Trick or Treating

and mashed potatoes. Welcome to another episode of Jesse and Wilders Guide to Life. I'm Jesse, that's wilder. We're here to guide your freaking life.

We think you are, player hater or mashed potato? I think I would like to be a mashed potato, but I'm probably more of a player hater to be H. Yeah. You feel, how are you feeling about it?

Obviously a mashed potato, dude. Yeah, you are. I was going to say, I hope you don't say player hater. You're a big mashed potato, for sure.

So this segment's done. I have one. It's not really a segment, but go on, yeah. I do, as you know, right click bait for a living now.

And I do a lot of research in the graph. I'm always googling something. I'm always in some little Google, which is the name of my book. I'm going to call my butt.

And I was recently writing about international Costco food courts. So for this first edition of Waboos Wisdom's. No, not another one. You're going to take a little quiz.

OK, OK, OK. I'm going to tell you a dish. And you're going to tell me which countries Costco serve this in our food court. OK, so I haven't, you already sent me a bunch.

Is this stuff that you haven't sent me at? There was a lot more. I thought this whilst I was sending it to you and try to keep these ones locked down. OK, great, great, great, great.

Can you share it just to set the tone a little bit? One of the ones you sent me already is like the nastiest baked potato I've ever seen in my life. I am in England where people live on purpose. They're selling baked potatoes, jacket potatoes, as those freaks call them.

And the options are chili, Kevin Malone style chili. Yeah, which is fine, but weird. It's fine, baked beans. Still in the realm of fine, believe it or not.

Hot tuna. That is. Brov, you can get any combination. If you put hot tuna and baked beans and chili and fucking cheese, they also have something called chicken baconnays.

Oh, boy. OK, OK, OK. The tone has been set. Hit me.

We shall wait no longer. Chicken teriyaki. What country sells that? I get the sense that it is not any like, I feel like Japanese would be too easy, right?

Like, so I don't think that's it. Yeah. Yeah, you've hit up on a theme already. Yeah, OK, good.

So then I'm going to go full opposite. I'm going to say Germany has the chicken teriyaki at Costco. Wrong. South Korea.

Fuck. OK. Well, that's OK. Seafood pizza.

That seems Australian. Taiwan, bitch. God damn it. Let's shake it up a little bit.

Let's shake it up a bit. Chicken bake. You know what they're doing? Spicy bulgogi bake.

Do you know I ate the biggest? I don't love KBBQ. Right. Because you're racist.

Because of the racism. So is it Korea? I mean, you said it wasn't that. That one is Japan.

God damn they swapped. Those dirty dogs. Let's stick with the Korean theme. Let's move on to Korean style.

Fried chicken wings. Where do they sell it? The Philippines. Australia.

Let's go. God. For our final. This game is a pod.

There's so many countries, bro. Yeah, dude. And here's the final one. And I believe it's the only location that sells this.

Gelato. I mean, I'm going to say Italy because I'll feel like an idiot if it's not. You are wrong. There are no Costco's in Italy.

Iceland, baby. Oh, they're keeping it. Extra cool. So good.

I'm going to do that. You're traveling and you've got your Costco card on you. Do you think they work internationally? Could I roll into fucking Iceland Costco?

Pick up some gelato with my US Costco card? They must. Oh my god. Dog, I have to get, honestly, this is kind of a bucket situation.

I need to get to these joints. I need to be in a Costco in another land, like desperately. Yeah, there's a lot of Reddit devoted to people posting pictures of foreign Costco venues. Oh my god, that's fucking odd.

Like a street court sounds like a risk at sandwich for a minute, which I think is making its return here in the US of A. I mean, the Food Court sounds buck, but I also would just love because like Costco, like so much of it's just like white labeled stuff. Like, oh, man, I want to know what they're getting up to in fucking Korea. Like what kind of deals they got?

Oh, oh, I'm OK. In Mexico, I heard you told about this. They do pizza all past door. They got pork and pineapple on a pizza that's absolutely out of bounds.

That sounds so good. Now if you are Costco, what do you buy them? Correct. Things in bulk.

What's something you might want to buy in bulk for a holiday coming up? Candy. Because why? Trick or treat it to come in.

Toss that one up to you. Tye in. It's trick or treating. Trick or trick.

I'm going to OK, so category. Trick or treating is today's thing. You're a treating guy, right? The tricks is like something I don't care for.

