Hey Gay Boy

In this episode, I explore the complicated reality of feeling like an outsider within the gay community, even after coming out. From the unspoken pressure to look, act, and perform a certain way, to the fragility of gay friendships and the loneliness that can exist in the middle of a packed nightclub, I unpack why belonging can feel so elusive. Drawing on psychological frameworks like the Minority Stress Model and the concept of the "wounded child," I examine how early shame, identity-eroding comparison, and validation-seeking behaviours shape our adult relationships and sense of self. This is an honest take on loving a community while also being frankt about the ways it can fall short, and a reminder that you're far from alone in feeling like you don't quite fit in.Want to go deeper? The Hey Gay Boy Substack is where I explore all of this in long form, with thousands of subscribers already in the community. Find it at jameswallis0.substack.comCome and say hello on Instagram @james_wallis and TikTok @jameswallis_If you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy me a coffee at buymeacoffee.com/jameswallis.Everything else is at linktr.ee/jameswallis Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, I'm talking about the quiet, easy-to-miss signs that you're actually further along than you think. Because if you've spent years in survival mode, growth doesn't always feel like power. Sometimes it just feels like going home after one drink because you're tired, or receiving a compliment and saying thank you instead of deflecting it.Want to go deeper? The Hey Gay Boy Substack is where I explore all of this in long form, with thousands of subscribers already in the community. Find it at jameswallis0.substack.comCome and say hello on Instagram @james_wallis and TikTok @jameswallis_If you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy me a coffee at buymeacoffee.com/jameswallis.Everything else is at linktr.ee/jameswallis Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

gay shame runs deep - and it shows up in more ways than we realise. In this episode, I walk through 11 small, practical acts to help you start loosening shame's grip, stop performing for other people's approval, and reconnect with who you actually are. No big overhauls, no toxic positivity - just honest, doable steps you can try this week.Want to go deeper? The Hey Gay Boy Substack is where I explore all of this in long form, with thousands of subscribers already in the community. Find it at jameswallis0.substack.comCome and say hello on Instagram @james_wallis and TikTok @jameswallis_If you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy me a coffee at buymeacoffee.com/jameswallis.Everything else is at linktr.ee/jameswallis Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, I'm talking about that weird, nagging feeling where everything in your life looks fine, maybe even good, but you still feel flat. Like something's missing and you can't quite put your finger on it.I explore why happiness can feel so fragile, even when life is going well, and why so many gay men find themselves bracing for something to go wrong right in the middle of a good moment. From anticipatory anxiety to minority stress, I get into the real reasons joy can feel unfamiliar, even unsafe, after a lifetime of hiding, shrinking, and staying on guard.This one is about learning to trust happiness. To stay present in good moments instead of mentally skipping ahead to the worst case scenario. And to slowly, gently teach yourself that joy isn't something to be suspicious of. It's something you're allowed to hold.Want to go deeper? The Hey Gay Boy Substack is where I explore all of this in long form, with thousands of subscribers already in the community. Find it at jameswallis0.substack.comCome and say hello on Instagram @james_wallis and TikTok @jameswallis_If you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy me a coffee at buymeacoffee.com/jameswallis.Everything else is at linktr.ee/jameswallis Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, I get personal about my own "soft rock bottom" and the unexpected therapy insight that changed everything: your wounded inner child is still calling the shots.I explore why so many gay men are still being shaped by the boy they used to be, why we're so uniquely vulnerable to childhood emotional wounds, and what it actually looks like to start healing. Not by silencing that scared little boy, but by finally showing up for him.This one is about reparenting, emotional sensitivity, and why your reactions aren't a weakness. They're a nervous system doing its best. And it's about how, once you see what's really driving you, you get to change the script.Want to go deeper? The Hey Gay Boy Substack is where I explore all of this in long form, with thousands of subscribers already in the community. Find it at jameswallis0.substack.comCome and say hello on Instagram @james_wallis and TikTok @jameswallis_If you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy me a coffee at buymeacoffee.com/jameswallis.Everything else is at linktr.ee/jameswallis Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the very first episode of Hey Gay Boy.In this opening episode, I share what it felt like to spend years being the "perfect gay boy" - the overachiever, the people pleaser, the one who worked twice as hard just to feel like he deserved to be there. And what it cost me.This episode is almost like a love letter to any gay man who grew up editing himself, playing it small, and waiting for permission to just be. If you've ever felt the weight of gay