the velvet rage: the gay bible

In this episode, I talk about the book that helped me stop performing and finally start understanding myself, and why I keep coming back to it.The Velvet Rage is often called the gay bible, and for good reason. Alan Downs puts into words what so many of us have felt but couldn't name. The shame, the rage hiding beneath the smile, the exhausting cycle of chasing validation in love, at work, on social media, and in friendships.I walk through the ideas that hit me hardest. Why so much of our anger is actually shame in disguise. Why rejection feels catastrophic rather than just disappointing. And why being loved for your most polished, performative version of yourself will never be enough.This is an honest reflection on gay shame, authenticity, and what it actually looks like to stop living for the applause and start living for yourself.Check out more queer topics in my Substack: https://jameswallis0.substack.com/Follow me on Instagram & TikTok too for even more contentWant to go deeper? The Hey Gay Boy Substack is where I explore all of this in long form, with thousands of subscribers already in the community. Find it at jameswallis0.substack.comCome and say hello on Instagram @james_wallis and TikTok @jameswallis_If you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy me a coffee at buymeacoffee.com/jameswallis.Everything else is at linktr.ee/jameswallis Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.