The Whole of It

I love the wholeness of recognizing the divine being in both friction and flowThat ease is rarely full-timeAnd that the ‘not ease’ parts are holy tooIt’s all divine favor, not just the happy bitsThe whole of the yin and the yang rests in the taoI remember the momentIn my Calypso blue laundry room in Rhode IslandI realized I had been spending my lifeTrying to erase the yin side of my inner taijiI wanted to be all lightAny darkness was to be transformedOverwhelmed by lightIt was exhaustingAnd ineffectiveI hadn’t realized how much anxiety I’d had about itAnd it was a lotI’ve been training for yearsTo get curious about the darknessTo take refuge in the Divine FeminineFor the rich, nourishing aspectsAnd the opportunity to gently meet the shadowsFrom my own lifeFrom my ancestorsAnd from this intense collective realityBelieving the divine is in all of itI know this in theoryAnd I’m inviting it in practiceAnd writing and discussing it reminds me, reflects more deeplyI’ve done Michael Brown’s The Presence Process several timesIn it he describes joy, not as constant happiness, but aspresence/confidence/dexterity through the full range of emotionsKnowing we have the capacity for all of itWithout making any aspect wrong or lesserBeing present to each in its seasonI am here now in thisThat’s the mantraThere’s no succeeding so well you don’t have problems anymoreSucceeding is meeting life fullyIn relationship with it as it’s unfoldingNot compared to an image of what it’s supposed to look or feel likeWhat it feels like nowAnd nowAnd now.Straight lines are not expectedAnd often we’re too engaged with sensing life in the moment to try to imagine it any betterWhat ‘favor’ might look likeWhat my life would look like if i were doing it rightMaximizing my full potentialContributing at the highest levelThat’s exhausting, too.I feel like the river in the valley between the mountainsI am not trying to climb anythingI’ve given up holding my petticoats from getting dirtyThey’re dirtyAnd that’s okI have a full ½ of the taijiOn which the stains won’t show This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fallingtenderly.substack.com