And all you Joe's in pros and welcome to another episode Jesse Wilder's Guide to Life I'm Jesse. That's wilder. We're here to guy your life You say Joe's and and crows Joe's and pros dude. Just pros.
Oh, okay. Okay. I think it was a television show one point Joe's and Joe's and pros paintball came up first I'm the Cleveland Tennessee. Well, how do we both get a Tennessee?
Oh well? It makes a little more sense for me I'm much closer to Tennessee than you are paint. No, okay It was a it was a tight-ass it was on spike TV baby TV for dudes finally. Oh my god finally It's owned by it's paramount now paramount owns it or owned it sick.
I'm about to I'm about to die of boredom You don't want to talk about paramount to yellowstone your favorite die. Oh, I see yeah We are death in fact talking about death. It's the most important death, which is the death of Bernie This episode is about weekend in Bernie's right off the bat You know one of us had to not see this movie and I'm the one this time, you know, what's his last name Mac Sanders Can I just say yeah? You would think that his name is Bernie Lomax, which is a sick name as far as I'm concerned Lomax low max always a robot.
Yes I think for as long and as good a friends that we are you think we would have seen both seen one movie in common You know what I mean? It feels like yeah, the only movies we've seen in common. We saw together So it's Rango. It's Rango in theaters those were the days and Sonic in both seen in theaters.
Oh, yeah Don't forget Sonic, bro. Rango. It's not a try all I do is try to forget Sonic So do I need to know anything let me tell you what I think this movie's about yeah Hit me and then I'll hit you with the corrections to Crambunctious teenagers are throwing a party at their uncle Bernie's house And he's dead and in order to keep throwing the party. They have to pretend he's alive.
Is that correct? It's not I'd like you to try and make it Take what he was not about a party it there is it's party adjacent But can you sit like they're home alone and he's watching them Can you give me right take take what you think this movie is what you just said and make it like three times more ridiculous and tell me what you think it is now their uncle Bernie has been in the recipient of a Nobel Peace Prize and He was gonna give it to them, but he died so they got a they put him in a trench coat They put him on a shopping cart roll them into the thing and to accept his prize No, but you're on track with the level of Wildness get rolled he does he does he's on a dolly or something about this how about this? I've no spoilers, but at the end of the movie he is a toilet his corpse is being loaded into an ambulance and the Gertie rolls out of the ambulance nobody notices and into the ocean oh Bernie meets a Me to watery fate well they had to get the squeak well and so as you know cuz I just learned that there was a squeak well today Yeah, with her's a booty So the pierce the plot of this movie I'm sort of gonna hit you with a quick summary the two dudes are not teenagers They are they work at some insurance company and they hate their jobs and they discover that There is some fraud happening in the company So they reported to their dickhead boss Bernie and Bernie is like this is huge. You know their uncle no He's their boss.
It's not Uncle Bernie dude. That's nothing what the fuck am I just combining this with Uncle Buck? Yeah, for sure if you didn't combine with a book you basically just thought it was Uncle Buck I just thought it was Uncle Buck yeah, and John Candy's in it right yeah, so He the boss Bernie Bernie is Terry Kaiser he's the dead that is he's the dead guy in the blue jacket on the cover So these these two guys they discover the fraud happening in the insurance they report to their book They had rich boss Bernie Bernie says this is incredible You boys have done a crack job and I am going to reward you by inviting you to my house in a Hampton's for Labor Day weekend We just party all day so there was a party you're not wrong about that So here's where things get a little bit silly turns out Bernie knows about the fraud obviously so he contacts his mob partner Of course he has called Vito and says we need these I invited these two goons to come over you need to have them killed So he puts a hit on these two guys Oh Bernie puts a hit on them Bernie puts a hit on them mom guy says I tight But mob guy knows that Bernie is sleeping with mob guys wife so Vito's getting too timed by Bernie So instead he has Bernie killed right oh bro. Yeah, so so complicated already they show up at Bernie's dead And then they realized that Bernie was gonna put a hit on them So and also I didn't mention that Bernie has died by forced heroin overdose bro in 1989 Are you kidding?
