PODCAST · education
LET’S TALK ATTACHMENTS
by Jessica Da Silva, LMFT
I’m Jessica Da Silva—a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Attachment Coach, and author—here to help you transform the way you experience love through practical, relatable insight. Along with breaking down attachment styles in an easy-to-understand way, I share my own personal journey of moving toward secure attachment, real client stories, conversations with guest experts, and tools you can use to heal and create healthier relationships.Coaching: https://jessicadasilvacoaching.com/Instagram: @thejessicadasilvaTiktok: @jessicadasilvacoachingEmail: [email protected]
Episodes
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Emotional Awareness Versus Emotional Maturity
You know your attachment style and understand your triggers, but still fall into the same patterns. In this episode, I share personal experiences and relatable examples to explore emotional awareness versus emotional maturity, and how to move from explaining your reactions to pausing,...
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Your Needs Are Valid...And So Are Their Limits
Are you asking for too much or asking someone who can’t give you what you need? In this episode, we explore the difference between valid needs and unrealistic expectations, how to ask without pressuring, and when to accept someone’s limits or walk away. Your needs matter. So does their capacity....
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What Each Attachment Style Sacrifices to Stay in a Relationship
What does your attachment style cause you to sacrifice in order to keep a relationship? In this episode, I explore how anxious, avoidant, and fearful-avoidant attachment can influence what we tolerate, give up, or mistake for “healing” in relationships, and how to tell the difference between...
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Dating Securely After Loving an Avoidant
Dating after loving an avoidant can change the way you experience connection, chemistry, and even security. In this episode, I’m sharing what I’ve learned personally and professionally about dating more securely—without letting old attachment patterns choose for you. Ready to go deeper with your...
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Dating Securely After Loving an Anxious Attacher
In this episode, I’m talking about what it looks like to date securely after loving someone with anxious attachment. We’ll explore how an anxious relationship can shape the way you experience closeness, independence, reassurance, and even another person’s disappointment—and how those experiences...
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Secure Attachment Taught Me Discernment
In this episode, I’m talking about one of the biggest lessons secure attachment has taught me: discernment. I share how my past relationship patterns shaped the way I chose love, how I’ve learned to separate attachment wounds from genuine incompatibility, and why becoming more secure sometimes...
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Temperament vs. Attachment: Are You Really Anxious or Avoidant?
In this episode, we’re exploring the difference between temperament and attachment and how qualities like independence, sensitivity, introversion, emotional intensity, or a need for connection can interact with our attachment wounds. We’ll also talk about what happens when two people’s…
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The Avoidant's Biggest Lie: "I'm Trapped"
Why does healthy love sometimes feel suffocating? In this episode, we're exploring one of the biggest misconceptions behind avoidant attachment: the belief that feeling trapped automatically means something is wrong with the relationship. Together, we'll unpack how childhood experiences…
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The Ugly Truth About Healing Attachment Wounds
You finally meet someone who's consistent, emotionally available, and genuinely cares about you... so why does your nervous system want to run? In this episode, I break down why healing attachment wounds often feels more uncomfortable before it feels secure. We'll explore what's happening in your...
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What God Taught Me About Secure Attachment
In this episode, I share what God taught me about secure attachment, why people will inevitably let us down, and how finding security in something greater than ourselves can transform the way we experience love and relationships.💛 Just getting started? Check out the Secure Self Toolkit for...
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Lessons From Dating an Avoidant and an Anxious Partner
In this episode, I share the lessons I've learned from dating both avoidant and anxious partners, how each relationship highlighted different areas for growth, and why the goal isn't hyper-independence or over-dependence—but healthy interdependence.If you enjoyed this episode and are ready to…
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Why Anxious + Avoidant Relationships Can Work
Are anxious and avoidant relationships really doomed, or have we oversimplified the conversation? In this episode, Jessica explores why attachment styles alone don't determine relationship success, the difference between unhealthy and challenging relationships, and how self-awareness,...
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The Paradox of Avoidant Healing: Learning to Lean Into Intimacy Despite the Fear
In this episode, we explore the paradox of avoidant healing and why intimacy can feel both deeply comforting and deeply threatening at the same time. We talk about: why avoidant attachers often push away the very connection they desire the fear of dependency, vulnerability, and loss how...
