat of gender, and concluded that she was beaten up for being a female dressed as a male, not for being an aggressive, confrontational man. She did not expect violence, because compared to men, women are actually far less likely to experience male violence. The only kind of violence we are more likely to experience than men, is sexualized violence. But our overall risk of male violence is low, as men tend to fight each other.She assumes no one wanted to call 911 because they did not want to “get in the way” of systemic violence against trans people, but it is more likely to me that they did not want to call 911 because they could see the situation had resolved and she did not need emergency medical attention. She also expresses frustration that no one wanted to film the altercation. Perhaps this is because the altercation was incredibly short-lived, and perhaps it speaks to her intent in starting the aggressive confrontation “at the beginning of pride month.” It sounds to me like there is a possibility that she was hoping to be victimized and have it go viral at the beginning of pride month for a political reason, and was disappointed that other people could see her intentions and motives clearly, and chose not to involve themselves. But perhaps she was just introduced to the world men actually live in, where they are 2-3 times more likely to be punched on the street by another man than a woman is. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

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This self-confessed patricidal trans womaniac, Colin “Mia” Bailey. No relation to infamous lolcow Laurelai Bailey, to my knowledge. He claimed his mom interfered with his gender transition. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

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She rebels by shaving her hair off, because she was apparently keeping her hair long because her male partner preferred her to look a certain way. She’s still incredibly confused. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

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This guy is a real piece of work with a capital S. Here’s a summary. He's a cluster B mega genius with a 181 IQ.He admits he was assigned male at birth despite being born with no penis, a vagina, a womb, an ovary, and an ovotestes. He then claims he was jack-o-lanterned at birth, stating at different times that one or both of his gonads were removed, and that he had a hormone deficiency in adolescence because he was immune to hormones due to his intersex disorder.At age 5, he claims he was given a “hybrid phalloplasty.”He elsewhere claims his mother and stepfather refused to correct his hormone deficiency despite knowing that his gonads were removed at birth. Yet they had him assigned male, took his ovaries and gave him a penis due to being evil. He claims to have both true and pseudohermaphroditism, as well as XX/XY chimerism.He claims he was given a phalloplasty with erectile device when he was still very young, against his will at age 4 or 5 (reverse David Reimer). He claims despite the phalloplasty and the infant hysterectomy, oophorectomy and vaginectomy, and being assigned male, he was treated as female. His evil mother gave him a penis but refused him testosterone. He claims his hormone deficiency, not the Y chromosome, led him to look masculine as an adolescent. He admits he has been on feminizing hormone therapy since he was around 19, and is 22 currently. He claims he is prescribed low-dose testosterone as part of his intersex hormone replacement therapy, though the dose he claims to be prescribed is too high for his alleged prescription to adequately cover in the time it is supposed to cover. He claims he is prescribed 0.05ml of 200mg/ml bottle (so, 10mg of testosterone, presumably per day, or 280 mg per month - more than you’d get out of one 200mg vial per month). This is also about twice what women are typically prescribed for true female HRT (testosterone is increasingly recognized as an essential hormone for women, and in fact is essential to normal female fertility, meaning true female CAIS - female androgen insensitivity - might present as idiopathic ovarian failure).He intends to feed his moob juice to babies.He is a pornographer who sells “girldick” videos. For the sake of due diligence, I investigated slightly (just the proverbial tip). He didn’t get the kind of phalloplasty he’s claiming he got from his evil mother at age 5. That’s not where that organ came from. That’s not what FTM phalloplasties look like. He was plenty androgen sensitive as an adolescent. I have seen enough. I'm protecting your innocence. You're welcome.He does not like terfs and cis lesbians. So my conclusion is that he got this testosterone prescription as a trans identified male who is legally female and pretending to be an “intersex woman,” and proceeded to begin distributing this controlled substance to the women in his life. While he has not admitted to distributing it to the two previous FTM partners he claims “accidentally” sexually assaulted him within a few weeks of starting testosterone, I do have to wonder.Getting “rapejacketed” is a major concern for this serial victim of pre and early transition afab rapists. He did admit to distributing the testosterone to a woman who, if I understand him correctly, permitted him to move in with her due to his need for housing. He’s characterized her as a roommate to downplay the depths of his narcissistic coercive control, but admits he was also sleeping with this woman. Here's where he again accuses her of having stolen the testosterone he gave her. His description of this alleged theft places it after the incident when he was in jail, but here he is clearly suggesting she stole the bottle he admits he gave her, and it sounded like the police only recovered one bottle from her, so I think the entire theft story is a lie to downplay the fact that if his story is true, she had a bad reaction to what he illegally injected her with despite his concerns over the interaction with the mental illness he believed she had and was not medicated for. I believe this is why he admits she was not charged. Using his 181 IQ and cutting edge medical research (he’s a future doctor, don’tcha know, and basically a subject matter expert due to his extensive knowledge of his intersex condition /s) he seems to have convinced her that her bipolar disorder, which he alleges she has and was not on medication for, might be a side effect of gender dysphoria. He also told her trans men inherently need testosterone to function correctly.Because of her mental health, supposedly, she missed her appointment to actually get a prescription for this controlled substance from a medical doctor who had reviewed her specific health history and assessed her for comorbidities like active mania. Because of his genius, though, our friend Ari here was well aware of the fact that giving testosterone to a young woman at a male dose might precipitate a bipolar manic episode. But he did it anyway. And he lied. And not only that, he did it twice, and he did it a third time when he distributed another vial to her friend. Not only that, he injected her with the mystery drug he produced from his room. Who knows what was even in that vial! He tacitly conceded it could have been laced with the suggestion they fought when she was on “god kows what else.” He used the accusation she had stolen the bottle (which he alleged she did after he was already in jail but still elsewhere libeled her and said during the fight she was on stolen drugs, despite admitting to injecting her) to get her to drop the domestic violence charges. I think he's editorializing her admission to having them to an admission to stealing them also.He also has given multiple accounts of what led up to the conflict, including apparently crying rape again. This is clearly a dude who is sexually fixated. Seems to be a chronic issue. He’s clearly knowledgeable about drugs - he even agrees with me that depo provera is poison that should really not be used for birth control when actual progesterone is right there - and so the question is, what did he even inject her with that he says made her go crazy, just like those other FTMs that he says became violent towards him right after they somehow got injected with testosterone? Maybe he laced it. He’s clearly not trying to follow the law or be honest. And he’s admitted to having an interest in forced masculinization of women on his X profile. He's essentially a living archetype of this subtype of “trans woman,” who uses an elaborate medical justification for why you need to respect his pronouns and why he really is a female, unlike those other trans women. But as with others I've documented - Dalea Rundblad, Eli Rubashkyn, to name a couple - they often do not understand the disorders well enough to keep them mentally separated. And intersex faking men often lash out against the women they long to embody. This is who they want to put in women's prisons. No males belong in female jails. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