I thought this was a high school comedy eighties you can get away with anything My goodness if there was a Seth Rogen movie that came out this year where a huge part of the plot is that somebody was forced to overdose on Heroin it's a play they play it for comedy. Yeah, uh, so they they They read they figure out that there's a hit on them and they don't know that he's been killed right? They just think that he's dead so they're they're now pretending to be and he was also gonna frame them for the fraud So now they're pretending that he's alive because they're trying to play it cool so that they can kind of clear their names Then there's a whole other complication where the mob boss comes back It also thinks Bernie's alive a huge part of this boy is like Bernie's corpse is on the couch and everyone's like Bernie You throw the whole wild is party okay? That is what I thought the whole movie was I thought the whole movie was them trying to pretend that Bernie's alive So they could like have a party or stay home alone or I mean kind of but then there is this whole thing and then that there at a certain point They're using Bernie is better a shoe is a better episode idea when it was something even semi-relatable to real life Okay, no no no cuz I have some I have some topics for so I will never be in this situation.
How is this an episode? Let me give you a couple categories. Yeah, okay first of all Bernie is a category. Who do you want?
You're burning that Bernie's a category right okay? Second of Lee I think location is big because you're talking about pretending I guess in the situation me and you are the two guys right okay So are we calling a weekend at Bernie's a situation in which you have to pretend that a corpse is alive is that what we're doing here? Yes, okay, okay great This is not a podcast This is not anything who would listen to such a thing as this oh I'll tell you who's listening back out of nowhere Okay, there it is that's who it's for baby. Okay, so here's here's what I want to build out with you, okay?
Yeah, we need the conflict so you were surprised by the fact that the mob was involved there you have to have I guess okay not conflict Here's the here's it motivation and I think these are our core three right you have your Bernie You have your location and you have to have a reason that you're keeping this person alive right or trying to pretend to be yeah Yeah, so we're like a fucking serial killer and this is your thing so we're very not quite late I think being a serial killer is not a good motivation for this. Yeah, yeah, yeah Agreed and you're just like dancing around the puppet corpse of the people yellow midsamar You where do we put the actual plot of this let's like hit the hit a couple of the actual you're asking me where I think to put the plot This movie very not quite late. This doesn't make a lick of sense to me So wait wait but for motivation to pretend that this person is alive You think that you to keep you away from a mob hit to clear your name with the mob I still don't even get it dude I can't believe how little I knew about such a famous movie Anyways, so okay, but you say you know somehow I've seen this movie like 600 times I don't know why I've seen this movie so many times Do you think that I'm alone and not knowing what the fuck this movie's about you think everyone knows this or is it like me? Everyone has a general idea and they've invented their own kind of version Hey tweet us.
Let's know what you think happens a weekend at these yeah, please let us know your sort of base level knowledge for Weekend at Burmese. It's so crazy that I started this thinking that I do almost nothing and like I know less than I thought far less I mean you had party kind of I still really get why they're making them look alive is there something really wheeling out onto the deck Yeah, yes, they do wheel them out on the day that is a thing that happens hand in like a lounge chair This thing happens in the movie where he's fucking dude You should really watch this flick but this thing happens in the movie a lot where his body is just being like launched like either Into the sand or into the water by what means just like you know wonky comedy movie dude like somebody like I guess by bonus points launching Yeah, that's a fact you gotta have a launch situation and people fall for this dead person yeah whole time the whole time the whole time It's a comedy understand it is a comedy we have to stop you have to stop quit I need you to stop asking questions and start giving me answers. I'll just boy It's such a such a bigger mystery than I ever thought the motivation of clearing your name with the mob I think is at least a two I guess it's so hard to relate to well about mine high school party is that location or motivation? Let me hit you with the fucking the D plus version of weekend at Bernie's yeah, please I'm having a big party.
I'm the I'm the nerd kid in school and I never get to have cool parties Because what you know got a sick fucking pad uncle Bernie right by Dermot Mulroney Okay, it's got such a cool place. Yeah, guess what? Dermil Roni popped a few too many fucking biagras had himself a heart attack He's dead. So what do I do can't can't not have the party.