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Building Connection From Stability, Not Emotional Need
Why do we crave connection so deeply… yet feel so unstable in relationships? In this episode, I dive into the difference between seeking love from emotional need versus a grounded, secure place within yourself. I share my personal journey—from feeling anxious, reactive, and lost in relationships…
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The Avoidant Experience: Love, Numbness & Inner Conflict With Bilnita Armstead
In this episode, I sit down with Bilnita Armstead, a listener of the podcast, who shares her experience navigating a dismissive/fearful avoidant attachment style. We talk about how early relationship patterns, often learned from our parents, shaped her view of love and connection, and how getting...
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The Attachment Rollercoaster: How to Feel Without Losing Control
In this episode, we explore why love can feel like an emotional rollercoaster—full of intense highs and painful lows. You’ll learn how different attachment styles shape your reactions in relationships and, more importantly, how to stay grounded, self-regulate, and feel deeply without losing...
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Feeling Like You’re the Problem in an Anxious–Avoidant Relationship
In this episode, we unpack why anxious attachers often feel like they’re “too much” in relationships — especially when paired with avoidants. I break down how this dynamic creates a distorted sense of responsibility, why you’re not actually the problem, and how unmet needs drive anxious…
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Anxious & Avoidant: The Intellectual Intimacy Trap
In this episode, we explore the intellectual intimacy illusion — the trap many anxious and avoidant pairings fall into when deep conversations and shared ideas feel like emotional connection, but something essential is still missing. I unpack the difference between feeling mentally understood...
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From Insight to Real Change in Attachment Patterns
A grounded conversation about why insight alone doesn’t change attachment patterns, and how real healing happens through consistent, embodied action. Learn about 1-1 Attachment Coaching with Jessica here.
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Secure Dating vs. Survival Dating
Modern dating is exhausting because most people are dating from nervous-system survival mode instead of from their Secure Self. In this episode, I break down the difference between survival dating and secure dating, why swipe culture keeps anxious and avoidant patterns alive, and what it actually...
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How Your Attachment Style Was Formed
In this episode, we explore how your attachment style was formed and why you experience love the way you do. You’ll learn what emotional attunement is, how early connection shaped your nervous system, and why your patterns in relationships aren’t who you are—they’re adaptations. Learn about 1-1...
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It Wasn’t The Avoidant: Healing The Parts That Made You Lose Yourself with Alix B. (Client Stories)
In this episode, I sit down with a former coaching client to unpack the all-too-common experience of losing yourself in a relationship, especially when you have an anxious attachment style. We talk about what happens when you prioritize your partner over your own needs, slowly sideline your...
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Six Habits of Securely Attached People (And How You Can Learn Them)
Secure attachment isn’t something you’re born with, it’s something you can learn. Today, we’re walking through six habits that define secure individuals and how you can begin embodying them, no matter your starting point. If you’re craving healthier love, deeper self-trust, and emotional…
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When Abandonment Is Emotional, Not Physical
Abandonment isn’t always about someone leaving. Sometimes, it’s about being unseen, unheard, or emotionally dismissed by the people closest to us. In this episode, I explore what emotional abandonment looks like, how it shapes our attachment style, and what we can do to begin healing from it. If...
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Healing Your Attachment Through God with Gretchen Costanzo
In this heartfelt episode, I sit down with Gretchen Costanzo, a certified integrative attachment coach and creator of the Living Connected Method, to talk about what it means to create a secure relationship with God — and how transformational that can be for your healing and relationships. We...
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Passive vs. Rigid Anxious Attacher: Two Faces of Anxious Attachment
Not all anxious attachers look the same. In this episode, I explore the Passive Anxious Attacher, who protects against loss by shrinking back, and the Rigid Anxious Attacher, who holds on tightly to feel secure. You’ll learn how to tell the difference, why both stem from the same fear of...
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Passive vs. Rigid Avoidant Attacher: Two Faces of Avoidant Attachment
Not all avoidants look the same. In this episode, I break down the two common ways avoidant attachment shows up in relationships: the Passive Avoidant, who protects themselves by shrinking back, and the Rigid Avoidant, who protects themselves through control and high standards. You’ll learn how…
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What Does Relationship Compatibility Really Mean?
