Toxic Masculinity Created a Sad Literary Trope That Refuses to Die

Your tips are greatly appreciated! Upgrade at 30% offOur entertainment is a reflection of our society. That’s why it’s disturbing to see so many shows that explore the drama that’s created by deteriorating relationships.We see toxic interactions between husbands and wives, fathers and daughters, and fathers and sons. In most cases, the men are shown to “mean well” even if their behavior is selfish.The idea of the emotionally distant man is constantly reinforced and normalized. As a result, crumbling relationships are portrayed as inevitable.The worst part is how frequently these shows will contrive a violent situation that allows the father to emerge as “the hero.” Through some act of brutality, the man is able to restore the lost confidence of his loved ones.It’s pure toxic fantasy.We need more representation for alternative possibilitiesThe message seems to be that just because a man is willing to indulge in violence, it’s some sort of a justification for all his flaws as a spouse, parent, and human being.However, if a man truly does care, then why is he incapable of making the effort to be emotionally present?Why are we so willing to accept catharsis from scenarios involving violence? We see men protect their wives from being robbed. We see men protect their daughters from being raped.It’s become a cliche, and it is untethered from reality.We’re indoctrinated to equate violence with loveThese contrived scenarios underscore the absurd assumption that we need violent people to protect us from a violent world.In reality, we have more power to prevent violence than we’re willing to admit. We’ve been conditioned to view as inevitable something we actually have the power to eliminate.Why would anyone conclude that just because a husband is willing to beat an assailant, he instantly wipes the slate clean? How’s that supposed to “make up” for humiliating comments, forgotten promises, and years of abusive behavior?There’s always the moment where the woman sinks into the man’s arms almost in apology.“I didn’t realize the world was so awful, now I understand why you’re the way you are. I’m so ashamed. I’ll be grateful and obedient from now on.”What a load of rubbish.Real world consequencesThe same violence that a man unleashes on an attacker is likely the cause of the disconnect with whatever person he pretends to care about.The brutality simmers beneath the surface waiting to erupt.The repetition of this trope is psychologically damaging. People see endless examples of familial conflict being resolved with violence, and they assume they have an easy way to fix their problems.“I just have to beat somebody in front of her and then she’ll love me again.”It’s dangerous to think like that.Dramatizations are tainting our perception of realityNow, more than any other time in history, we spend our lives engaging with a false version of reality. We fret about the dangers of Artificial Intelligence. But what about the dangers of watching socially irresponsible programs?People know fictitious characters better than their own friends. When writers rely on dangerous and inaccurate cliches, it can have a devastating effect on society.In real life, violence never solves anything. Violence only makes things worse. If you don’t believe me, go and ask somebody who tried to demonstrate his love in the form of a physical attack.I’m sure you’ll find plenty of men like that in jail.It’s time to explore the concept of how violence failsWe can’t allow ourselves to be lulled into this misconception that violence always wins.We are in desperate need of dramatizations that do not glorify physical attacks. If you’ve ever seen a real fight, it looks ridiculous. It lacks dignity for grown men to roll around on the floor like a couple of clowns.Our entertainment industry could very easily condition us to see anyone who indulges in violence as a contemptible fool.We need some examples where a father attacks somebody and his relationship falls apart anyway. Violence can’t be seen as the universal salvation.We need a greater emphasis on the woman’s perspective. Let’s see an example of a moment of violence, even one deployed in the form of protection, that ends up being the final straw.“I have to get away from you. You’re broken.”Shards of a violent cultureThere are many confused men in our society who want to find justification for their wasted lives by transforming into the mythical “good guy with a gun.” The robust American firearm industry provides a chilling indication as to how widespread this delusion has become.It’s not uncommon for men to indulge a murder fantasy where they stop a mass shooting or some other crime. But when anyone spends too much time fantasizing about inflicting death, the focus starts to slip. They start seeing enemies anywhere.Innocent people get caught up in the mix.The unavoidable reality is that these moments don’t happen all that often. It’s not healthy to wait around for a heroic moment so you can prove your value to your loved ones.Instead of trying to cash in a violence lottery ticket, it’s a much better strategy to see every interaction as an opportunity for kindness.Appreciate what you haveCultivating a healthy relationship involves showing up every day. Your job as a father or husband isn’t to be “a protector.” Your job is to always be available to offer advice, support, and comfort.I’ve never had to beat anyone up to show my family I love them. Instead, I make them pancakes. We play basketball. We go on walks.Our society spends a lot of resources to ensure we have a well-funded police force. Leave the arrests to them. Our partners need to be bodyguards of our emotional state, not our physical state. We need to purge any suggestion that the occasional acts of violence and inhumanity from men is acceptable because, deep down, they “mean well.”It’s much more likely that you’ll live your whole life without ever fighting anybody. That’s a good thing.Abusive men are always cowardsWe need a few examples of brutish men who fail to rise to the moment when their family is attacked.In real life, that’s far more likely to happen. These men raise their hands against their families, not in defense of them.It’s selfish to believe you can fix a broken relationship with an act of violence. It’s lazy.Men who indulge in the ideology of toxic masculinity end up frustrated. They waste their lives waiting for a moment to prove themselves. As a consequence, they end up missing out on everything.Violence drives people apart, it never pulls them back together. It’s irresponsible for our entertainment to suggest otherwise.You all make this newsletter happen! Thanks for your sponsorship! 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