Trouble sleeping and transformation

I have quite a bit to talk about, but I don't really have much time to myself. So I'll see what I can get through last night. I didn't have any trouble falling asleep. Actually, when I was falling asleep, I felt something shift and click. And I felt like I was floating. And before that happened, I saw a friend of mine, in my mind's eye from California. And his smile just radiated to me and I smiled back. And I felt that energy of our connection, and I just felt like I was sort of one with him and his consciousness. And he's such a wonderful friend that I haven't thought too much of because I forget everything. But he was just so there and present with me. And I felt like I was floating. And one. And then at something like 330, in the morning, I had that scary heart thing happen where I wake up. And it was this sense of panic, I would call it. And if I were in California, it might be something that would make me take a Seroquel. But since I'm at home, I got up and I took a vitamin C, lipids, ferric, vitamin C packet. And then I put on some Krishnamurti audio and just listened to that and fell back asleep. And yesterday, I was doing some reading, and I was thinking about how, before I was ever labeled with mental illness, I was in this kind of process for two months. And at some point, eventually, I couldn't handle it. And that might happen again. But I'm seeing that in all the years leading up to that transformation that was turned into a mental illness. I was doing all that kind of reading. And then I got transformed into mental illness. So I've been focusing and reading and learning about different perspectives and talking about this along the way. But I realized yesterday, if it was a transformation process, I need to start reading about some of these maps of transformation again, because I've been spending a lot of time making my own context and meaning in order to move myself out of the mental health paradigm. But I'm sort of lost in my own map making process. And there are other maps for transformation. And I don't know if that's what's happening, for sure. But I'd rather assume that then assume that it's returning symptoms of a mental illness. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/bipolar_inquiry. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.