Turn Their Insults Around ON Them

Insults are attacks plain and simple. You must defend yourself against attacks, but being defensive is bully food. So what’s the difference between being defensive and standing up for yourself. That’s what we’re about to get into afterIf you attack the content of the insult, that’s defensive. If you attack the person’s frame who just insulted you, that’s standing up to them.By attacking the content of an insult but not the person who said it, you silently accept that person’s behavior toward you and their frame of mind--where they’re coming from. AKA their frame.They keep thinking they’re good to go and you’re the chump who’ll take it, ready to dish the BF whenever they get hungry.You have to stand up to THEM, NOT what they say and do.We only defend what we believe is vulnerable. What the bully says about you shouldn’t matter to you nearly as much as their attempt to control your frame. Usually not being defensive against their insult is enough to show your frame is stronger than theirs.However, most bullies continue on and on with insults until they crack you, so you have to attack their frame by holding yours.Instead of fighting the insult, you should accept it in one of three ways:Turn it against the bully:ORTurn it into a joke:ORSay nothing and change the topic:Never attack the content. Control the FRAME. OR another way to look at it is to never literally defend yourself. Set the frame and make them react to you.Recognize the bully's frame so you can switch them to yours.We’ll learn much more about framing and reframing in the next episode. I’ve talked about both in the past few weeks, and hopefully now I’ve peaked your interest enough to learn the nitty gritty.The basics here: Attack the bully’s frame of mind and the negative assumptions behind their behaviors. Do not attack the specific things they say or do to you. Another way to think of this is to aim for their reasons for being a jerk not the jerk moves themselves. They want you to overreact or cower to their moves. They don’t expect you to attack them as a person, but that’s what is needed. Call them out for being a bully NOT bullying you.Watch on YouTubehttps://youtu.be/wf2RPff9L2E