"we're on a roller coaster, i'm nauseous but i don't wanna get off" by aleida m

we're crying in a costco parking lot fiending for that intimacy we once felt because every so often we lose it and then i get depressed when i think you deserve much better sometimes i think i deserve better too most of the time it feels like i am already holding all the good that's out there large and fragile in my arms i hold on for dear life 
 the woman parked across from us is staring i wonder if she's ever felt like a failure 
 on my knees on the stairs that lead up to your father's bedroom we've unearthed that intimacy and it takes us away as usual so easily in the dark of the oakland warehouse the delight of the freedom to touch taste tie no time to worry about whether my roommates will hear us laughing when the cheap ikea bed gives up and we keep fucking on the debris sometimes i'm so ashamed at the pleasure of the way you fill me in these moments 
 on the stairs in my mouth in my hands i wonder if we could really feel things all that differently 
 the car seats are reclined as far as they can go we're here again face to face with each other trying hard not to look away because we're not ready to be face to face with the end honey let's take the sobbing upstairs and it becomes a perfectly choreographed waltz with your head gently falling onto my heavy chest while hands wrap hands when we make contact the weight is lifted and you fall asleep as quick as always i hate that i can't help but stare your at-peace tender face moving in perfect synchronicity with the rhythm of my unsteady breath as it ruffles your hair 
 i fall asleep with lips and tears in your hair i wonder if anything lasts for ever --------------------------------------- SUPPORT US ON PATREON: http://patreon.com/voicemailpoems http://voicemailpoems.org/guidelines http://facebook.com/voicemailpoems http://twitter.com/voicemailpoems http://voicemailpoems.org/thepodcast