The Perils of Parenting

Imagine yourself as the concrete of a poolThe walls, floor, edge and stairsThat’s you, as a parentThe water is the worldAnd children, when they’re littleLOVE YOUThey mostly stay on the stairsWhen they venture out, they come immediately backThe stairs are where it’s at for little onesThey could spend all day thereAnd often do.As kids get older, they get bolderThey spend more time in the water itselfBut they’re still very reliant on the edgesHolding on between laps or underwater headstandsThe edges are a godsend to young swimmersRelief. Rest. Rejuvenation.And they’re able to go back into the depths of the water to playBecause they know the edges are thereThey’ll get a break when they need oneThat means a lotFreedom AND security.Teenagers are a whole different storyThey dive in, barely touching the edgeThey can tread water virtually endlesslyAnd it seems the only time they come over to the edge and hold onIs to push off with their feet to give themselves momentum back into the center.Which is exactly what you want them to do:Get lift off and participate fully in the worldBut it doesn’t mean that push doesn’t hurt a littleEven if we’re supposed to be concrete.This metaphor helped me through my kids teen yearsWhen home sometimes felt like the last place they wanted to beAnd when they were home, they often left with a pushDon’t get me wrongMy kids have been quite lovely most of their livesBut there have been moments when remembering this has kept me afloatIt’s a metaphor I’ve shared 100 timesAnd now I share it with youIt’s great being a pool, and having your kids incrementally gain independenceIt’s great to have them develop their skills in an environment you can largely containThe pushing off is natural, tooAnd prepares both sides for the end of summerMy kids are off swimming in the ocean nowThey snorkel and surf and may take up scubaAdventures await, and I trust their capacity to navigate the currents I’m not sure what happens to the pool at the end of this metaphorI’ve heard you can turn them into sunken greenhousesThat feels like a lot of workMaybe we drain it and take up skateboardingThat would require a whole lot of kneepadsWhatever, a new phase is comingTime will tell. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fallingtenderly.substack.com