Vampire's Kiss (1988) - Because You Watched Starcrash

Vampire’s Kiss (1988)  “You’re in the goddamn crapper, Loew, and I’m trying to take a dump. So either shut up and leave the acting lessons for home or go back to the ladies’ room.” Is it a deft American Psycho-level satire, a taut supernatural or psychological thriller, or insane, ridiculous crap? That’s the question facing our Distinguished Professors as they discuss the 1988 Nicolas Cage meme-fest Vampire’s Kiss.  Let’s see if they find an answer. Topics discussed include gratuitous displays of alphabet-yelling, Cage’s love for this movie and role, Loew as a Renfield, a plug for proper hydration, the mystery of the imaginary (?) psychiatrist, Renfield’s a bug-eating simp, a plan for the holiday special that we don’t follow, a digression into the literary origins of vampires, late-80s hair and fashion, musing on whether Cage’s antics fit this movie, the role of ambiguity here, parallels with Joker, Loew’s awful Philadelphian accent, weird camera shots, the fake dialogue with Jackie on the way back to Loew’s apartment, Loew’s gradual descent into madness and how this movie takes its time, Alva as the center of both the movie’s corporate satire and its cruelty, the ambiguity of the murder, weird comedic moments, a possible fourth wall break, the roach-eating scene, Nosferatu playing in the background, the violent mimes and veering into the territory of the art film, Loew’s façade of culture, vampire practice, “BOO HOO!”-ing, Cage’s physical acting, a cheap postcard to New York, Loew’s prior scumbag behavior, and the state of contemporary art in the 1980s. Plus, look: soup!