In this episode of Let’s Talk Attachments, we dive into what compatibility in relationships really means—and why it matters so much more than chemistry alone. I’ll break down how to recognize true alignment in core values, lifestyle choices, emotional needs, and long-term goals, and share…
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Going Deep Too Soon vs. Secure Pacing in Dating
Diving deep too quickly in dating can feel exciting, but it often creates premature emotional bonds that blur your judgment of compatibility. In this episode, I explore why anxious and fearful avoidant attachers are especially prone to oversharing, rushing intimacy, and confusing emotional...
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How I Molded Myself to Be a Magnet for Avoidant Partners
In this episode, I open up about how I subconsciously molded myself to attract avoidant partners and how that pattern was rooted in my earliest experiences of love. I share how I learned to appear “cool,” independent, and unattached in order to feel wanted, and why that left me feeling…
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Thriving at Work Struggling in Love With Carly Ann
Why is it that ambitious, successful women can thrive in their careers but feel lost in love? In this episode, Attachment Therapist and Coach Carly Ann joins me to explore the emotional disconnect that many high-achieving women experience in relationships. We dive into: How codependency is...
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Growing Pains of Becoming Securely Attached
This week on the podcast, we’re talking about the growing pains of becoming securely attached. It’s not just sunshine and inner peace—real healing requires honesty, self-responsibility, and often, some very uncomfortable shifts. Whether it’s walking away from misaligned connections, holding…
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How Avoidant Attachment Can Lead to Selfish Tendencies
We often talk about the emotional distance of avoidant attachers—but what if that “selfishness” is actually a protective coping mechanism? In this episode, I unpack how avoidant attachment can stem from emotional neglect and how hyper-independence becomes a substitute for unmet emotional needs. I...
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How Anxious Attachment Can Lead to Selfish Tendencies
What if some of your anxious attachment behaviors are actually rooted in…selfishness? Not because you don’t care—but because fear can make everything feel urgent and all about you. In this episode, I share my own hard truths, the rigid expectations I used to set, and how healing started when I...
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How Avoidance Sabotaged My Dating Life and What I Did About It With Lexi Stout (Client Stories)
Today on the podcast, we’re joined by Lexi Stout—a former coaching client who opens up about her journey of recognizing how her avoidant attachment style was impacting her dating life, and what she’s been doing to break old patterns and move toward healthy relationships. We dive into: How her...
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What If Your Attachment Style Isn’t What You Thought?
Ever taken an attachment quiz and thought, “Yup, I’m anxious”… only to find yourself totally avoidant once real intimacy kicks in? In this episode, I dive into why your feelings might say one thing, but your behaviors—especially under stress—reveal the real story. I’m sharing insights, patterns…
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The Unspoken Pain of Avoidant Attachment
In this episode, we explore the hidden struggles behind avoidant attachment through a candid conversation with someone who’s lived it. We discuss: 🔹 Why he resisted change in past relationships — believing emotional distance was a strength 🔹 How self-protection became self-disconnection 🔹 The...
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What Dating Securely Has Taught Me
In this personal episode, I take you behind the scenes of a recent dating experience that stirred up both growth and grief — and revealed just how far I’ve come on my attachment healing journey. As someone who used to operate from a fearful avoidant (leaning anxious) attachment style, I now move...
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Letting Go of Unavailable Love: Meghan’s Journey to Security (Client Stories)
Today on the podcast, we’re joined by the lovely Meghan Gatto. Meghan went through the My Secure Self group coaching program this past summer with the goal of deepening her understanding of anxious attachment — and learning practical tools to break unhealthy relationship patterns. In this…
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Healing Anxious Attachment and Learning to Be Okay Alone With Joe Reilly (Client Stories)
Today, I’m excited to introduce Joe Reilly, an incredible human and former coaching client of mine, who has been actively working to break his anxious attachment patterns and step into his secure self. We dive into: The challenges of anxious attachment His pattern of dating avoidant partners and...
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How Your Attachment Style Affects Your Relationship to Money With Shamina Taylor
If you’ve been listening to the podcast for a while, you know I love exploring how attachment styles impact all areas of life—not just relationships with people. Through my own healing work, I’ve noticed that as I became more secure and confident within myself, that same transformation began to...
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Commitment vs. Compatibility: Are You in the Right Relationship?
In this episode, I explore the difference between commitment and compatibility, sharing my personal experience navigating these challenges in a past relationship. I also discuss how to recognize the distinction, helping you better assess whether you’re in the right relationship. Learn about...