You're saying we can have all Ronium Okay, so motivation then and what you're saying is to high school party high school party that has to be like a one I think it's good But think about what you're doing you have your uncle and you're like what is more valuable to me respecting uncle's dead body or having a high school party They didn't know that well So I think that like a relative is not a good Bernie yeah I was a one because you don't want to disrespect the corpse of a relative who would be a good Bernie Okay I think that the Bernie in the movie is the best Bernie which is a hated boss who has wronged you right like huh? That's because that you have to remember that you're disrespecting your corpse You must remember that yeah, that's a tiff wondering all the before of mine plot and every joke in the movie is that the corpse must be Yeah, you got a defile the corpse in many ways if this movie was made today They would absolutely be a scene of them like trying to plug his eyelids open to unlock his phone You can't oh man ain't that the truth you can't even I mean we won't get into it Like we can't get into it, but like we can't a Bernie's to has voodoo bro and the body moves at the sound of music. Oh, yeah That's what's up. It's so do bonus bonus point.
Yeah, voodoo gotta be a bonus point That's a fact this is it as it always is there is also obviously because this is an 80s movie. There is also a romance element No, thank you How absolutely inappropriate that feels like a demerit huh? Yeah, I mean not between Bernie obviously this is not like a fucking hope not Somewhat. Yeah, this is not the time.
Yeah, correct. I also think okay I don't know how to put this demeanor I think it's a category what the hell's that mean? I just mean like I mean like romance is great like that's like no bad I think that maybe behavior like these guys like play it pretty cool And I guess that's good But I almost want them to freak out a little bit more to prove to me that they are human beings and not absolute monsters I guess I understand the scenario Okay, I'm gonna get into motivation as to why this could be happening before we discuss how they're supposed to be okay Okay, fair enough fair enough. What do you got?
What's your weekend at Bernie's? Okay, so Motivation because this is the motivation in order to this is why we are doing the puppeteering of the man, right? Yes Oh one it goes with romance got it But a one is to like impress anybody right that kind of goes with high school party But like if you're like oh, I really got to impress someone but I can't they're not gonna be impressive this course this year So get it out What do you mean get it out dump the body? Yeah, you're you're animating a corpse because you want to impress somebody You know is is dr.
Ficher Frankenstein kind of a the pioneer of weekend at Bernie's no no See this is what you're saying down the court. I'm saying that you're only you have to realize that the two Bernie boys Which I assume is what they call themselves they Only do it because it's their last it's the last option right like we can't say well Why not just dump the corpse think that's that's off the fucking table dude? Why is that off the table? Do the bird if you're not you're talking the corpse then we gotta change the episode we get a birdie's a dealing with the corpse It doesn't make any fucking sense to me, but I'll watch it.
You must I can't believe how complicated this is it's less complicated when you're not just hearing me Summarize the Wikipedia page, you know What's going on here what I love about it's like 90 minutes long be bring that shit back a bonus point 90 minute long Let me give it to me. That's fine So I'm saying impress to impress that's a one just you've got to dump the corpse instead of trying to reanimate it to impress You won't you were not going to impress What about to you accidentally kill this person, but you need him for part of your big plan? And they're like oh yeah, I'll just pass the zoom call off to the one only Bernie. Oh my god a zoom call is a nightmare Yeah, bad one.
Oh, I think very pretty good because that's it's gonna be harder to tell yeah, but yeah the location is zoom I think that might be very quite lit bro. Yeah, okay, the whole thing is the only time zoom would ever be very quite Yeah, yeah, if the whole thing is zoom I actually agree with you. That's a great call I have a okay, so you said two things you said zoom which is good You also said a bigger piece a smaller piece of your big plan is are we calling it a two or three? I think at least a two very pretty good.
I have a I have what I think is a three, but I could be wrong What's that movie with what's that movie with? Agent Smith's niece. Oh lord the babysitter. No not the babysitter the cool like horror one.
She was in that wasn't the babysitter Ready or not ready or not a ready or not situation where they're like you must escape here And the woman needs to do so is to pretend that this man is alive like a gun to your head type situation survive the night Oh what? You must escape here, but the only way to do is pretend this man's alive Bro, this isn't we get up Bernie's this is nothing. That's like a fucking plumb house movie Saying dude that one of the What are you talking about I'm saying that The only way this is acceptable is if you are it is a life or death situation That's what I'm trying to say is that has to be a life or death like you will die if you Okay, yeah, I guess oh man sure they do it in on the Hamptons, which I think is a two for location. Yeah, okay, whatever No, you know fuck about the Hamptons well I think the Hamptons is tough because it's it's there's a it's an island.