shame, struggled with self worth, or spent years performing a version of yourself just to feel accepted, this one is for you.It's honest, personal, and sets the tone for everything that follows....because growing up gay leaves marks that don't disappear the moment you come out.The psychology of it runs deeper than that. And that's exactly what this podcast is here to explore.Whether you're early in your journey of gay identity or years into it and still making sense of things, you're in the right place.If this episode resonates, please leave a rating or short review. It's the single biggest way new listeners can find the show. And if you aren't already following or subscribed, now is a great time to do that too ;)Links:If you fancy reading you can discover the Hey Gay Boy Substack here: jameswallis0.substack.comCome and say hello on Instagram @james_wallis or TikTok @jameswallis_If you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy me a coffee at buymeacoffee.com/jameswallis - it really does help!Everything else is at linktr.ee/jameswallisxWant to go deeper? The Hey Gay Boy Substack is where I explore all of this in long form, with thousands of subscribers already in the community. Find it at jameswallis0.substack.comCome and say hello on Instagram @james_wallis and TikTok @jameswallis_If you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy me a coffee at buymeacoffee.com/jameswallis.Everything else is at linktr.ee/jameswallis Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, we're talking about gay shame - and not in the way you might expect. This isn't about hating yourself for being gay. It's the quieter stuff. Lowering your voice around straight men.Calling your boyfriend "they" in certain conversations. Laughing at a joke that actually stings. We get into where that shame comes from, how it gets passed down through playgrounds and classrooms and silence, and why it's so hard to spot in your adult life - because by the time you're grown, it doesn't look like shame anymore. It looks like perfectionism, or people-pleasing, or always finding a reason to walk away from the good stuff. If any of that sounds familiar, this one's for you.Want to go deeper? The Hey Gay Boy Substack is where I explore all of this in long form, with thousands of subscribers already in the community. Find it at jameswallis0.substack.comCome and say hello on Instagram @james_wallis and TikTok @jameswallis_If you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy me a coffee at buymeacoffee.com/jameswallis.Everything else is at linktr.ee/jameswallis Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, we're getting into something that doesn't get talked about enough - the trauma that comes with growing up gay, and why it doesn't just disappear once you're out. This isn't about the coming out story. It's about everything else. The daily conditioning, the messages you absorbed without realising, and the very real psychological toll of spending years navigating a world that wasn't built for you. We get into minority stress, internalised homophobia, and why so many of the ways we learned to survive, the scanning of rooms, the coded language, the constant editing of ourselves, are still quietly running in the background today. Because it's not as simple as getting over it.Links:If you fancy reading you can discover the Hey Gay Boy Substack here: jameswallis0.substack.comCome and say hello on Instagram @james_wallis or TikTok @jameswallis_If you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy me a coffee at buymeacoffee.com/jameswallis - it really does help!Everything else is at linktr.ee/jameswallisxWant to go deeper? The Hey Gay Boy Substack is where I explore all of this in long form, with thousands of subscribers already in the community. Find it at jameswallis0.substack.comCome and say hello on Instagram @james_wallis and TikTok @jameswallis_If you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy me a coffee at buymeacoffee.com/jameswallis.Everything else is at linktr.ee/jameswallis Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and thanks for being here.Welcome to Hey Gay Boy, the official home for reflections on growing up gay.This podcast is for gay men who grew up carrying things they didn't have a name for. The performing, the loneliness, the relationships that made no sense until they suddenly did.Each episode is a short, honest reflection on the psychology of growing up gay, based on years of immersing myself in the topic and of course reflecting on my own lived experience and therapy sessions. I'm endlessly curious about the stuff that shaped us long before we understood it.There are no guests (at least not yet). No panel discussions. Just me, a microphone, and the conversations I wish someone had started sooner.If that sounds like your kind of thing, hit follow so you don't miss the first episode, coming very soon. To make sure you don't miss it, subscribe or follow from wherever you're listening.I hope you enjoy it. My plan is to make sure there is something for everyone here, because of course we didn't all have one singular, monolithic journey.Lots more to come.Thanks again,James xThanks again,James xWant to go deeper? The Hey Gay Boy Substack is where I explore all of this in long form, with thousands of subscribers already in the community. Find it at jameswallis0.substack.comCome and say hello on Instagram @james_wallis and TikTok @jameswallis_If you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy me a coffee at buymeacoffee.com/jameswallis.Everything else is at linktr.ee/jameswallis Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.