The Great Ones Struggled All The Time

The Complete Works of Swami Vivekananda contains 8 volumesWhich I didn’t know when I picked up the one marked 9Instead of his teachings, I received his lettersWhich were often mundane, but became a delightBecause he, Swami Vivekananda, a true beacon of God ConsciousnessWas worried about money and health and schedule conflictsExperiencing plenty of uncertainty and frustrationNavigating it in trust - but that did not necessarily bring quick comfortHow freeing to have one of the spiritual greatsExperiencing life like the rest of usTending to ‘the full catastrophe’ with concern and complexityHis rich spiritual embodimentNot a magic wandThat kept him above troublesHe walked with troubles, anchored in the divineEven still with confusion sometimes, and struggle.That was a revelation to meAlthough it shouldn’t beWasn’t Christ’s life full of struggle? Buddha’s? Muhammad’s? Gandhi’s? Mother Theresa’s?Why do I have this idea that if God was pleased with me, if I were ‘in flow’, my life would be easy?No spiritual story tells the tale of the divine having a favorite making everything easy on someoneBut ‘that it should be that way’ flavors the water inside my headAnd makes struggle a problem. An indication I’m out of favor.A referendum on my worth or capacityBut it’s not.It’s just what is happeningAnd my job is to meet what’s happening to the best of my abilityEven if the best of my abilityMight be lying curled up on the couchbreathing with care and attentionTending to the overwhelmed childBecause in the course of a single dayI am experiencing a huge swath of emotionsFrom trust, surrender, sometimes even curiosityTo breakdown, frozenness and fearWith appreciation, frustration and mindless administration all getting their time, tooAnd with that village’s worth of emotional statesIt takes a whole spice shelf of practices heavily seasoning my days:Meditation, somatic breathing, postural alignmentInterpersonal work, walking, biking, strength trainingListening to Paul Selig’s work, journaling, writing this,Conversations with dear ones and sitting with treesIt’s generally keeping me softExcept for where its notFor example:I have always considered myself an Olympic SleeperAs in, if Sleeping were an Olympic sport,I would definitely medalBut not latelySleep has been challengingMy digestion is offSometimes I catch myself staring blankly into space in a way thatIf I saw it happening to you, I’d insist you see a doctor immediatelyBut I’m trying to remember these as natural experiences in a time of stressNot proof life hates me or that I’m doing it wrongA sign of processAnd I’m in a processAs everyone is, in seasons of varying intensityGod is the friction and the flowFor each of us.Even the greats.And that takes some of the sting out of it for me, and helps me remember not to beat myself up. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fallingtenderly.substack.com