I don't fully understand it. I bet there's is the idea that you go to the door and I'm a little kid. My name in this scenario is what's like a little kid's name. I don't know.

Little. Why would it not just say? Maybe Davey. OK.

I'm a little baby Davey. And I'm hitting the streets. I got my pillowcase. I got my pumpkin costume.

And I ring the neighbor's doorbell. And I say trick or treat. Is this does this mean if you don't give me a treat, I'm going to play a trick on you? I believe it does.

Yes. OK. I'm not asking them to choose. It's not like truth or dare.

No, it is kind. It OK. So we can make some of the week. It makes the I'm on the trick or treating Wikipedia.

The tree is used to some form candy on some cultures. Money is given instead. Oh, take me there, please. Oh, the trick refers to a threat.

Usually idle to perform mischief of the home on the homeowners or their property if no tree is given. So yeah, that's a that's like a. I guess what it's not a threat for me. It's a promise.

If I say trick or treat, you know, you I'm going to steal the foundation of your home. I'm looking. Oh, so treating. Let's just go what's in the back.

What's in the back? Just like that, my favorite movie, Seven, which is a Halloween movie for sure. Yeah, and it is a box. Yeah, you know how it goes though.

What are we? So obviously, very quietly, full size and king size candy bars, obviously. Obviously. Obviously.

I mean, OK, we can't do this the whole time. But can we just talk it through some of the candies? Yeah, I think we should I think we should plow through some like holiday favorites. We can't we've talked so much about just like candy, but like, especially like ones that kind of like pop up like like I'll say like, whoppers is the one where like I feel like whoppers go to hibernation.

I know they don't, but I don't see them at all. And then all of a sudden. They're there. Yeah, I know.

Unfortunately, I what do we I hate whoppers, but I feel like you like them. I don't mind them. I wouldn't ever choose them over like something else unless the options were fucking like good and funny. Right.

Can we give them a can we give them a one or is it a two? It's a two for me. One is a is a no thank you. I don't want it in my bag.

Let me hit you before we get into the stuff we agree on. I got to do which should come as a surprise to nobody. I got some nasty ones that the world hates. But I like I do like candy corn.

OK, OK, OK, OK, OK, OK, you do. And that's stupid. But in a trick or treat bag, that also kind of sucks, right? I mean, I want it.

I like the taste of it. But is it like a little is it like a little bag? You have it because I only feel like I see loose candy for not like some in little individually rap packets, right? Have you ever seen it?

I mean, I can't remember. It's been years since I looked at my trick or treating logs. OK, I'll say loose candy is obviously a one. That's out.

And then I'll give candy corn a two. It's seasonal fine. It's I think that the hate that it gets is a little bit much. It just tastes like sugar guys.

Like it's fine. I like the pumpkin ones too. I like those little candy pumpkins. Yeah, the pumpkins have a nice texture.

The problem is I don't eat one. This is the problem. I'll eat one and go. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

You know, this is actually not bad. And I'll have a couple more. Yeah, I think I pull away. You got pull away right there.

And then all of a sudden that sugar like aftertaste lives in my throat and I'm a dead man. So it's can't. Yeah, you must exit. OK, you got another nasty one.

Very not. Well, very not quite the candy man situation. Like I don't want any razor blades in my candy apples. Please, Mr.

Poltergeist. Yeah, razors and drugs. The fake drugs thing. Can we get that out of the way?

Like no one's. Yeah, that sucks. OK, my other thing I like that people pay is smarties. Oh boy.

You want me to go higher than a one for smarties, dude? You know, I'm look, if it lands on. Why do you like them? Can you you like that they're like kind of chalky?

Yeah, it's like, you know, you get a little heartburn. You pop a smarties. Yeah, taste and looks and feels like medicine. I do like them.

I don't know what to tell you. They're tart and crunchy. And I like them. Oh, man.

You can put it in one because I know that I haven't met anyone in the whole world that agree. Yeah, I mean, I'll give you candy corn. I can't. That's too many concessions for me.

OK, maybe it's a hot take. Maybe it's a not take. I don't fucking care about Tootsie Rolls. A Tootsie pop.

Ooh, lovely. I will give Tootsie Rolls a two. But here's the thing. I only want the little ones.

