Trauma Bonds, Abandonment & Unsafe Love | Petrona Joseph

from Pulling Threads, Weaving Authenticity · host Leslie Mathews

Why do we keep choosing partners who hurt us? In this episode, mental health advocate and author Petrona Joseph joins Leslie to unpack trauma bonds, unsafe love, and the abandonment wound that drives the loop. ▶ WORK WITH LESLIE 8-week divorce recovery program — THROUGH: https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram 1:1 coaching with Leslie: https://theloomlife.com ▶ ABOUT THIS EPISODE Petrona Joseph spent years pushing through panic attacks, depression, and a 17-year on-and-off relationship she now recognizes as a trauma bond. In this conversation she shares the moment her anxiety stopped her on a bridge in rush hour, why she resisted antidepressants for a decade, and how a primary caregiver's absence early in life shaped the unsafe partners she kept choosing as an adult. Leslie and Petrona dig into the neuroscience of trauma bonds (why they feel exactly like love), what "closing the loop" of a childhood wound actually looks like in adult relationships, and why most men in their 40s, 50s, and 60s still don't have a single safe person to talk to. This one is for anyone who has watched themselves return — over and over — to a person who keeps hurting them, and is starting to wonder if it's something deeper than love. ▶ WHAT YOU'LL LEARN Why trauma bonds get mistaken for love — and the biological reason the pull is so strong How an abandonment wound from childhood shapes who you're attracted to as an adult The difference between an unsafe person and someone who is just imperfect What it looked like for Petrona to finally accept a depression diagnosis after years of resistance Why "experiential" mental health advocacy matters alongside clinical expertise The state of men's mental health and why most men have no safe people ▶ ABOUT THE GUEST Petrona Joseph is an award-winning Communications Strategist, Presidential Lifetime Achievement Award recipient, and MHFA-certified Mental Health Workshop Facilitator. A trilingual Concordia University graduate in Linguistics, she is the author of Stigmatized: Demystifying Mental Health Illness and the upcoming Unsafe Love: Healing From Trauma Bonds, Betrayal, and Unsafe Attachment. Through Above Healing and Wellness, she has reached over 10,000 people across North America with workshops on resilience and early intervention. Timestamp: 00:00 Welcome Petrona Joseph 02:10 Thinking in French and growing up multilingual 05:05 From Trinidad to Grenada, New York, and Montreal 08:20 Ambition, law school, and ignoring mental health 13:30 Luxury cars, PR, TV, and finding a new path 19:45 Becoming “the annoying best friend” in PR 22:00 Anxiety attacks and the beginning of advocacy 30:10 The bridge panic attack that changed everything 36:20 Accepting medication and getting support 43:00 Healing is not a one-time fix 49:30 When anxiety affects everyday life 56:00 Going public about panic attacks 1:02:00 Writing about depression and mental health 1:08:00 Unsafe Love and trauma bonds 1:15:30 Why trauma bonds feel like love 1:24:00 Childhood wounds and repeating patterns 1:33:30 Attachment, abandonment, and trying to close the loop 1:43:00 When relationships become a place for healing 1:56:00 What secure love and repair can look like 2:10:00 Building psychologically safe relationships and cultures 2:18:30 Becoming a safe person after unsafe patterns 2:28:00 Mental health crisis support and men’s mental health 2:40:00 Why men need safe spaces too 2:52:00 Petrona’s books and where to find her 2:57:00 Closing reflections and goodbye Follow Petrona on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/iampetronajoseph ▶ CONNECT WITH LESLIE Website: https://theloomlife.com Therapy practice: https://loomlifetherapy.com Personal site: https://leslieellenmathews.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the.loom.life TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@leslieellenmathews ▶ IF THIS EPISODE HELPED Subscribe, leave a 5-star rating on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, and share this episode with someone you think needs to hear it. Reviews are how new listeners find the show. #TraumaBonds #UnsafeLove #MentalHealthPodcast #DivorceRecovery #AbandonmentWound #AvoidantAttachment #PullingThreads

What this episode covers

Why do we keep choosing partners who hurt us? In this episode, mental health advocate and author Petrona Joseph joins Leslie to unpack trauma bonds, unsafe love, and the abandonment wound that drives the loop.▶ WORK WITH LESLIE8-week divorce recovery program — THROUGH: https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram1:1 coaching with Leslie: https://theloomlife.com▶ ABOUT THIS EPISODEPetrona Joseph spent years pushing through panic attacks, depression, and a 17-year on-and-off relationship she now recognizes as a trauma bond. In this conversation she shares the moment her anxiety stopped her on a bridge in rush hour, why she resisted antidepressants for a decade, and how a primary caregiver's absence early in life shaped the unsafe partners she kept choosing as an adult.Leslie and Petrona dig into the neuroscience of trauma bonds (why they feel exactly like love), what "closing the loop" of a childhood wound actually looks like in adult relationships, and why most men in their 40s, 50s, and 60s still don't have a single safe person to talk to. This one is for anyone who has watched themselves return — over and over — to a person who keeps hurting them, and is starting to wonder if it's something deeper than love.▶ WHAT YOU'LL LEARNWhy trauma bonds get mistaken for love — and the biological reason the pull is so strongHow an abandonment wound from childhood shapes who you're attracted to as an adultThe difference between an unsafe person and someone who is just imperfectWhat it looked like for Petrona to finally accept a depression diagnosis after years of resistanceWhy "experiential" mental health advocacy matters alongside clinical expertiseThe state of men's mental health and why most men have no safe people▶ ABOUT THE GUESTPetrona Joseph is an award-winning Communications Strategist, Presidential Lifetime Achievement Award recipient, and MHFA-certified Mental Health Workshop Facilitator. A trilingual Concordia University graduate in Linguistics, she is the author of Stigmatized: Demystifying Mental Health Illness and the upcoming Unsafe Love: Healing From Trauma Bonds, Betrayal, and Unsafe Attachment. Through Above Healing and Wellness, she has reached over 10,000 people across North America with workshops on resilience and early intervention.Timestamp:00:00 Welcome Petrona Joseph02:10 Thinking in French and growing up multilingual05:05 From Trinidad to Grenada, New York, and Montreal08:20 Ambition, law school, and ignoring mental health13:30 Luxury cars, PR, TV, and finding a new path19:45 Becoming “the annoying best friend” in PR22:00 Anxiety attacks and the beginning of advocacy30:10 The bridge panic attack that changed everything36:20 Accepting medication and getting support43:00 Healing is not a one-time fix49:30 When anxiety affects everyday life56:00 Going public about panic attacks1:02:00 Writing about depression and mental health1:08:00 Unsafe Love and trauma bonds1:15:30 Why trauma bonds feel like love1:24:00 Childhood wounds and repeating patterns1:33:30 Attachment, abandonment, and trying to close the loop1:43:00 When relationships become a place for healing1:56:00 What secure love and repair can look like2:10:00 Building psychologically safe relationships and cultures2:18:30 Becoming a safe person after unsafe patterns2:28:00 Mental health crisis support and men’s mental health2:40:00 Why men need safe spaces too2:52:00 Petrona’s books and where to find her2:57:00 Closing reflections and goodbyeFollow Petrona on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/iampetronajoseph▶ CONNECT WITH LESLIEWebsite: https://theloomlife.comTherapy practice: https://loomlifetherapy.comPersonal site: https://leslieellenmathews.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/the.loom.lifeTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@leslieellenmathews▶ IF THIS EPISODE HELPEDSubscribe, leave a 5-star rating on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, and share this episode with someone you think needs to hear it. Reviews are how new listeners find the show.#T

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This episode was published on June 2, 2026.

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