The Pursuit of Happiness (and Why It’s the Wrong Goal)

Media Links:Website: delvepsych.comInstagram: @delvepsychchicagoYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DelvePsych20Substack: https://delvepsych.substack.com/Participants:Hosts:Ali McGarelAdam FominayaOverview of Big Ideas:In this thoughtful and energizing episode, Ali and Adam challenge the popular notion that happiness should be life’s ultimate goal. They explore the deeper psychological and philosophical underpinnings of emotional well-being, drawing from Buddhism, Stoicism, and lived clinical experience. Instead of chasing or clinging to happiness, they propose a shift toward emotional equanimity, self-efficacy, and values-driven action. Along the way, they reflect on toxic positivity, motivation, burnout, and how to live meaningfully even when emotions are hard.Breakdown of Segments:Intro & Purpose of the PodcastAli and Adam reaffirm Delve’s mission: providing value without chasing fame or ads, and building a community rooted in thoughtful conversations.Philosophical Grounding of TherapyAdam positions psychology as more of a philosophical discipline than a purely scientific one. Therapy, to him, is about offering perspectives—not solutions.The Misconception of Happiness as a GoalThe hosts unpack the futility of pursuing happiness as a constant state. Instead, they frame happiness as a fleeting experience—not an end point to strive for or cling to.Cultural Roots of Toxic PositivityThey explore how advertising, capitalism, and individualistic ideals reinforce the idea that products and achievements should lead to happiness.The Graduate School Mentality & Deferred JoyBoth share personal stories of grinding through training with the false hope that happiness comes after milestones. Instead, they advocate for living during the process.The 85% Rule for ProductivityAdam shares his personal rule: if a project is 85% done, your motivation doesn’t matter—you just need to finish it. It’s a practical take on discipline and completion.Reframing Emotional Goals in TherapyRather than eliminating negative emotions, the goal is to build a relationship with them. Therapy helps people live with emotions, not eradicate them.Values Over Emotions: The Granny MetaphorA powerful story about visiting Granny despite a fear of bridges helps illustrate acting in service of values over emotional avoidance.Motivation Comes from Action, Not the Other Way AroundThey debunk the myth that motivation must come before action—highlighting how action often breeds motivation.Social Media, False Signals, and Inner RealityA reflection on how curated online lives can hide emotional realities, even unintentionally.Closing Reflection: “Don’t Just Do Something, Stand There”Adam explains the wisdom behind choosing presence over reaction, especially in emotionally charged moments. Slowing down can deepen relationships and prevent emotional reactivity.References:Stoic philosophy (Epictetus)Buddhist perspectives on suffering and happinessLes Greenberg (emotion-focused therapy)The Barkley Marathons documentarySelf-Determination Theory (teased for future episodes)