If you give me one of those big logs, that looks like a piece of cash. Oh, my god. Big fucking turd. Yeah, I hate that.

I can't deal with the logs, dude. Demerrant, a log of any silver. No bueno for me. OK, but then the last thing that I like that everyone else hates is milky way.

I mean, not milky way. Sorry, three musketeers. Yeah, not everyone hates it, but it is stupid. I'll give it a two, though.

It's not bad. Like, I'm going to eat them. You know? I love NuGet, dude.

Yeah. Ted NuGet, they call me. They never did. Let's move on to the obvious ones.

There is no candy more synonymous with hallows weaned to me than the great big Reese himself. Yeah, big Reese, big Reese, and his ease, and his piece ease, and his all of it. And all his army. You could throw anything you want to me.

I never met a bad one. Only ones that aren't. I had the mini pumpkins the other day. Pretty slammin.

I'm not a bag of take five in my fridge right now. Just take five. That's a Reese's joint. We're going to just lump that all together.

That's fine. Yeah, OK, cool. It's always been Reese's secretly because it's all owned by the same fucking company. But now they're branded as Reese's.

Right, OK. I got another one for treating. You ever get a fucking religious pamphlet? Like a little Jesus?

No, that sounds bad. And then sometimes a penny. Hey, I said that I wanted money. Penny is not the money I would like, please.

My on-screen debut back in the Golden Age TV, even on the trick or treat around the nanny. That's the big gag is that I go trick or treating in the giddy pennies. I can't believe it took us this long to mention that you want to start on the silver screen. And by silver screen, I mean, whatever people call TV as.

It was a nanny. I played the nanny on 6 seasons of a nanny. That's why you're always like, or whatever she laughs like, you know? That's just a perfect frame.

OK, sometime you get a weird little bag of popcorn? That's actually a no for me. And I like popcorn. I've never heard of that.

It's like a little twisted bag of caramel corn. Sometimes it's a no. Pass. Yes, it's a pass.

To me, if we're going to say Reese's, we've got to toss Snickers. Snickers is a three to me. Far away. This is the best candy bar, in my opinion.

Are you counting a take five as a candy bar? I guess not. But is it? Is it a candy bar?

I guess it is a candy bar. I think it is. Well, it's tough because they always serve it in those little discus. It's not a bar.

It's like a little pellet. I don't know. Yeah, I know you don't love to toss your choco into the fridge. I know that's more of a me thing.

But to me, Snickers is always melty. You've got to cool that maybe down a little bit. I want it to be melty. Did I stick it right in between my?

You wrote a little. It's melty. Oh, yes. Slided down the crack of my ass.

Let it warm up, baby. Let it get nice and melty. This, yeah. And that's how it turns into a tuxedo.

Put that candy right in my bum. Cool. Stumes. Yeah, I put gear.

I'm putting it there, I think. OK. Stumes. What kind of stick?

I think we should. I think we'll keep it kind of general. We're not just going to list every kind of. Green Power Ranger.

Red Power Ranger. Homemade. Y'all are not. It has to be a two.

Yes. Because it is sick, but none of your little idiot friends can understand that. Yes. The ceiling unbelievably high.

The floor is straight in hell. I always had kind of like, not always, I shouldn't say, but I had a couple of banging homemade ones. Not that I made, right? Like my grandma, when I was a boy, much like you, and like many boys our age, loved the fucking mask.

Jim Carries, James Carries, the mask of fantastic film. She fucking handmade me a yellow suit. OK. This is the second time I've heard of someone's fucking grandma doing that for them.

Was the other one me also? No. The other one was fucking Kate's brother. What the hell is this shit about?

How come everyone got a fucking mask suit except for me? No, man. I got the big fedosie with that feather hanging up the side. Good.

I'm in Cuban Pete. Yeah. You know. I was in the king of the Rumba beat.

Everywhere I fucking went, they'd be like, oh my god, it's James Carries in the mask. And I go, it was smoking. And then run away. I was like five years old.

Fuck yeah. And I was just screaming a Tommy gun at people. Yeah. And they wouldn't give me a costume.

That would be taught kids how to be annoying. You understand? Correct. Like if you were a kid and you'll like that class, what you learned was that you can always respond in a bad voice.

And you will always think it's funny. You can piss someone off any time you want ever for the rest of your life. My cartoons can be real life. And you will like it.