No Sanders were harmed in the making of this video. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

Dysphoria cured. Another life, saved. Mental health: Completely restored by the magic of testosterone. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

Jazz visits the top surgeon Russell F. Sassani to discuss his tuberous breast deformity. He feels disfigured. Yet Jeanette encourages him to shake the girls for the camera, which he does compliantly, due to his Bacha Bazi style conditioning. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

Jazz wants cosmetic “top surgery” (a category that inclues male and female breast reductions and augmentations) to correct his “disfigured” chest. Jeanette shows the crack whence her personality originated. Greg does Ash Ketchum cosplay. Griffin gets a few zingers off. Sander throws a Sandtrum when his mom climbed a tree right after he hurt his knee. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

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Previous videos:Part 1Part 2 This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

Right before this photo was taken, I had shouted “where my bitches at,” because I was a man and that's how men talk to women, and women who were presenting as women did so because they welcomed that talk. I was immediately told where the bear shits on the topic of calling women bitches by the woman on my left, who was kind enough to still dance with me. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

Part 1 hereUpdate to this story: Correction: Joshua’s name was on the custody paperwork, not the name change paperwork. A source closer to the situation contacted me to disclose that Brody does have additional living relatives, including his father, whose parental rights were said to have been terminated prior to Brody’s legal transition, and therefore it would not have been perjurious to represent to the court that Brody, now legally known as Melody, only had one living legal parent. Samantha was alleged to have alienated Brody from them, which seems consistent with her Tiktoks. It's unclear to me why the court attempted to serve him in 2024 if his rights were terminated prior to 2022. I am optimistic I'll have more information in the near future about this story, so stay tuned for updates. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

