We Cannot Take You Two Anywhere 🌿 (with guest, Matteo O.)

This week on the porch we welcome our first official guest — Matteo, Hailey's husband's best friend of 40-something years and a man who has never once smoked with us until right now. We break him in properly with American Pie indica, Powder Donut for the re-up, and a round of porch tax that somehow involves actual Girl Scout cookies baked into the cookies.We cover a lot of ground: Matteo's first time getting so high he stopped driving and just walked away from the car, the three-day edible that took both him and his wife completely out and the executive decision they made to dispose of the rest for the good of humanity, and a conspiracy theory about whether animals know that humans live inside cars. Then we get into Harper's holiday boutique spending debut — $44 budget, $15 spent, one spatula that says "Move Over Santa, Here Comes Gigi," and a singular tube of Barbie ChapStick for her sister.Also: the bridge has structural updates, every tree has a story, and we accidentally overdid it. Again.