And no one else will. Homemade is a two. I need them. I can't the latex mask.

It's a one. It's a nightmare. It's sweaty. It smells bad.

Like the rubber mask. Yeah. Like what are you? Like Michael Myers?

I don't like a little kid. A little Michael Myers kid. No, thank you. Well, not even that.

Like when I was a guy. Yeah. I don't know. I just feel like there's always like even like if you're dressed as like President Obama, you know, it's like that rubber mask.

It's like, god damn. I'm sweating my whole ass off. We need squad. Oh, yes.

And I got to give you a very not quite lit. And it's me. It's the me. It's the Jim Halper.

I hate costumes. Oh, yeah. That sucks. And I'm like in a costume party scenario, you got to put one on.

Yeah. But this is strictly trick-or-treating. Are you as a kid not wearing a costume? No, no, no, no.

As a kid, like there was a time when I was like too fucking cool for it. And I was like, I just wore like blue clothes. And I was like on blue. That's my costume.

Oh my god, dude. How is it? What is it like being too cool, dude? Was it said that's what you would understand, first of all?

But it's said. Of course I wouldn't understand. Dude, I'm fucking Cuban Pete. You're joking during that?

The quiet lit strategy is go to the rich people's neighborhoods. Yes. I went in a gated community one time. Fuck my tits.

That was good. Yeah. It's funny that you said one time. Never in my life did I not go to the rich.

I mean, I think for like the first like, I guess like. You had to get that invite. No, dude. That's the beauty.

You don't. You can just go. You don't know your dirt. You can just fucking go.

Like we always, I mean, where I went to high school everywhere was the rich neighborhood. But you had to go shut up to the downs in Arinda. The fucking cup runneth over, baby. King size.

And the sick thing about that is sometimes you fuck around and end up in, like, somebody has turned their garage into a haunted house. So now you have to do a fun little fucking haunt. I guess that's just like a bonus point. Maybe like a fun little activity while it's going.

Or you can just opt out. I'll just take my skittles. Ooh, skittles too. It's too for me.

What about, I think I'm gonna give this a one and like, obviously I eat one if I had to, but a flat lollipop, a flat point color lollipop, you don't talk about. It's standard. Like a doctor's office lolli. Is that what you talk about?

Yeah, doctor's office pop. Yeah, doctor office pop is a two to me. Get me a blow pop. Oh, here quite lip green apple blow pop fuck.

Oh, I don't like blow pop. Oh The gum is a nightmare to me the gum. I don't need the gum you swallow it Dude, it's like I swallowed that gum every fucking time every time you think they made it out small because they knew that we were Just gonna do that anyways you two for ten seconds. It was horrible It's like no, I gotta swap this needs to go in my belly now It tastes like the lollie Oh, you know what was good And this is really at the time because I would have a fucking full-on seizure if I have this now Pixie sticks it's it's a I I don't think I fucking ruled oh you go to those candy shops and just forget one of those huge Tues, oh my god, I don't know that I ever loved them, but where do you want it?

I'm gonna put it as a two Are you okay with that? Yeah, I think it's definitely a one But just at the time it ruled um, you know, I love spk's we get those daddies and very quite lit spk We talk our patch kids. Oh, yeah, okay. Yeah, little jollies.

Um, I like a jolly I like a jolly too jolly is great. It tastes good I'd say why jolly's good first of all they taste good. Great reason nothing more important when you're celebrating your spoils than Slowing your role. I have to really think about how often I would just sit in my room Well, I guess like 14 pieces of candy right now And then you have them in the book like in the house for a while after Halloween every time you walk by that bull Grab two or three gotta grab two or three the cooling with a jolly is like cool.

I'm locked into a jolly right now I can't it's not like nebnam's words like mm eight that pack in 30 seconds. What's next jolly is like hey buddy pump the brakes Let's slow it on down enjoy this word or melon strategy No one with the spoils with you with the crew yeah, you get home and you dump it out and you start talking you start talking trades You start talking post yeah, what are you like? Oh, you like gum? Yeah, dude.

You have all my this bazooka Joe Oh my god bazooka Joe dude, that's about dude. How about just like a trident pack for very not quite lit. Oh my god, any honestly gum? Fuck off.

I love gum. I'm a big gum shooter. There was a time when gum kind of ruled what like there was some sour They were like some sour gum. Oh, yeah, but you want more gum that you're just eating Yeah, spoils or the spoils a little bit wicks nothing wrong with it.

