The Kindness of Others

When we were travelingMy kids would often ask how we would make our way in the next foreign town“We’ll ask for help!” I’d say cheerfullyAnd we were often amazed at the kindness of localsReceiving unexpected gifts has me realizingWhile I’m happy to ask for help on the streets of Frankfurt or RomeI’m hesitant to ask for it where I truly need itI feel less-than, an imposition, shame, like I’m asking for something for nothingI’ve got to spend some time with that paradigmBecause I’m the one who created itAnd it’s going to need to be me who dismantles itIt’s a hiccup in relationalityAnd I want to cultivate full, deep breathLong after the Buddha had reached enlightenment and formed a noted ashramHe and his monks would go out every day with their begging bowlsSomeone asked him“Your community is secure, why do you still do this?”And he responded:‘To give people the opportunity to be generousMany of these people work hard all day and are consumed with chores in the eveningWithout us coming hereThey would have no opportunity to live the merit of being generous’In other words, their receiving alms was a gift to the giversOffering others the opportunity to be generous was an act of generosityI’ve felt the joy of generosity as a giverAnd I’ve been stunned by how uncomfortable I am as a receiverEven though I’ve known this storyI received a letter. Four words written on a full sheet of paper“I believe in you”First made me cryThen made me question: Have I been believing in myself?So I sat with that question and cried some moreI believe in myself very much in certain waysBut there is a chasmWhere I am cowered with a begging bowl, and not out of generosityThere’s something for me hereSomething to feel into and gently questionNot to fix myself but to expand the space in which I’m experiencing myselfLoosen some of the armor I’ve acquiredLet tumble some of the scaffoldingOf things I’ve believed and ways I’ve believedIt’s time to growBut one thing I know for certainOur kindnesses to each otherAre gleaming stars in the vast expanse of lifeLet’s revel in them, whether we’re giver or receiverFor we’re all worthy of loveAnd they are an innately reciprocal love delivery system This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fallingtenderly.substack.com