The Struggle of Divorce: Part 2 Healing is a Process

Healing the trauma of divorce begins with understanding and accepting what is happening, and then doing your best to become navigate the demands of divorce. Divorce is the tearing apart of a conjoined life, rending it, separating it, and leaving scars.

Like any other major loss in life, divorce requires grieving. Even when the divorce is chosen or desired, there will be loss. Whenever a loss has meaning, grief will activate. Grief is the cognitive-emotional process of reconciling a loss, encountering the new (often painful) reality, and finding a new definition in self and life to move into the future. The dual process of grief is to feel, understand, an honor the feelings, learn to accept the limits of where you have power to control versus when you must accept, and restoring your life’s vision. This process is compelled in the individual. It is not a choice. It is different for everyone in detail and scope, but ultimately it must be embraced if the individual is to progress from hurt to health. Avoiding the process is to lock a life into a perpetual grief cycle, which in turn affects all relationship into the future. In counseling, this is often referred to the second divorce, divorcing oneself from any future functional relationships due to an unwillingness or inability to move beyond the conflict.