No Murder finger is obviously a two because it's so many problems, but so delicious I will say butter finger shines on Halloween because you it only exists in its small form Which is perfect. Can you imagine eating a full-size butter finger right now like those ones that are like what are they four feet long? They're so long bananas this okay Can I talk can I be an old man shaking my fist at the clouds for a second? I and this is nothing this is not related to treating obviously specifically, but and I lots of people complain about this This is a hacky open my comic, but great.

What's what's up with candy only being in fucking king size? Have you peeped this? Yes, like when I go when I go into the fucking gas station I know you can't get you can't get a fun-sized dog I know but not just not a fun size I just want a regular bag of M&M's please I don't need a fun size, but I don't why is everything this one share regular bags M&M's pretty frequently. Oh man.

I think candy bars candy bars too all of them Yeah, I can't and also king size is bullshit because it's just two of them. There's two Yeah, that's a coward. Yeah, it's cowards I need if you're gonna do that make it huge you make it a bazooka a full yeah He did now the pillow sack is a three to me right the pillowcase yeah limitless you know you have a little plastic orange pumpkin Oh my god the bucket near the pumpkin is a one time Candy pumpkin is shit. Oh my god.

Oh, I can't have any more candy because my bucket's too full of trident gum We used that when we got right when you okay, this is this is like a strategy And I do think it's a two you're like final two years of trick or treating is really where you shouldn't be trick or treating anymore But maybe you gave it up early because you were too cool for school But when you really start to get into like our costumes are kind of tiki tacky everyone is much younger than us We're definitely just out here getting handy We one year like someone in my friend crew brought a foot I guess this may be a squad member We're fucking backpack and we were like we're gonna trigger free for fucking four hours tonight Baby, so we gotta we gotta dump them all of our we're gonna fill all these pillowcases We're gonna dump it in that backpack. We're gonna fill them up again. Bring reinforcements. I like that Yeah, it's I think it's a two because it's like you are a little shit, but in the moment nothing is more powerful You feel like you cracked it the case.

We haven't said one single thing about trick I know cuz I hate them. I'm not a big trickman. Are you a trickster? I've heard of someone doing this.

Well, so I feel like Halloween is a big night for mischief in general So like very not very nice house. Don't mischief anybody right? I've right a good house Don't TP anyone's house unless they're a fucking square obviously. I'll tell you what a nice trick is though We in a house has a little jump scare by their candy You know talking about like somebody on the porch that looks like they're yeah I think that the people giving the candy should be doing the tricks.

Yeah, don't put your bowl on on the portion don't come Sorry, I got the booster brain gang got that boosty today. It's coursing through my body. I'm extra powerful But extra bad at talking now listen up. Uh-huh some people have a bowl on their porch with candy sitting in it in a fucking Honor system take some if you wish situation.

Yes, that can go to hell what I do trick or treat or don't trick or treat You come to that door or you fucking turn off your lights and act like you're not home. No way That's a great one because if you're a little teen you're like these are children. They're gonna take it all Yeah, I remember a time where I got to that and it was bountiful There's always like just the smarties left. Jump was on them.

That shit was good I'm putting strategy clean out the take one bowl as a two cuz like snooze you lose bitch I was always getting there early enough to snook them all up. I'm a graph is there early to prey on the yeah I'm are you kidding you son still up, baby? It's mid afternoon. I'm out there tricking and treating.

I think you need a navigator I don't want that job. I want someone else to be like this is the good house. This is the good house. You know neighborhood expert I need someone to hit you the manifesto like a politician being briefed agreed someone that is a one-first squad is a wild card I don't want somebody that's like hey should we Know I'm already out.

I'm already out throw a rock through the window. Yeah, like we should do is stick to the plan Strategy is stick to the plan. Oh my god stick to the freaking plant. It's like is candy not enough for you You little freak out what you need to do yeah, what's going on at home that this night where we get free candy is not good enough for you?

I'm not throwing a rock. I'm not doing any fireworks. Oh my god. Oh fireworks It's a two because it's not destroying anything, but it's so annoying for trick.

Yeah, sure we didn't talk about costumes basically at all So we always say and we'll dress up like an M&M. Okay. No, no, I need something for gear for my costume It's this sounds easy and duh, but like it's so true. I need comfort, baby Like yeah, I don't have to hold anything no props.