I think you know what they want to be in in Bernie's domain or in your domain I don't want to be a Bernie's house. I want to be that's kind of Bernie's house sucks cuz I know it's there Yeah, but but here's the other thing. What's out of place. I wouldn't know depending on the situation What if I fold the bed the wrong way everyone's like oh everyone knows Bernie fold the bed into a trunks or sure sure sure But but the problem is is that you're gonna have ding dang evidence all over your house if it's at your place You got Bernie's dead skin all over your freakin couch.
Yes, pretty true But that's fine cuz the whole point is that you supposed to be alive. See like yeah, he was here Here's a photo of us or are you saying Bernie's place a one or two? It's a one a stranger. I think is a two Yeah, I mean it's I think it is might actually be very quite lit because it's gonna allow you to disconnect and not have to worry too much Just get the creative juices flowing immediately on this stranger.
You don't have to worry about defiling to buy that bad right? Oh my god. I just have a fucking topic. I can't believe it was the first topic on here Okay, the performance brother.
You must Of course, of course. What are we thinking it that live in world of stage you have to do shit. Yeah, let's run through Let's run through and puppeteer style marionette. Oh, no, it's a one.
Okay. Yeah, cuz at best They think he's alive, but he's haunted. Oh my god, and like I'm just like the crawls across the ceiling. Oh I think that's a worst case scenario for so many reasons Oh, what do they do in the movie?
Well, they do some they a lot of because it's in the Hamptons And this is a plus for the Hamptons a lot of leisure activities, right? So like oh Bernie's tanning on the beach It's tanning is great. Yeah, yeah fell asleep. They take him out of the house They that's when they wheel him out to the deck dude to tan sick I think tanning is a three.
It's like you know like okay, hold on bro Do they like get this body fucking embalmed or what? Oh, brov So it just like does it not smell and rot? Okay, right? So this is part of the movie that is sort of untouched.
I mean it is only like a 80s plow. Yeah, it is only like a day and the Part of the plot I think is that because I think it's because he died of air when he has a big grin on his face Oh, Lord hell of high which is also not I believe how it works. Yeah, I'm not so I don't think you died with the same face No stuck there. I don't want to take it out of the house Yeah in the in the house does think if you want to expose it to the elements, that's not great Okay What if you get like you get little like taser like wristbands little shocking things and you wrap them around certain parts of the body And when you want to make a move you would give a little zap and as I goes up in the air and comes down What you're talking about right now is what the third movie that we've both seen which is saving Silverman when he's got the buzzers on his nippies Mm-hmm.
It's that it's like a freak. I like it. I like it. Are we afraid that that's going to damage the body?
No, you gotta get in a bomb bro. That's so I don't know where that goes, but it must be embalmed I cannot mean we can end up earning with a fucking rotting corpse. It doesn't embalms doesn't embalming it's stiffened it up Jeez, this is a dark one home should I say this one for Halloween? Yeah, I mean yeah, it's definitely not fine.
No, it has to move absolutely not fine I think the idea is to not have it looking at anyone Oh, it's a huge part of the performances the move to him the huge part is the movement Yeah, people are talking to this dude the whole flick anyway He just doesn't talk back and they just walk away Hey, hey, and then like he'll one of the dudes will like grab his jacket like by the by the wrist and make him wave You know like performance making him wave I think it's a three because it's like so easy No, it's weird if someone if someone waved at me and say word to me when I was in their own home I'd be like that's so weird. Oh no, that's like that's like a you know like somebody walked into this party with like 30 people I mean, I don't disagree with you, but it's it's not like one person walk It's like there's four people in the room and he just waves at him. I see I was a big oh so Location I think party is very quite lit like you want a noisy distracting atmosphere that you're not gonna draw attention to your Bernie Yeah, so that's what that's it right. That's a big that's like the kind of first moment once I decided to puppet this dead man it's They're hanging out on the couch with him and they've each got like one of his arms around their shoulder and They're just like naked and nod and wave it people as they like walk by is a nightmare dude Sounds insane you gotta get it you gotta get in there the worst part is I don't think it's streaming anywhere So nobody can even listen to this and be like oh, I got a taste for we can't sit Bernie's now I don't think we've given anyone a taste for that.