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Saying "No" to Emotional Unavailability and "Yes" to Secure Love With Sabrina Zohar
Today on the podcast, I'm joined by dating coach Sabrina Zohar—best known for her transformative podcast, The Sabrina Zohar Show. She brings a no-nonsense, straightforward approach to relationship advice. In this episode, we discuss: Sabrina’s journey from anxious to secure attachment. The…
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Embracing The Messy, Non-Linear Path of Grief With Melina Charis
Today on the podcast we have Melina Charis. She is a writer and mentor for women moving through grief and heartbreak. She has 10+ years experience with ceremonial + somatic healing practices and 6+ years experience holding space for others, but her greatest teachers by far have been motherhood,...
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1-Year Breakup Update: A Personal Reflection
If you've been following my breakup journey, I wanted to share an update on my healing process now that it's been 1 year. My hope is that this gives you insight into the grief cycle, the messiness of healing, and reassurance that things do get better. Work With Me : Attachment Coaching - CLICK...
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Is It Them or Me? Separating My Avoidant Fears With Randy Hamama (Client Stories)
In today’s episode, former client and dismissive avoidant attacher Randy Hamama shares his journey of navigating insecurities in a new relationship. He discusses common avoidant struggles, such as discerning fears from authentic desires, staying present when the urge to withdraw arises…
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How Our Attachment Style Influences Our Relationship to Food and our Body With Vanessa Scaringi and Kathryn Garland
Today on the podcast, Vanessa Scaringi, PhD, CEDS-C, a licensed psychologist and certified eating disorder specialist supervisor, and Kathryn Garland, LCSW-S, CEDS-C, a clinical social worker and certified eating disorder specialist supervisor, discuss: How attachment styles influence our...
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From Heartbreak to Finding Love With Hannah Flynn (Client Stories)
In today's episode, the wonderful Hannah Flynn, a former client of mine, shares her journey of navigating her avoidant attachment style, overcoming deception and heartbreak, and ultimately finding healthy, secure love. We discuss: The challenges of communication with an avoidant attachment style....
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Getting Attached to Things Outside of Our Relationships (Personal Share)
I had a revelation recently with a big life change. I noticed similar insecure ways of thinking and feeling surface that resembled how I used to feel in unhealthy relationship dynamics. The goal with this episode is to help you reflect on how you may be "insecurely attaching" to things outside of...
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Redefining Your Perspective on Needs With Chris Rackliffe
Today on the podcast we have Chris Rackliffe, also known as @crackliffe. He is a trauma healer, mental health advocate, anxious attachment style coach, and author of the new self-help book, Needy No More: The Journey From Anxious to Secure Attachment—available exclusively on Amazon beginning...
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ABOUT THIS SHOW
I’m Jessica Da Silva—a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Attachment Coach, and author—here to help you transform the way you experience love through practical, relatable insight. Along with breaking down attachment styles in an easy-to-understand way, I share my own personal journey of moving toward secure attachment, real client stories, conversations with guest experts, and tools you can use to heal and create healthier relationships.Coaching: https://jessicadasilvacoaching.com/Instagram: @thejessicadasilvaTiktok: @jessicadasilvacoachingEmail: [email protected]
HOSTED BY
Jessica Da Silva, LMFT
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Frequently Asked Questions
How many episodes does LET’S TALK ATTACHMENTS have?
LET’S TALK ATTACHMENTS currently has 148 episodes available on PodParley. New episodes are automatically indexed when they're published to the podcast feed.
What is LET’S TALK ATTACHMENTS about?
I’m Jessica Da Silva—a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Attachment Coach, and author—here to help you transform the way you experience love through practical, relatable insight. Along with breaking down attachment styles in an easy-to-understand way, I share my own personal journey of moving...
How often does LET’S TALK ATTACHMENTS release new episodes?
LET’S TALK ATTACHMENTS publishes regularly with 148 episodes available. Check the episode list for the typical release schedule.
Where can I listen to LET’S TALK ATTACHMENTS?
You can listen to LET’S TALK ATTACHMENTS on PodParley by clicking any episode. We provide an embedded audio player for direct listening, and you can also subscribe via your preferred podcast app using the RSS feed.
Who hosts LET’S TALK ATTACHMENTS?
LET’S TALK ATTACHMENTS is created and hosted by Jessica Da Silva, LMFT.
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