Oh my god If you're a grim reaper leave the scythe at home props. Yeah, props suck and you think it's so cool like I'm the Terminator I have to have my gun you don't you hold it all fucking night Yeah, I thought of a horrible one for squad But it's like a necessary evil as when you first get started do your parents Dude and keep it going with younger siblings are absolute ass when you're trick-or-treating, but yeah, you get home You pile drive them you fucking bulldoze them right? Yeah, you have first of all you you have to stonewalls down them into the next universe But I got to think older siblings is it too, right? Because you get into that little mischief.

Yeah, you get hang out with older kids But it's on your candy though because older kids won't take that good candy right? Yeah, they're gonna be you're gonna pay the fucking toll you're gonna pay the little troll to hang out with the big boys Oh, I'll tell you who's a fucking worthless character is parents that tell you to stop eating candy on Halloween Don't you know what day it is get lost you're gonna stop with my presence on fucking Christmas like what are we doing? Do you hate parents? Yeah, they just own her family honestly sucks for squad.

Yeah, yeah Yeah, if you ever trip a trip like your cousin that you only see twice a year Oh Strategies I got a negative one a one a neighborhood. You've never been in you even if you're going to the rich neighborhood You have to scope it You got a case to join you cannot you can't catch me in a hood I'd never been in I need to lay the lay in a little bit I'm not willing to be unprepared this night I like when a place has a like if you trick or treat it in your neighborhood, right? And you live like let's I don't know you live in the same house for a long time when you were a kid right like your dad's house Yeah, like neighbors that had kind of like signature Sort of like think like oh, yeah, the Johnson's down the road. Yeah, I do the big long decoration extravaganza I love that shit signature a signature dish for the house.

Yeah, it's great Chelsea Where the neighborhood that her dad lives in Rhode Island this person hand builds a massive structure in his front yard every year So like one year it was just like a huge fucking pirate ship with a bunch of scaling tins and stuff And then like you're before that it was big space ship big alien space ship with a bunch of little alien goo These popping up everywhere this reminds me very not quite lit real quick people that overdo it with the scary There was this place yes in fucking West Hollywood. Yeah, dude. I mean that picture all the fuck You're like ten days. Hey, this motherfucker tree.

Yeah, that sucks I should be okay. This is it. I should not be scared. I should be impressed Halloween Yes, but that but other than that and that and usually jump scare is impressed because it's like somebody was being like a human statue somewhere Or they got a really good decoration but like costumes decorations because guess what?

You're not gonna scare me. You're just it's just gross to see you're like bloody face makeup like I don't give a shit Other side of that coin funny tombstones Okay, I'm medium to those are you you're in on them sometimes I see what I never seen before and I'm like, okay, all right No, bad. I okay. I agree my prop.

Okay. We have I think I definitely talked about this before with you There is two different people in my neighborhood that have some funny tombstones, but then they also have like some sincere tombstones No, no, so there's like there's one pastor pastor prime right like pastor like pastor like pastor her prime She's dad. It's upon great Yeah, next of that is one that clearly was very topical at a time and is no longer topical and it says it says like 2020 because it was clearly like probably when everyone's like I hate this year We just got to get over the hump next to that So that was a kind of a joke but a little sincere and like of a moment. That's no longer here and then there's just one for Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

Oh It just says RPG next to fucking 2020 and pastor prime Like master Bader Ginsburg No, dude, it's not because it's not it just says the initials and it has the actual years that she died It says RPG and then it's big That's my favorite scab and by the way real big ghost real big ghost Yeah, so that so I have to give just pranks prank But but that one's not a prank toomstown. It's not really her I think Yeah, what kind of decorations do you like to see? Oh, it's a great question. It's a great question.

I love the elaborate carved pumpkin. I love the craftsmanship of it. I love yeah of a sharp reference I love a fun use of the space. I love to just admire it and say mmm.

That's good stuff I agree with that. I also hate carving pumpkins myself. It's yucky inside. I want to touch some guts.