Okay, so I have to put embalming as a two I think that you can't stiffen them up. It's gonna be really hard to sell Yeah, you're right. I didn't know that so much of this was the puppeteering So how so how was the best way to puppeteer? That he's gonna be wearing a long sleeve like an actual puppet you got like sticks on no No, no, just like you're you got somebody on his shoulder kind of waving him around and whatnot and they have sunglasses on him the whole time Obvious you must have some glasses are mandatory.
Yeah, you can't oh my god. You cannot have anything else I think honestly the more you can cover up his fate like I feel like big jacket, right? These I would assume he wears a big jacket at some point in that movie He doesn't because it's it's like what the Hamptons in the summer But he's wearing like a sort of like a members only like one that you a beach jacket like a jacket You might wear on like a boat or something like that I feel like you want to get as many clothes on him as you can okay Just distract from any sort of life like form a lot of legs or seven jackets on him layers not bad layers not bad There's not bad. What about the old tape recorder trick?
Okay? I think that's part of the performance hey Bernie How's it going and they quickly press play yeah doing well Bob the problem is that would you say that 100 times out of 100 when that gets used in a Movie it it fucks up it fucks up right so it's I think it's a two So like how's your day and then it'll be like you're big fat wife or something yeah classic classic stuff The other good thing about party is that you get the impression of in the movie that he's kind of a party dude Like he goes to hamptons every weekend and just hosting parties So you could easily play it off if me and you were this guy are these guys right? It's easily played off like oh Bernie started early he's already passed out you know That's a very quite lit Bernie is someone who regularly gets oh Mobally fucked up. Oh someone who you're not gonna be think twice if you're like he's on the couch not saying anything there He is right right like oh geez and then you could even be like all right This is getting embarrassing.
Let's carry Bernie to bed and then like you're not quite lit chatterbox About somebody who's sober sober a tough one anyone like narcoleptic is probably a pretty very quite lit very quite Lit very quite lit very quite lit. Oh, yeah, cuz I guess like you would expect them to just not it off into one of his spells again Could be out at all night who knows I got one for performance We and you have to do everyone everyone if this hasn't been clear you have to it first of all we're talking about goofs All right, we're disrespecting of course, but they were talking about goofs But if we're going with the party animal and we're at the busy party which we're talking about this is like kind of a thing here right? Mm-hmm part of the performance. What have you given the old?
Oh, what if we cover Bernie and shaving cream or whatever? What do you like do a like a party what you're the one engineering a prank on his corpse because it's like oh he's so It's it's crossing another line. Okay. I think just like disrespecting the corpse for the sake of disrespecting You can't draw a dick on the corpses for it.
No, bruv human being at one point Alright, alright fair enough can't break the corpse. Yeah, Bernie loves Jesse's butt or whatever you can't write that I just think it's really selling out on the like geez. He's really gone, right? What if we like you know, but I get you know what you can do you pop up like is accessories a category?
It feels like it always is but what are you gonna say? I was gonna say like pop like a whole pizza box on his lap really build this whole oh, he's so fucked up narrative. Okay, all right, all right I just I feel like that's kind of performance right to have accessories is the performance part of the performance That's fine. Accessory put accessories in very quickly because that's like sunglasses is an accessory as well Yeah, it's so mandatory though.
Okay. All right. So now we're now working with steam a little bit We've got this guy right where we want him. I guess You have to have a second person right like this movie It's two dudes you have to you can't know you come the creepiest motherfuck a lot You're just like a weird serial killer taxidermist motherfuck who's out here just like making human dolls.
Yeah, you can't you? Yeah What if the motivation is monetary? What amount of money like let's say you found yourself in a situation and you realize and the situation is not pretend This guy's dead and you'll get this money, right? It's not like a it's not like a fucking like willy Wonka or Brewster's millions or some shit You realize that in no uncertain terms you must pretend that this person is alive for at least one day and you have to sell it and you Will get X amount of money.
What is the money? What is the amount at which you consider it? How many interactions of people do I have to you? How hard is this gonna be?
I mean we're laying it out here I we could say that like we'll even say it's an ideal situation, right? It's somebody that you didn't like it Yeah, it's party. It's gonna be not even that challenging per what we've said but obviously still incredibly What's that steak prison is that what I've that's the those is the stakes of this challenge the incentive? No, no, no the incentive is you either get money or you don't there are no other consequences I do for ten bucks ten bucks.
