The Subtle (and Not-So-Subtle) Ways Avoidants Create Distance

We’re continuing the conversation from last week about how fearful and dismissive avoidants use deactivating strategies when closeness starts to feel overwhelming. For avoidants, caring too much or fearing rejection often triggers the instinct to pull back—because distance feels safer than vulnerability.In this episode, Raynea and Kelli walk through 21 different ways avoidants create space in relationships, from slowing down texts and ghosting to picking fights, withholding affection, or downplaying the importance of the relationship. These patterns can be subtle, like surface-level conversations, or more obvious, like cheating or emotional withdrawal—but all serve the same purpose: self-protection.If you’ve ever wondered why avoidants seem to back away just when things are going well, this episode will bring clarity, compassion, and a deeper understanding of what’s really happening beneath the surface.If you found value in this conversation please be sure to subscribe, leave a comment, and share this with someone else that needs to hear it. You can find me on IG @coachingwithrayneaBooks on Attachment: Attached by Dr. Amir Levine The New Rules of Attachment by Dr. Judy HoAnxiously Attached by Jessica Baum, LMHCThe Anxious Hearts Guide by Rikki Cloys**You can find these books on Amazon**Creators on social media that I found helpful on my journey:Dr. Sarah Hensley (She is on all platforms). Her website is thelovedoc.comMack (on TikTok)Jbirdfit (On all platforms)Natashavctoria (TikTok)Anxious Hearts Guide (TikTok and IG) (She was anxious and her partner was dismissive avoidant and they now have a healthy relationship)