Yes. Yes Yes, that's why I love seeing car pumpkins because I know how much fucking work winded that it is the most bullshit activity to ever do in your life. It sucks as this place and There was a pumpkin carbon contest and my team we had a very good artist in our group Yes, I was like could you do the death star and she was like yeah, I can and she fucking banged out this killer ass death star out of our Pumpkin and we didn't win because this other guy who was a team of himself made a very impressive Jack Skellington walking along that Curving Hill so like the outline of the hill protruded into the center of the pumpkin It was a perfect Jack Skellington mother fucker shot to air miss he's a good guy That's so awesome car pumpkin. I love here's a trick that I don't love people who smash pumpkins in the street Don't smash people's pumpkins.

No, that's for Billy Corgan and God the only two men I love What's the difference? What kind of decorations do you like to see? Well, I do love a swang and ghost Do you love a swing through the lawn? Yeah, you like that little chatter book.

Yes, I don't want to see as I'm approaching someone's driveway a little jigsaw on a tricycle come out No, thank you. Is that one you've seen? No, but I don't want to come rolling out there on the lawn I would turn right around. Yeah, I'm gonna put actual jigsaw's on one for tricks Thank you.

I one year at the school. I worked out kid came to school is from Konstein. Yeah, and shout to Frank machine shout out to Frank machine where my monsters at he were my mummies were my goo-les. Yeah, they're all three's You already know that dude raccoon fucking moonie for the wolf man But from Konstein was there at school that day and I love the most fun He did he looks sharp He like wore a suit and and he he fucking committed to this bit where he was like dragging like a club foot behind him And like even from steam that's a zombie.

Yeah, he's like lurching and like kind of like moaning a little bit and he like did it First of all it's ever even late to every class Which is so funny to me We were looking out the window We were just like after Halloween I was chatting with a co-worker and we look out the window and he's still doing it after school as he walks across the quad alone He just got home right now. Yeah, he's yeah four years later from Konstein finally got home to do his fucking chemistry homework What about like a classic like party city costume with like the little string ties behind you? I think it's a two honestly. I don't mind it at all.

Yeah, I mean it does the trick Yeah, and like what at the end of the day is my thing that I use every year for every Halloween, which is my animal onesie Yeah, I've been in 2012 what an investment my word. Yeah, that's probably stank like ass though Huh? once Chelsea has a big pizza costume and for a while I just would put that on in Halloween and wear sunglasses and be cool pizza and that's a hit people love that shit They go what are you guys a cool pizza? I was a pizza and I was a kid I was everything pizza and I just glued all kinds of bullshit onto like a little GI Joe's quarters I This this is a two to me is like and maybe it's a maybe it's a one But I do enjoy them on from time to time the like Reference I don't know pop culture reference of the year costume like oh, we're all gonna be joker this year Yes, that is a negative ten million for me.

I can someone is the only one that's great. You've done it Try to think outside the box. Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah I'll say pop culture reference like that nobody does is or also pop culture reference in general is a two But the one where it's like oh, this is the Halloween where we all dressed as 11 from stranger things That's a one. Mm-hmm.

I like kind of when a parent dresses a kid up and usually this is like a real young kid, right? Like but when they dress it get up is something that definitely the kid doesn't understand. They're like, oh, this is my yeah This is my my five-year-old yeah, he's Frazier Crane from the show Frazier This is little Davey and this is his Heisenberg costume. Yeah, I do like that shit part of me's like that's I guess If you have a kid and you feed it and you pay for all its bills and you change its little stinky shitass diapers And you listen to it fucking bitch and moan all the time the least that thing could do is let you dress it up as all this the least To me is like a basic costume that only exists as a what are you and then you say it and they're like oh So like the Facebook costume or like best that is like a that's how I feel like I have a lazy It's great if you don't have to ask I'll tell you what my number one current costume is the fucking dancing pumpkin man from like You know what I'm talking about yes, of course the public act Yeah, yeah, yeah, cuz I just have a pumpkin mask in there that guy has moves and a body from space Yeah, yeah, that's a bonus point for sure the pumpkin man he I could do that every year I have black pants I have a black long sleeve.

I have a pumpkin mask the costume is done I can move and groove I'm a wiggle beast. I don't know if I have too many other you know, it's good squad We need to talk about this. Oh, you're a little kid. You're talking you're talking your buddy I don't know his name is Bennington.