David Arthur Kendall is supposedly an ex-transgender prostitute who spent most of the 80s and 90s either spreading HIV or nearly dying from aids, at least until Jesus cured him. Thanks, Jesus. He is now a detrans activist who was nearly platformed in a detransitioner documentary a few years ago. I am not mentioning the name of the documentary due to the fact that the other producers quickly cut him from the film when I and MANY others brought his history and confessions to their attention. He was platformed by none other than my most femme nemesis, “desister” and terf activist Joey Brite, who I first encountered when she attempted to recruit me into a campaign against a trans widow GC content creator Ute Heggen for being the wrong kind of Jew and using a term Brite decided was not hers to use. Ute was purportedly appropriating the extremely European term “grass widow” from Judaism (despite the fact she is herself a Jewish convert). I immediately pointed out, as a linguist, that “grass widow” had at best, a thematic similarity to the Hebrew/ Jewish term “agunah,” but did not derive from it or mean the same thing at all. Plus, etymologically, it began in Germany (strohwitwe) and spread from there, along with words like straw vote, straw poll, and straw man. The common theme of these words is that straw/grass means fake or false or imitation. I was accused of “weaponizing etymology.”Brite went after her over this for months and contacted her estranged adult children to tell them their mother was “in a meltdown mode” and needed psychiatric hospitalization. I was sent this exchange out of the blue. When I immediately told her I didn't support what she was doing, including sending me the names and photos of this woman's relatives, and notified Heggen, Brite threatened me with a frivolous restraining order and tried to get people to report my channel for discussing the drama. To this day, Brite calls Kendall a “reformed man” (like she's in a position to know if he's still spreading HIV to men and boys by sabotaging condoms).Now Brite has recruited another former transgender prostitute turned detrans activist, a man who threatens to physically brutalize specific younger women (not me, I'm older) that he dislikes. He fantasizes about them being raped in writing. Ariannna Laureanno was tasked with spreading the absurd idea that I “destroyed” the sex offender because I hate gay men. Apparently, this is what Ari thinks gay men are generally like. I don't think anyone hates men as much as a man who tried to give as many men HIV in the 90s as he possibly could, but that's just me. To be clear, I genuinely hope I destroyed him, like he destroyed the lives of the victims he raped by deception, and their loved ones who were infected as a result of his rapist ways, as well as the child he was convicted of sexually offending against, and the children he got away with harming. He’s still trying to get people to believe he can't give them HIV. It stands to reason this predator still enjoys giving people a deadly virus by tricking them. I have no regrets about this destruction. Safeguarding isn't sexist just because rapists are typically men. Lyrics to the song “Trust Me, Bro” at the top. as a transgender prostitutei had so much rage and allbut I found myself an outletMy name is David Arthur KendallI was angry that a man gave me H I Vso I came up with a planto poke holes in the condomsand infect man after manso they’d infect their wivesAIDS rapistpedo in disguise!AIDS rapistpedo in disguise!that wasn’t all I didand I was never caughtyet I’m a sex offenderI was like whatit must have been his mothermaking the child lie about meeven though I was caught with a minorwho was only fifteenI’m the real victimaids rapist!pedo in disguiseaids rapist!pedo in disguisenow that I’m reformedand Jesus cured meI’m completely harmlessi won’t give you H I Vgive me a platformyou all can trust mecan I speak at a school board pleaseput me in a documentary it’ll be so affirmingaids rapist!pedo in disguiseaids rapist!pedo in disguiseyou can trust me bro This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

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So far, UCSF has reportedly not released a statement on her moment of public psychosis. Andy Ngo and Billboard Chris have more. She was identified by leftism4u first reportedly. Thoughts and prayers for Beth Bourne who has to put up with these ludicrous people day in and day out so I can stay home and make videos. I hope you get a restraining order and my reaction is to how absurd she is, not a commentary on whether you should take this threat seriously. You absolutely should. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

In this video, I react to an MD discussing the various drugs - other than testosterone - used to suppress menstruation in female transitioners. These include* Combined oral contraceptives (classic birth control), taken continuously (not as approved)* Continuous progestins including oral, injectable, and implanted* GNRH-As* Estrogen receptor modulators* Aromatase inhibitors* Endometrial Ablation* HysterectomyAnyone who tells you this is not a part of gender-affirming care for females is simply misinformed or motivated. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

I thought the hormones would help my dysphoria, because I never forgot how good the first injection felt - how excited I was to start my transition and take control of my phenotype. Instead, the hormones and the hormone suppression that resulted made me physically and mentally unwell. No one would point out a connection, even though this doctor clearly noticed one and documented it in his notes. They just kept arranging whatever off label hormones I thought might help, even when they didn't think so and despite my precarious mental state. The abdicated their responsibility to do no harm, in their quest to sell more drugs. The customer is always right. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

“A Noob Before Anubis”Lyrics: ExulansicMusic/Vocals: Suno AI This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

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This is the song at the end, inspired by Trans Friends Aren't Friends. Title is different because youtube. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

A woman gets a thigh flap phalloplasty. Her surgeon surprises her by putting the second leg graft on the back of the leg that donated the full thickness flap for the phallus, rather than the other leg as planned. This meant that she had to spend the recovery lying on a wound instead of having both wounds face up. She also has no idea if this horrible burning sensation, urinary urgency and bladder spasms are somehow potentially indicative of a UTI. Also, it feels strange because she still feels like she is peeing the same, but now it is going through this sprinkler mode skin tube. Dysphoria cured.The Cotard joke is of course a joke. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

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Jazz is forced to do random exercises by his physically coercive older brothers, who have no special qualifications to be Jazz’s personal trainer, and no empathy for his chemically-sabotaged body’s limitations. This results in Jazz becoming so overexerted that he vomits. Then they put him on a radio show so he can be encouraged by a random guy to kill himself. He fires back that it doesn’t matter what is between his legs, raising questions of why they are planning the penis inversion surgery. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

A young woman quits testosterone due to somehow developing a negative association with injections, despite the fact that many other forms of the drug exist such as gels and implants. After a period of time, she gets pregnant. Her fetus has a severe malformation. The doctors do not know what causes it, and it is highly associated with frequent UTIs and substance use that affects fetal development, for some reason, but they assure her, no, it cannot have been the boyjuice. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

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Jeanette hoards trash because she has an attachment to stuff. Jazz has an odd hypersexual episode in the car on the ride over to an event that Jeanette is forcing Jazz to do. Jazz visits a Gay-Straight Alliance (now called Gender Sexuality Alliance) club and meets a group of kaiescent young women with green hair. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

Mic got disconnected near the end, but I think it’s not so bad with the native mic. I was not up to redoing it. This clip really angered me. I wanted to vomit at several points trying to empathize with this predator dude to be able to explain his mindset. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

Jazz gets a replacement lupron implant, which breaks off in his arm mid-procedure, prompting his surgeon to suddenly remember he has an ultrasound machine. Jeanette does more drunk painting and starts bragging about how she forces Jazz to do stuff by telling him he has no choice in the matter. Jazz explains Jeanette is a hoarder who thinks trash is precious. Jazz has a severe skin reaction to the adhesive from the bandage, but the brain trust cannot figure it out until Dr. Olson-Kennedy gets on facetime. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

Backup Sander cannot figure out how to cut an onion. Jeanette goes on a boat and tells Jazz what to think. The kids put on a dance show. Jeanette wishes her kids would not grow up. Jazz goes to a creepy support group to talk about how imperfect his breasts are. There’s a nipnoper cameo. Nipnopery is framed as a political statement for the kids by the Pied Piper. Noelle explains he started hormones less than 2 months after being discharged from the psych ward. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

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What a clusterduck. This recording was from a public broadcast today on X. She’s deactivated again. All this started because she and ApostateAri perpetrated a completely unneccessary hoax about a non-existent medical report being ignored by a specific GC organization. I had already by this point reached out to her privately and she had privately confirmed in writing that these messages she sent were about me. She changed her profile and username when she reactivated.And yes, I did put it on blast. I felt pressured by her inappropriate (unlawful) disclosure to defuse the smear campaign, and because I was not the only person being targeted by this coordinating group which was acting unlawfully.Thank you for your patience as I process and integrate this reactivated traumatic experience and move on from it. I will be uploading more I Am Jazz reactions next. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

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Mood music above.Here’s some art I’ve done over Christmas. These are all acrylic and 4”x 6”. “The Cure”“Overnight Water is Poison”“Rainy Day on Broadway”“Candescent” “Safe at Last.”“Blame Canada” This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