This guy's gonna run around with consequences. Okay, fine consequence You have just about any amount of money that's offered to me. I mean, okay Let's think realistically somewhat that you're the consequences is Many people in your life know that you defiled a corpse for money if you fail sure that's yeah, that's no good is it right? Okay, okay, okay, so high risk high risk.
What's the reward that where you start to get tempted? Yeah? I'm not I do it for six months wages, wouldn't I? Okay six months wages.
I need I need a I need a fucking banger vacation after this I think you're that's I'm usually the one that goes low on these like how much money would it take? I think that even six months wages is not I need like two years salary at least two years, bro I'm I need to be looking at at least a hundred and fifty grand. I think it's it's considerate. Yeah, okay But do you think it's wages, okay?
So money then I think is a two for motivation would you say? Yeah, I mean hey listeners if you're looking for like a fun game to play with your family your next family gathering ask Him how much money it would take for them to weekend at Bernie's a corpse Yeah, sort of see where they see where your family live or name it specifically be like hey mom How much money would it take to we can get Bernie's uncle Joe? Oh sure? Yeah, and then you look right at uncle Joe Yeah, you fucking do the finger cross your throat.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, cuz you know uncle Joe's knows what he did Is there category for us in this? Okay, like a location maybe not so much that but location what about like Tony Stark's house There's tech you can make things like the floors move.
Maybe you know you pop them on sure So moving shit you put them in a little Ironman costume. Yeah, I'll put stark compound as a three that feels Pretty ideal a party at the stark compound feels right party at the start compound is the name of my next album I don't know if it's gonna go in this category No, I was Tony Stark. I was going with that I see I see what else can we get for performance because part of me thinks right that part of it is you have to maintain the norm You can't just say like where do we put oh Bernie sick right now? That's like a one or two right cuz it's such a it's such a red flag then might as well just prop up some pillows under your bed And do the fairs be right right right about well.
I have a very not quite little location dinner. Oh my god Yeah dinner is going to be tough to pull this one off gang Yeah, and that's are you talking about like dinner in public because I thought no no well that definitely But I'm talking about even dinner at Bernie's. Oh, yeah, it that's no good Like you're sitting around the table. He's and you gotta just put food to smell you brother What about I got a I got one that I think is a three A tennis match because then you just have to like grab him by the nape of his neck and turn his head to follow the ball You know everyone just turning their head left turning it right turning it left turning it right.
Oh, he's a spectator He's a spectator god. I thought you about like competing at a time. No fucking way. Yeah.
Yeah performance competing in a sport is a one competition Anything that's gonna draw attention to you is bad, right? But I think a tennis tennis spectator You can sell spectator is good I mean yeah, like movie theater is a very quite location perhaps even better if it was a business with being so special movie theater beds Yeah, true true that the only thing something about both of these is that you do have to get him into these places, right? Like the yeah, and roller blades are the means of that right? But like if you got to take them out And this is where being a bomb comes in handy whoa roller blades puff them on skates and you just wheel them Wow, I think it's just like you tie a string around your waist and then to him and you walk and he just wheels behind you He's on he's fucking stiff as a board.
Okay, stand up. Okay. That's actually I'm gonna give it a two because it will be so obvious That he's not roller skating, but it's not it'll be better than one. Oh, I got it You you strip his you fucking duct tape his feet to a skateboard put him in the Marty McFly crouch position And you have him just like fucking what's that called?
Skitching What is that? And here is hands to a bumper? Yeah, bro, you know what's like Marty McFly before you said that I was like is there a way I can Drop his feet to something like a snowboard or something and I was like no that's so stupid and I solved it Skitching is obviously a two So good, it's good. I guess but people are gonna see us it is an attention grabbery.
Yeah in like what's his neck up? Oh, I got a good one for it back of the limo. Oh Yeah, dude being driven around that's where you want to be you could be like in the shadows anyways Oh, bro a seat on the evil council, you know, you know, I'm talking about Like a classic evil council scenario where someone's looking up and there's a bunch of silhouettes of people speaking down to someone Yeah, keep falling. Okay, see all the evil council.
