The Fourth Night of Ganesha

I don’t think the average bear would’ve sensed this about meBut second-guessing myself and how I was receivedWas one of the few sports I playedAnd I played without rules,With a moving target,And rotating partners juggling multiple other gamesThere were areas and people with whom I was more developedBut my concern about being received negatively was deepI’d been the recipient of devastating good intentionsAnd I’ve doled them out ‘unintentionally’And I want to be careful not to do it againAnd a great compass to guide my modulationCare without caretakingCame after my meditation on night four.“That which is done authentically, and with positive intent, is beyond judgment, yours or others’”At first, I bristledAnd the aphorism seemed too easyNot taking into account enough factorsBlanket permission ignoring potential consequencesI could feel a softness was possible,Maybe acknowledging those circumstances I want to judge helped me growBut it wasn’t available to me immediatelyIt was probably a few weeks laterThat I could begin to apply it intimately to my own life and behaviorThe sense of relief was palpableIf my actions arose from my caring heart aimed toward harmonyMaybe I didn’t have to fret so much about how it was receivedOr who misunderstood it, or how I could correct that misunderstandingMaybe I didn’t have to fret at allMaybe I could walk through life trusting what i’ve got & how i’m doing it is good enoughSo I can focus on being in the moment, exactly as I amAnd allowing others to be themselvesTrusting our interaction to be part of something larger than ourselvesBeing authenticIsn’t the same as being perfect, right or above reproachIt sits closer to the groundWhen we mistake our strongly held beliefs(Which sit higher in the body)For our authenticityWe miss inner signals of the momentAs part of our allegiance to our pastNavigating authentically without being a bull in a china shop or tiptoeing on eggshellsIs an ongoing lesson for meI’ve made a lot of progressBut I have plenty more opportunityI got a great lesson from ChatGPT recentlyI’d asked it to evaluate a letter for healthy communication vs. trauma responseIt came back 75% healthy“What would it take to be 80% healthy,” I queried“At 80% healthy, you wouldn’t be asking me.You’d write your letter, then go make a sandwich”Night Four gave me permission to restAnd stop strategizing and second guessing myselfAnd judging others as if their action should’ve been something elseWe’re all part of a mystery, hereOn the whole, mostly doing our bestTrusting that when I’m in that place in meAnd you’re in that place in youHow we danceIs truly beyond judgmentIt’s life. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fallingtenderly.substack.com