Update belowLeta and others have been claiming publicly and privately that organizations have ignored medical reports from a physical exam of a specific person, documenting physical injuries, stemming from an event occurring this month.Here is where Boylan admitted this morning that I have been in touch with all relevant parties since the immediate aftermath.They've been insisting until now that I had no direct knowledge of the lack of physical exam. Even still, in this post, they allege conjecture. No, ma'am. I never “sought out” the alleged victim. Ari put me and many other people in touch with her to offer support. Now it's being turned against me because I noticed that they were lying, and as a survivor myself, I found that abhorrent and inexplicable. Here, Leta admits the “anonymous friends” accusing me are both part of this group that is now lying to protect the other lies. Leta says she never would out a rape victim. She's working her way through the Narcissist’s Prayer. That thing that she'd never do, she did. You can't relay an exchange where I have dialogue about when I reported my rape, without outing me as a rape victim. They have no information I want or need, also.I have not always gone to the police when men have hurt me. I'm not unusual. Many adult women would understand why this is not a believable smear. But Leta isn't most women. So she started with a ridiculous lie, and she exaggerates the lie every time it starts to falter. Saturday, it was 1. Now it's 2. Tomorrow it will be 4. In a few weeks, I will have pressured all living unreported rape survivors to report immediately. Mark my words. She'll keep embellishing. To summarize, I believe the alleged victim in this case, who has made no public statements. Anything publicly said about her by the group led by the woman who likes to weaponize embellished narratives of other women's experiences, should be viewed with suspicion. This young woman deserves support, not to be used as a pawn. I never got justice myself, even though I reported the next day. That was the point of my anecdote. But maybe I got too upset to finish the thought, and it came across wrong. I had no idea this woman had made it about her. The second woman doesn't exist, and likely was made up to gaslight the woman who betrayed me into thinking someone else told her the same thing. I rarely discuss this. I am very intentional about who I discuss it with. Or rather, I was, until Leta ignored my lack of consent tobeing outed as a rape victim as a set up for a smear. It's difficult to talk about. That's why I don't. This woman is no friend of survivors of either medical sexual abuse or other sexual violence. Update: they're now lying that I disclosed the rape at the Yolo Library event I spoke at in August. This is false. This was a completely unrelated incident I referenced. I characterized it as “sexual assault,” not rape. I did not report it to the police. Big part of why it's so ridiculous to suggest I think I'm better than other women just because one time, I reported the next day. This woman is no friend to rape survivors. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

The Vulture and the Little Girl, which is apparently considered “explicit” despite being an extremely famous image. I have been reflecting on how trans people really underestimate how much of their internal struggle is religious trauma, often with Christians, often their parents. I can’t think of any other reason so many people see my videos and conclude I’m somehow trying to save trans people who are already halfway down the walls of the Sarlacc pit, if not deep in the proverbial belly of the beast. Then they notice I also do not seem to be catering to them, and this leads to concluding, I am doing it wrong.This Substack is reader-supported. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.Some will come to me to explain that I don’t realize how to better adjust my messaging and tone to be more popular with the trans community I am allegedly trying to “reach.” Use their pronouns! Use their fantasy no-ball name! Just call them trans women! That will make them more likely to listen to you! You’ll be able to save these people from the cult! Pull them back from the brink of castration and we can all live happily ever after with catheters on the house. But this is a zombie apocalypse-type situation. I cannot save those who are already too far gone, I will only be risking my own time and energy attempting to save them, and so I am not opening the door. I radically don't try to save trans people. They are not the main characters in this story. They are a mixture of the already-fallen and the villains.This expectation is stemming, I believe, from the fact that culturally, they are used to being centered. They further expect to have Christians trying to save them, because that's what Christians are trying to do. Christians want to find the fallen and pick them back up. And that’s so nice of them! They’ve certainly helped pick me up repeatedly when I needed some saving, like the time I was in Turkey trying to find a rabies vaccine and the person who helped me was a Christian missionary and complete stranger, who was there to be helpful to expatriates. There’s plenty of those types in the GC sphere. But that’s simply not me. While I attended Lutheran school and consider myself Biblically literate, while I do try to be helpful in my own way, Christian evangelicism is very much a second language. My default spiritual operating system of Scientology (now obsolesced) is not as common as the Christian mindset, which I was not really exposed to until middle school. Scientology has a diametrically opposed view of your role in other people's lives and the amount of effort you are expected to put forth to save the salvation-resistant and the help-phobic. You are here to do you, boo, and other people are either on board with that because they're your bros from the beforetimes when you were spaceghosts, or they'll get in your way because they're haters (SPs or “suppressive persons”) you should avoid so hard you minesweeper that shit and avoid their friends (PTS or “potential trouble sources”) too. That's it. That's my summary of Diabetics or whatever the Ron’s book was called. But that’s my starting point. So I am not here to be evangelical. I’m not here to save. I’m not attempting to extricate anyone from their own nightmarish and predictable existence. I’m here to learn, to know, and to speak to that, to those who want to hear and have ears to listen.So I’m really not trying to “save” trans people. I'm not going to go over there and reason with them for their sake. I'm not their mom. I'm here to document the horrors for the benefit of the pretrans, the detrans, and the trans-enduring, as I've said from day 1. When I engage, it is in pursuit of that goal. It is to establish rapport, coax desired information, illustrate a logic tree I've already discerned, practice dialectics for myself, or for the propaganda value of the public exchange. But saving them? They're already lost. They're already in the pit by choice or because their own parents threw them in. I cannot cool their burning tongue with a single drop from my smallest finger. I'm not Jesus nor Abraham. My powers are limited. They're cooked. Only they can get themselves out, and they will be badly burned if they manage that. I am still healing from my own time in the pit, having thrown myself in. No one got me out. Those who tried got hurt. I'm not going back in for them. I’m not trying to be palatable so they’re coaxed away from the boyjuice. I’m trying to document their foolishness, their gullibility, how they were deceived, and the resulting misery, to prevent more people from being misled and harmed. I’m trying to inoculate the average person and be a resource for people who are already out. This project about trans people is actually not about trans people. The treacherous image is not a pipe either.I’m more like the guy who took this photograph at the top, “The Vulture and the Little Girl,” and then walked away. Kevin Carter kept walking for four months before killing himself, with many attributing his actions to the psychological horror of what he had seen, which could not be unseen, and how he knew he had chosen not to help. For me, I think he was already prone to those thoughts and behaviors, and that's perhaps why he was there documenting what he was documenting in the first place. Similarly, I am documenting the horrors that never cease, that I did not cause and cannot directly stop. Like him, I’m haunted by what I have seen when I could not or chose not to intervene. But I have an ideology that protects me from guilt over other people’s personal consequences for other people’s choices. I am sharing some of that ideology with you now, in the hopes that you will all stay in the 59% even as you watch the horrors unfold on this blog. Sometimes, all you can do is survive and tell the story. Sometimes, saving yourself has to be enough.This Substack is reader-supported. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