I think it's a two. Oh, I don't agree I get his voice even yeah, but how do you get him to this? You know, we have to always think about like as he roller skating to his seat at the evil council now He people at the evil council where they live there. Oh, okay interesting I think a good Bernie would be like an FBI agent someone who has to kind of sit in their car for long periods of time Mmm, you could be like, oh, he's just yeah, that's Bernie over there.
He's our steak out. Don't bother Yeah guy guy who does steak out. I guess FBI agents detectives. I don't see him right there.
He's he's fine He's just on a steak art right now. I'm staring directly forward Those people who like buskers that are like human statues. Oh fucking excellent one You know, bro human statues painted silver and sometimes like their eyes are closed for a long time and then they open up Everyone will be in an eternal state of the eyes closed. Yeah, I never know.
Yeah, I think that's a great one I think like doing what we put like doing his voice like producing sound for him I think it's such a one dude. You can't there's no way, but can you avoid it? It seems unavoidable. They they avoid it in the movie They never do it in the movie.
It's just a lot of waving and nodding They never do like a tape recorder situation. No never which is wild. You think in 80s movie They would try I mean, maybe I guess it's been a while since I've seen it, but I don't think they do for performance What about a trip in my side car my little motorcycle? What do you mean?
He'd we pop him in the side car and we're just riding around And what reason that's a trick people are thinking he's alive. Yeah, it's performance. We're taking around town Hey, look at Bernie and Jesse cruising around an old side car throw it I mean, he's doing what in the side car like sloped over the front. Oh my god like it's much never than fucking sketching No, I think that's gonna cause pictures to get taken.
Yeah, that's exactly what I want people posting on Insta Bernie in the side car Same pose all over town in the same way people. Oh, what about fish it guys fishing put up stick him at the edge of the dock Oh, love it. I love it except okay, except for that's like a high that feels like high High-jinks variants territory. You look like a huge fish is gonna pull a bit Yeah, dude or someone's gonna come and slap on the back be like catch anything I'm just gonna launch him right off the dock.
No, but then it would be like oh, sorry I don't mean interrupt. I know this is your your private time He'd just be sitting there silently like okay. Well, you have a good weekend Bernie I feel like another Mandatory part of this is like the dumb neighbor who just goes with it. You know what I mean?
Yeah. Yeah. Oh, someone needs stupid people surrounding you Yeah, we're gonna put I guess bonus point idiots right like it has idiots are gonna help you out like a bunch of ignorami Just flowing in hey Bernie. Oh, bro.
What about that? Remember that um that viral social media craze where everyone was a statue Dude he's doing what is that called the something challenge? Was it just the freeze mannequin challenge? Is that what?
Oh mannequin challenge? That's what it was okay that one is a two to me because but you pop them on social media You're like we're all here doing the mannequin shit and then you're like hey everyone yeah We're doing the mannequin challenge. No one knows Bernie's gonna be the best one Yeah, but then you but then you do that for like 45 seconds and then everyone there's like oh my god That was so cool that was so fun and burning refuses to move. I just think that you are talking to each other No, you're like no Bernie actually told me earlier that after the mannequin challenge He's gonna see how fucking long you can go and like we can go back to doing our own thing is fine But he said he could go all night.
Okay. Here's what I will say planking Can we just put challenges at two because I actually think anything where you can tell everyone no Bernie's Bernie's gonna set he's gonna hang upside down from his balcony for as long as he can and Incomplete silence. Yeah that or you go. Hey guys a little bonus.
Good tonight if you want Bernie's in his room He said he's going to beat everyone in the entire house of staring contest You can go in one by one so you could beat him and when you do lose he's so committed He's not even a break-eye contest. He's gonna keep going. Yeah, you have to go send in the next person He needs his special focus time. Yeah, so I think that's I think challenges in general is it too I think that you could that's a good that'll do I think something that would happen in slapstick movies and might even happen in this We don't remember that is a one for performance is a high five dude.
That sucks. There's too much going on to high five There's it's in the wrist. It's in the elbow. It's in the shoulder.
You can't pull off a high five No way and and you're somebody's gonna have to be orchestrating that someone is like directing that that's that's no That's a no-fly zone for me. Okay. I got it. So good Bernie.
I think is Andy circus go on because you come out and you go Hey Bernie, he's in the other room. He's actually he's doing motion capture right now, and then you get someone else To just do the shit you like we could watch it on the screen look Right now, it's just someone else doing it, but it's like oh, yeah, of course Andy circus would be doing some shit like that right now Okay, I think Andy circus as a whole is it too because it's a celebrity you don't want to celebrate No, cuz that's like they're gonna have a lot of people trying to talk to them They're like agent or they're manager imagine a scary Andy circus would be if he was sitting silently not moving Oh my god, I mean Andy circus is a perfect one because everyone be like he must be up to some wonky shit right now You must be getting a character and some shit. Yeah, but I do think mocap deceit because it's not really a performance It's a little bit of a deception which I guess what I just described I think that it's pretty good the problem is that it's that only goes for so long You can't be like our seven of Bernie's motion capture. Meritha.
If he's Andy circus, yeah, maybe Any amount oh what about this is kind of a this is kind of a not what we're doing here, but Remember how like a Coachella they started doing holograms of people what hologram? Oh hologram I mean, that's a very quite lit. I think her performance Well, it's not it's not because it has to be are we talking like an absolute perfect hologram? Oh, yeah, I guess the whole point with the hologram was that they already knew Tupac is dead Right, I'm so sorry to say such a controversial thing I know I'm gonna say you don't know anything boy.
You better shut your lips I think of hologram as a two because it's only gonna work from a distance somebody gets up and tries to pat him on the shoulder That's gonna scare everyone. What about a Buddhist monk? Yeah, that would be a three I think for well kind of a two to me because that is something in the corner. They're like Okay, can I tell you why it's a two I for some reason?
I mean, I'm not Buddhist nor am I a monk? I know that's gonna be a lot of big surprise to a lot of folks listening about I would feel bad about manipulating the body of a Buddhist monk. Yeah, that's gotta be 10,000 types of bad karma You're going straight to straight to the hell place. Oh, bro.
I got it. I got a good us go on Oh, Ratatouille. Okay, someone with the power to sit on your head tug on your hair and control all of your limbs Okay, I think that is maybe performance. Yeah, I think Ratatouille is a very quite little performance It's absolutely has to be right?
It was unbelievably effective. I think a one for a Bernie is someone everyone really somebody who's super well-liked Yeah, I mean just in general you never want someone's really well like to die Well, yeah, but I think the interesting thing about Bernie is that he's very popular because he throws all these parties But he doesn't seem particularly well-liked. I mean he does have someone fucking kill him a Classic case of someone doesn't like you. Yeah, yeah, that's how you know I mean look I've been on this earth for a long time And I'll tell you a tell tell sign that somebody does not like you as if they have you killed professionally I don't have any any idea what to say.
No, I mean look I'll tell you what this one started a little rocky I think I think we can all agree but number one we got there all right This is a more flesh-down rubric than we've had in the past brother thing So that's number one number two. I'm proud of you wilder. You really I thought you were gonna quit on this one and you know I'm gonna carry the load there at the end so I really respect you for that You know I'm passionate about my craft. Yeah, I could tell what craft is this this thing we're doing now It's not a crap you wouldn't call it an art or a fart or a craft.
It's a fart. Yeah, it's in the categories of arts and crafts It's a definitively a part cool. Yeah. Well, thank you to Adam Fay for the art.
Thank you to bad Todd for the music Thank you to you the listener for listening. Thank you for leaving all your five-star reviews They're pouring in we love even more of them. I savor every single one like the delicious more so it is Thank you for going to the merch shop. We're millionaires now.
So that's all that's true. Yep We got any other than Bulgaria. We got any big dirty shout outs Yeah, you know we got Philly from the top Mm-hmm chili and Philly love all of you over there. Shout out to the most diverse city in America Houston, Texas Oh each town coming through don't mind if I do yeah, we got some downloads in the very small town that my mom lives in England I can't imagine who that would be We got India Bulgaria Germany on the map welcome to the show Damn dude Bulgaria already know they got that good good.
They're spreading it spread the word internationally Oh, yeah, it's that's the epicenter is Bulgaria and they're now are we got soldiers on the ground over there? Oh, bro I'm the good word very quite lit someone who gets free food at a restaurant and you get you got a wheel of Man is I I'm just here to pick up my special and they say oh Bernie for you no charge grab all your food to go Pop him out on those skates. He's getches home. No problem Catch y'all freaks later.
Yeah hit him with an outro, baby if you ain't got the munch don't give me that crunch