Tracy Coenen: Know the Money Before You Settle (Part 1)

Most people going into a divorce are not looking for fraud. They are looking for an explanation of where the money went, and they keep accepting the one they are given. Forensic accountant Tracy Coenen says roughly the same thing to almost everyone who reaches her: you do not have to prove anything yet, you just have to know the money before you settle.Tracy Coenen is a certified public accountant, certified in financial forensics, and has spent more than 25 years investigating fraud, mostly in the corporate world, where executives steal and companies harm each other financially. Her divorce work has traditionally been for high-net-worth cases with genuinely complicated money, so she built the Divorce Money Guide for everyone else: the person who suspects something, cannot afford a forensic accountant, and does not know where to look. Her book, Find Me the Money, tells that story through Jackie, a composite of hundreds of clients. This is part one of two with Tracy.Coenen defines financial infidelity broadly, and deliberately: an outright lie about money, an account your spouse does not know about, spending that violates an agreement you both made, or simply not answering a question you were never quite asked. She and Lisa go through the excuses that come with it, and Lisa talks about her own marriage, where mail went to a relative's address, tax returns were signed without being read, and cash turned up with a story attached.The second half is practical. What a forensic accountant does that a regular accountant does not, and Coenen's estimate of how rarely one is actually required. Prenups and postnups explained as plain contracts, including the reconciliation scenario where a postnup gets signed in a difficult marriage. Warning signs that are behavioral rather than financial. Shame and overwhelm, two of the five thieves in her book, and how they keep people from doing the work. And the pressure play where a take-it-or-leave-it offer arrives before a third of the documents do.As always, this is strategic education, not legal or mental-health advice for your specific situation.🎓 What you'll learnWhy "know the money" is a more useful standard than trying to prove fraudWhat financial infidelity covers, including the lie of omissionThe justifications people use for hiding money, and why none of them hold up in a division of marital propertyWhat a forensic accountant does that an accountant does not, and when you don't need onePrenups and postnups as ordinary contracts you can write, replace, or void togetherRed flags that are behavior changes: secrecy, lockouts, and sudden cash withdrawalsShame and overwhelm as two of the five thieves in Coenen's bookWhy an offer that arrives before the documents do is a reason to slow down⏱️ Chapters 0:00 Intro 1:00 "This is so much bigger than I imagined" 3:00 Why Coenen stopped leading with fraud and started with "know the money" 5:00 Financial control in a marriage, and what a forensic accountant actually does 8:00 Financial infidelity, and the lie of omission 10:00 Mail sent elsewhere, unread tax returns, and the stories that explain them 13:00 "I earned it": the standard justifications for hiding money 15:00 Separate money, equitable vs. equal, prenups and postnups 19:00 Red flags: secrecy, lockouts, and changes in how money moves 23:00 The five thieves: shame, overwhelm, and the paralysis they cause 26:00 The cost of divorce, and settling before the documents arriveKeep going 💜 Book a free 30-minute discovery call and we'll help you map your next steps: https://beentheregotout.com/call 📘 Been There Got Out: Toxic Relationships, High-Conflict Divorce, and How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances — https://www.amazon.com/dp/194627495X 📘 Been There Got Out: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You (our parental-alienation book) — https://www.amazon.com/dp/1967674183 🔗 Tracy Coenen's Divorce Money Guide: https://divorcemoneyguide.com/ 🔗 Tracy Coenen at Sequence Inc. Forensic Accounting: https://www.sequenceinc.com/tracy-coenen-forensic-accountant-and-fraud-investigator/About Been There Got Out Chris Barry and Lisa Johnson are high-conflict divorce, custody, and co-parenting strategists, and the founders of Been There Got Out. They know these cases from the inside: both have successfully represented themselves in family court. Few attorneys have a playbook for a case like this — Chris and Lisa write yours with you, so you and your kids can get through it as unscathed as possible.