You're like Bennington who's on the guest list tonight Bennington's like Joe It's trash treasure and tanner and mimic or whatever and then he's like oh and also Allies coming oh shit allies coming a little crush. Oh a little crush on the squad a crush dude That's gotta be a two yeah, cuz like you're you're never more thrown off than when you are a preteen And you're with all your little goon ass friends be in the mask and then fucking Jessica shows up and you're like, yeah I know how do I need to know they're coming first so you can play that costume accordingly, huh? Oh my god what costume dude, there's no right costume if you're 12 years old and your crush is coming to trick or treat with you There's no fucking costume. There's no way you could dress or act or behave that is not going to betray every correct But there's degrees of severity like you want to come as like some star craft character You want to like maybe switch that out and like maybe you're coming to full the xenomorph from alien On stilts you're like eight feet tall Yeah for gear stilts is a note of me I mean there is like Myers probably not good for the squad now You just mean like the actual the Michael.

Yeah, I mean this he famously just comes out on the one night Yeah, he well he loves to see pop so much. Yeah, people don't know that's what he's out there when he's got that knife He's just once them toots. He's bad. Give me them tootsies For treating obviously this is a one this did happen I feel like a lot more when we were kids probably and not so much now but a homemade treat like a I think I used to get like a Rice Krispy Treat that's no for now.

Oh, no, you can't do that and probably like for now in like shouldn't have been there Don't get me. Yeah, I think even my parents even my teenage parents that used to like smoke cigarettes in the house with me Or like no, dude, you cannot eat that cookie throw that You cannot have that But dude, I do love a rice Krispy treat man I just ran through all those little Debbie snacks they have star crunch which is basically rice crispy treat But it's like cocoa Krispies on the outside. Yes, and those are individually wrapped shot a little dev on that You could probably deb I think that's a two. Oh get a little deb.

Yeah, sure a little bakery cake ones Obviously, I got one that's a bad. I think it's a trick When you're with your parents and stuff and they they all they make you all take a picture. Oh my god Oh my god, was this prom? We just get some candy.

I didn't get a fucking flat line If I don't get some sugar in my eyes. Yeah, what's um, can you hit me with like do you have like a signature? I don't really have one, but do you have like a signature trick-treating story or experience other than when you are on TV? I mean, honestly like just with a one time we went to that gated community was fucking dope I wasn't there was no family around there were it was like some people I didn't know it was the rich neighborhood Yeah, J.

Bo went to the private school that got me hooked up with that crew. Yes. Yeah, it was good It was good. It was good.

It was only teens dude. Oh, Lee teens. Oh my god. Just nasty filthy down there I'm not a teens.

You're probably fucking 12. Oh now stay little pre-teens. Oh, okay shells off costume zone. You know I'm saying damn dude damn It would be time to go now Halloween as just a big pukashell necklace.

You think that's anything probably not great. Well, thanks everyone for listening Thank you to Moderna. I guess who did you get your shot from? Yeah?

I went with Moderna. I think I was gonna bring my talents to the city of Moderna Mm-hmm. I just been sticking with Moderna the whole time sort of brand loyal at this point I like that dude. I love that TV program.

They got Moderna family Moderna familia, it's the fucking we have modern family at home and It's Moderna familia. That's the telemundo version. Stock up. Let me give you a little life hack everyone at home Even if you're like I'm in an apartment building.

No one's gonna trick or treat. Guess what? Fly to yourself buy that big assortment back go to Target get that big fucking $25 bag of candy Make sure you get the ones you like and then when nobody shows up you go well Yeah, Candy's gonna go to waste if I don't eat it all tonight, and then you do that mm-hmm Oh, I'm like some of the pictures of your stews. Please let us see.

This year I'll probably be punking man again to be honest. Honestly, we're moving 30 versus the last day in our home So it's actually the biggest bummer Halloween There probably is yeah, we'll be just moving boxes people will be like Trick or treat like the fuck out of my way. I got a table look out. I have you got anything to say to the people?

I said that's not true. Huh shut up. I want to say a good day and good tidings to the big nasty X They are back on the board, baby. Yeah And I'm talking about fucking see Erdle.

I'm talking about dollars. That's Dallas Yeah, good thing you clear it up cuz you said a different word bigger. That's not the same. Yeah, the big D dollars Dollars, dollars, Tarchers, so I said about oh I said about no you said you say the credits.

Oh boy Well, I'm gonna say thank you to bat Todd for the news I'm gonna say thank you to Adam pay for the art and then you're gonna say if you don't got the meat don't trick or treat