Vatican City (Where the Grass Is Green and the Girls Are Pretty)

Ah, Vatican City—undeniably the most metal place in Christianity, where all you need to defeat ancient pagan magic is a Latin engraving and the unearned confidence of a garden-variety white dude. Turns out the holiest real estate on Earth was originally a gross, mosquito-infested swamp named after a deity of vaginal baby tears. Before the Pope moved in, Vatican City was just a miserable Etruscan bog where the wine tasted exactly like mildew and the locals worshipped Vagitanus—a childbirth deity whose name literally means "weeping" and who definitely lacked a feminist marketing team.We trace its evolution from an incel-adjacent swamp suburb into a playground for obscenely wealthy Roman elites. Along the way, we meet the infamous Emperor Caligula, who decided this soggy marsh was the absolute perfect spot to build a massive chariot racetrack right around the time Jesus was allegedly getting crucified somewhere else.Expect aggressive stabbing, terrible sommelier reviews, stolen Egyptian monuments, demon-infested obelisks, and the absolute peak of Cisgendered Middle-Aged White Man Podcast Bingo.Fully scripted. Heavily produced. Featuring Vagitanus, the cosmic midwife, and Caligula getting stabbed thirty times.PATREONInsiders tell us only the very coolest people support this show—and our sources are extremely trustworthy, completely real, and absolutely not something we made up five minutes ago. Get 2 bonus episodes every month, early ad-free listening, and exclusive extras. 👉 Join Our Community on Patreon Here → patreon.com/satanismysuperheroCONTINUE THE JOURNEY If you think a vaginal crying swamp is a wild foundation for a religion, check out Ep. 75 | Constantine: The Great Christian Lie, where we unpack how a ruthless Roman Emperor turned a minor apocalyptic cult into the ultimate political power grab. 👉 Listen to Ep. 75 | Constantine: The Great Christian Lie HereSend us Fan MailSupport the showWelcome, Sinners!  We’re building a cult — the good kind. No robes, just laughs. Catch every blasphemous episode: Listen Here Wear your heresy: Merch Store Support the pod & unlock Hoots songs: Patreon Your reviews, shares, and smart-ass comments keep the cult alive.