The Dead Names #6: Hannah "Forest" "Apollo Moon" Harader

Andy Ngo on Twitter confirmed with a source close to the family that Hannah Lynn Harader AKA Forest Harader AKA Apollo Moon did kill herself. Here is my unrolled Twitter thread with the full videos used in this compilation. https://threadreaderapp.com/thread/1863822764530110930.htmlHannah’s story is an example of the trans/drag»sex work pipeline that I've documented extensively in relation to I Am Jazz, which markets sex work via drag performance and OnlyFans type “frisky modeling” to young trans people as a means to pay for medical transition. With all the botch jobs and revisions involved in these procedures, it's no surprise that many people entering this carousel quickly realize they're unable to do any kind of work other than sex work until their medical misadventures have resolved. People on this carousel want to get off Mr. Bones’ Wild Ride, but as Apollo understood, there was no exit, but to literally get out of her wronged body. No matter what she did, Hannah knew she'd keep being recognized as a porn star, that transition had not been the cure for her emotional pain, that her body had been permanently disfigured, that she no longer enjoyed intimacy, that she had no fall back plan financially, and that she was once again struggling to moderate her drug use. So she said goodbye to other pornographers. Goodbye to all the trans people. She loved them and wanted them to be there for each other. She absolved everyone, saying not to blame themselves for not being able to prevent her self-destruction, because it had been in motion for some time already. Her last act was to save lives through organ donation. How were her organs harmed by medical transition? Were they correctly recorded as female organs coming from a female body with female genetics? Will any of her cadaver skin now become someone else's phalloplasty? How long will we let this cycle repeat? This hits home for me because my fiance was a 26 year old organ donor who saw the doors to better tomorrows systematically close. Please, if you're struggling with thoughts of self harm and suicide, keep reaching out for help. That mental state makes it physically difficult to imagine things getting better. Depression plays tricks on you, hiding your memories of happiness from you so you don't know how to begin to imagine optimism returning and pain receding. There's usually something better to do than immediately kill yourself, but you may need help from someone else to imagine a better plan for your immediate future, and you may need to be protected from yourself until your brain heals from whatever illness, trauma induced or not, that has it looking for the exit. It's worth continuing. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe