Unsolicited Commencement Address from 2005

We're through 2025's commencement address season. I don't mind lofty ideals and encouraging words but isn't a dose of realism also needed?  And that's where I come in.  My first attempts at Life Coaching might be in this unsolicited commencement address to our nation's grads as heard in my weekly feature Vague But True on the the Bob and Tom Show in 2005.  20 years later, was I right?  On tattoos I'll admit I was probably wrong.