I react to a trans identified woman who discovers a paper where 100% of female-to-male bottom surgery recipients on testosterone had prostatic metaplasia, which can be a precursor to prostate cancer, something none were at risk of at baseline. “The most common clinical context was gender dysphoria.”Prostatic Metaplasia of the Vagina and Uterine Cervix: An Androgen-associated Glandular Lesion of Surface Squamous Epithelium - PubMed https://share.google/zoxFRBulyNTPqvG85Prostatic metaplasia of the vagina in transmasculine individuals - PubMed https://share.google/xH2eYGKW89cnqpVBKI've had a cold the last few days exacerbated by bay area temu air quality this week, hence my hoarse voice/lying down in this video. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

I've never seen her look so broken and so scared. I hope she gets the best care possible and they manage to reverse some or all of this. But this is what post-sepsis syndrome looks like in action. You do not always recover the original baseline. Sometimes the injuries you sustained from the sepsis also make it impossible to maintain the new baseline. Is she still on the boyjuice? How much is the stand to pee metoidioplasty (emphasis on me) contributing to these chronic infections? Thoughts and hopes, folks. All we can do is watch and worry. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

Thank you to everyone who tuned into my live video! Join me for my next live video in the app. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

Thank you Jenny Poyer Ackerman, Kristin Zebrowski, MPA, Elspeth Cypher, V900, Practical Transman She/Heretic, and many others for tuning into my live video! Join me for my next live video in the app. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

Thank you Evelyn Ball, Jenny Kyng, Practical Transman She/Heretic, Joanna Vital Health, James Loewen, and many others for tuning into my live video! Join me for my next live video in the app. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

Where is her husband in all this? I can't believe they gave her steroid injections so she could go back to work on the heels of almost dying from a bone infection they never verified was actually gone. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

This Substack is reader-supported. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.To be clear, when I say these men are dangerous, I'm talking about sadistic men who enjoy watching women hurt and humiliated. I don't think this is necessarily every man engaging in cross dressing behavior, especially lately with men like Jazz Jennings in the mix. It's a specific and porn-soaked genre of them- a malignant form that could be lurking underneath the cross-dressing behavior even if you've get to cross it. So we don't need to make any exceptions for the ones who have yet to manifest the final form of what they term bimbofication, or who might theoretically be harmless and just like the feel of satin due to autism or whatever self-justifying narrative among the formerly pubescent fetishists is popular these days. It's enough to know that even one of them is like this, to retain the boundary on women's spaces, sports, and statistics. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe