These Are My Pants: How to Own Your Mistakes, Differences and Flaws.

I have a story to illustrate the essence of what it means to own your “mistakes”.Years ago a student of mine said something I’ll never forget. The kids were all washing up in the bathroom, and some of them started making fun of the pants he had on. This kid was no fashionista. He wore little kid sweats long after the others had switched to more grown up clothes.Anyway this kid stood there and took the berating, but after they had finished the torment, he simply said, “These are my pants.” It was brilliant!He later told several of us teachers the story, and we all took what he said as a symbol of owning your style, choices, successes, mistakes. Whatever is true for you, that’s your pants, and you have to say, “These are my pants!”Now of course you can’t actually say, “These are my pants,” or it won’t make any sense. However, the concept is the underlying essence of being cool.When you own your truth, you’re cool.So how do you go out and say, “These are my pants,” to the bully and the rest of the world? AND MEAN IT!? Here we go.First you must prepare for the new attention. People will react in one of three ways to you when you start being true to yourself.ONE: They won’t notice.TWO: They’ll like your style.THREE: They’ll cut you down in some way for being different.When I say you must prepare, it’s for these people. The benefit of being yourself in front of everyone is endless—the cost is some people will be big jerks about it.The plan is to respond to whatever they say just as my student did: “These are my pants.” “This is my hair.” “This is how I feel.” “That’s my favorite song.” “These are my friends.” “This is my choice.” “This is my identity.”The only catch is you cannot flinch. You have to stand your ground no matter what they say. They will try to knock you down.Be unapologetic. That means you won’t change for them. You won’t explain yourself to them. And you’re not sorry.The second step is to practice being yourself more boldly and without hesitation. Show the bully you don’t give a rip what they think. And all the others they can trust you because you’re trusting THEM!Hesitation is the kiss of death in this game. You can get away with being outrageous, ridiculous, silly, moody, funny or a total mess as long as you know how NOT to hesitate. Hesitation gives it all away because it comes from self-consciousness. People want to get caught up in your enthusiasm and courage. They don’t want to see you doubt yourself in these moments. That kind of vulnerability, we can talk about later, is for close friends you trust.The way to beat your own hesitation is to work your way up slowly. Only take on what you can handle without second-guessing yourself. Only take on what you can do without self-consciousness. And whenever anyone gives you a hard time, use “These are my pants.”Here are some good ones to try:Wear a piece of clothing you actually like, but you think others will find uncool.Raise your hand in class and say the wrong answer (Remember no explaining, no apologizing, no changing your answer). You can also pretend to go blank and say, “I forgot.”Say the first thing that comes to mind (as long as it’s kind). No self-editing to make it better or perfect.Do one little random dance move for no reason (no eye contact, no checking to see what others think).Do a tiny misbehavior, like talking when the teacher is talking. See what happens. Let yourself go through the process of being in light trouble.Less is more when it comes to practicing mistakes or being different. Remember hesitation kicks in when you get in over your head, and nobody likes a show-off.