What Dating Securely Has Taught Me episode artwork

EPISODE · May 13, 2025 · 15 MIN

What Dating Securely Has Taught Me

from LET’S TALK ATTACHMENTS · host Jessica Da Silva, LMFT

In this personal episode, I take you behind the scenes of a recent dating experience that stirred up both growth and grief — and revealed just how far I’ve come on my attachment healing journey.As someone who used to operate from a fearful avoidant (leaning anxious) attachment style, I now move through dating with much more self-trust, clarity, and compassion. But that doesn’t mean the old patterns don’t still surface — especially when connection, chemistry, and unmet needs collide.I’ll walk you through how I navigated this dynamic from a secure place, the conversations I had, and ultimately, how I honored myself enough to walk away when alignment wasn’t there — even when it felt good in the moment.If you’ve ever struggled to balance attraction with long-term compatibility, or felt pulled between your heart and your values, this episode is for you.Takeaways include:The difference between chemistry and compatibilityHow to identify your unmet needs in real timeWhy even "kind and available" people might not be the right fitWhat it looks like to actually date from your secure selfHow to exit with integrity when your paths don’t align🎧 Plus: Only 2 more days to join the My Secure Self Membership for just $1 your first month! Get access to group coaching, monthly workshops, and tools to help you build secure, aligned relationships HERE.Looking for 1:1 support, learn more about attachment coaching here.

In this personal episode, I take you behind the scenes of a recent dating experience that stirred up both growth and grief — and revealed just how far I’ve come on my attachment healing journey.As someone who used to operate from a fearful avoidant (leaning anxious) attachment style, I now move through dating with much more self-trust, clarity, and compassion. But that doesn’t mean the old patterns don’t still surface — especially when connection, chemistry, and unmet needs collide.I’ll walk you through how I navigated this dynamic from a secure place, the conversations I had, and ultimately, how I honored myself enough to walk away when alignment wasn’t there — even when it felt good in the moment.If you’ve ever struggled to balance attraction with long-term compatibility, or felt pulled between your heart and your values, this episode is for you.Takeaways include:The difference between chemistry and compatibilityHow to identify your unmet needs in real timeWhy even "kind and available" people might not be the right fitWhat it looks like to actually date from your secure selfHow to exit with integrity when your paths don’t align🎧 Plus: Only 2 more days to join the My Secure Self Membership for just $1 your first month! Get access to group coaching, monthly workshops, and tools to help you build secure, aligned relationships HERE.Looking for 1:1 support, learn more about attachment coaching here.

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How long is this episode of LET’S TALK ATTACHMENTS?

This episode is 15 minutes long.

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This episode was published on May 13, 2025.

What is this episode about?

In this personal episode, I take you behind the scenes of a recent dating experience that stirred up both growth and grief — and revealed just how far I’ve come on my attachment healing journey.As someone who used to operate from a fearful avoidant...

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