Do Fathers Really Matter? Why Dads Are More Important Than We Think

Ask Rachel anything How much do fathers really matter to their children? We talk endlessly about mothers and the enormous influence they have on their children. But have we inadvertently started treating fathers as the optional parent — the assistant rather than an equally capable caregiver? Michael Ray thinks we have. Michael became a father at 50 and, just 18 months later, became the sole parent to his daughter. Suddenly he began noticing the subtle — and sometimes not-so-subtle — ways society treats fathers differently. From being praised simply for looking after his own child to being banned from helping backstage at his four-year-old daughter's ballet concert because he was a man, Michael began questioning the assumptions we make about fathers, mothers and what good parenting is supposed to look like. In this episode we talk about: • why fathers matter to children and teenagers • why dads are still so often portrayed as incompetent or secondary parents • the impact involved fathers can have on children's wellbeing • why parenting isn't a skill women instinctively possess and men have to learn • how mothers can unintentionally “gatekeep” parenting and leave dads feeling pushed out • why fathers need space to parent differently — rather than being expected to parent exactly like mothers • the messages our children absorb from advertising, films, schools and social media about what mums and dads are supposed to do • why involved fatherhood could also be an important part of achieving greater equality for women • what boys learn when they see men caring for children • how caregiving can change men themselves • and how we can raise boys and girls who see caregiving, ambition, strength and emotional intelligence as human qualities rather than male or female ones. Michael's argument isn't that fathers matter more than mothers. It's that we need to stop treating their contribution as less important. As he puts it, caregiving isn't determined by chromosomes. It's a set of skills — and fathers need the opportunity and confidence to develop them. There's also an important message for those of us co-parenting teenagers. There isn't one “correct” way to parent. Dad may handle something differently from Mum without either approach being wrong. Giving each parent space to develop their own relationship with their child can benefit the whole family. And the stakes go beyond individual families. Michael argues that if we genuinely want men to become more caring, emotionally intelligent and empathetic, we need to give boys and men far more opportunities to care. A fascinating and thought-provoking conversation about fatherhood, parenting teenagers, gender roles, involved dads and why fathers matter — not only to their children, but to the kind of men and women we're raising. Michael Ray: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michael-ray-574079183/ Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits. Find all the tips from the episode on Substack: My email [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me Instagram Facebook