To Readers To Readers Note: The story centers on the Itaewon disaster, which occurred on Oct. 29, 2022. Episode 7: Running, giving, surviving: How I fought PTSD one day at a time Living with PTSD The art of failing meditation Keeping myself moving Simple ways to calm your mind at home Donating money to ease guilt Jeju Air crash This article was originally written in Korean and translated by a bilingual reporter with the help of generative AI tools. It was then edited by a native English-speaking editor. All AI-assisted translations are reviewed and refined by our newsroom.

*The series is based on the real-life experience of Kim Nam-young, a JoongAng Ilbo reporter currently living with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The following articles are written from Kim's first-person perspective. I have PTSD. Itaewon is a well-known nightlife district in Yongsan District, central Seoul, and a popular spot for Halloween celebrations because of its diverse international culture. The disaster occurred during the first Halloween weekend after social distancing restrictions imposed during the Covid-19 pandemic had been lifted. Large crowds gathered in the area to celebrate. As more and more people poured into the neighborhood, the crowd insidiously swelled into a dangerously packed mass. The situation eventually led to a crowd crush in a narrow alley, amid a lack of effective control measures to control the on-foot traffic, leaving some 350 people dead or injured, including 159 fatalities. As a reporter on the social affairs desk, I covered the Itaewon disaster on Oct. 29, 2022. Since November of the following year, I have been receiving treatment regularly. I attend psychiatric counseling sessions and take medication every day. I am only revealing the illness now, more than two years later, not because I have overcome it. This is not a story about recovery, but a record of living through the illness. To be honest, I still do not know when, or if, I will overcome it. Instead, I want to talk about the time I have spent living alongside PTSD. Even now, I continue to work as a policy and social affairs reporter while exercising, traveling and getting on with daily life. If someone is hesitating to see a doctor, I hope this piece can help. I also hope we can become a society where people do not feel forced to hide emotional pain and trauma. Identifying the illness was only the first step; treatment was the next, much harder one, sending on a winding road as I tried different activities in search of stillness and catharsis. The one thing I held onto throughout my long struggle with PTSD was consistency. Yes, my partner and friends were always there for me, and yes, I went to the hospital once or twice a month. But no one could be by my side all the time. In other words, most of the time, I was alone. When I suddenly felt like I couldn't breathe for no specific reason, I had to handle it on my own. To deal with the symptoms that appeared out of nowhere, I had to consistently find coping strategies that worked for me. So I tried everything I could think of. Meditation, futsal, running and donating to charity. I tried to move more, calm my mind and even tried to do something good. But those efforts did not always work. And this is only my story. Even among people with the same condition, effective coping mechanisms differ from person to person. I discussed every method I tried with my psychiatrist because I wanted to know whether I was heading in the right direction. There was one thing that never seemed to work for me: meditation. In fact, meditation was the first thing my psychiatrist recommended, saying it could help relax a body stuck in a perpetual state of high alert. The recommendation was so sincere that the doctor even wrote down instructions by hand and gave them to me on a note. Grateful for the effort, I tried several times. But each attempt ended in failure. The technique I was encouraged to practice was mindfulness meditation, which involves letting thoughts pass by and focusing on present sensations and emotions. The problem was that I could never simply let thoughts go by. Once I held onto one, it led to another, then another. And when I finally managed to clear my mind, I fell asleep instead. Rather than becoming quieter, my mind became even noisier. I even attended meditation classes, but in the end, it just was not for me. That said, numerous studies suggest mindfulness meditation can be beneficial for people with PTSD. Mindfulness-based therapy can significantly reduce avoidance, hyper...