The Messiness of being human

I’ve been sitting here for awhile - there’s so much on my heart and SO MUCH in my mind. No idea where to begin. One thing on the surface is how shitty it is to have to work with humans to liberate humans. There is no way to escape the messiness of being in contact with other humans. Something that comes up all the time is how anti-blackness is the first way that harm will show up in any group. It will always be targeted to Black femmes. So as a non-black POC, I am thinking about what is my responsibility maneuvering through ALL space, but particularly in organizing spaces? What I know for sure is that I hold myself accountable to my internalized anti-blackness. Every day I examine the anti-blackness that is so ingrained in me - like it is in all of us. There is not one moment where I think I am exempt from inflicting harm. This is something that is continual work until my last breath.Tiffany’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.The thing that I’m a bit blurry about is how do I practice harm reduction in bigger groups of people where my knowledge about people are all over the spectrum? And when do I step away and when do I lean in? The bottom line is that FOR SURE anti-blackness, racism, prejudice, ableism, sinophobia, islamophobia, colorism, sexism, etc is present at different levels. The question so then is then…how do we reduce the harm? And most importantly, how do we protect the most marginalized of the group (folks with the most intersections will always be Black femmes)?As an East Asian lighter skinned able-ish bodied femme, I know my privilege and also my place in the hierarchy of any given group. I think where I’m struggling is - what is the line between not being ok with problematic histories/behavior (not talking about an infiltrator obviously) and accepting that there is no 100% safe space? The emergent part of collective movement is honestly scary to me. Part of my fear is that I don’t want to harm folks…and I mean it in almost a selfish way. I can see that part of it is perfectionism. Obviously my intentions are to never want to harm anyone especially Black femmes, but as a flawed human, a more realistic approach is to know that I will f**k up. From my healing and learning, I will hopefully have enough capacity to repair well. Ok but back to being part of groups, it’s terrifying to somehow walk towards a shared goal without really knowing if it’s actually a shared goal. Like anything, it’s easy for folks to be driven by ego and the desire for power and control - and not even intentionally. Something I also always want to reflect in myself.It’s all so nuanced. There is nothing clean cut, and I’m practicing not having that as an expectation while having my integrity intact.This week is going to be an interesting week, because I’ve dove into being back in the direct action world. Me being me - of course I’m doing 3 within a week, because there’s nothing middle ground that I do. I’m just bouncing from a manic episode to straight up in bed depression. LOL. It is what it is for now.What does Liberatory Imagination spark in me today?The ability to give myself permission to be a messy human while trying to live in integrity. It’s a jumbled splattering of different colors without any pattern, but it feels honest.Tiffany’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Get full access to LIBERATORY IMAGINATION at tiffanywongart.substack.com/subscribe