What if stress is just a habit?

The interesting thing about negative thinking is that it can feel like we’re just being honest.We say things like:“I’m just getting it off my chest.”“I’m just saying how I feel.”“I need to vent.”And there is a place for healthy expression. Of course there is.But there is a big difference between expressing something so you can move forward and rehearsing the same problem over and over again until it becomes the weather system you live in.Because every time we replay the same complaint, the same fear, the same hurt, the same anger, the brain and body respond.The brain doesn’t always know the difference between a real threat and an imagined one.So if I keep replaying the argument, rehearsing the fear, complaining about the same problem, or imagining the worst-case scenario, my body can respond as if it is happening now.And suddenly I’m in fight or flight.Stress hormones are released.It can feel like energy.It can feel like fuel.It can feel like drive.But very often, it is fake fuel.It is not freedom.It is the body The 3-Step Solution1. Control Your MouthNumber one: control your mouth.Pause before you vent.This might sound very simple, but it is powerful.Not everything you think needs to be spoken out loud.Because every time we repeat the complaint, we strengthen it.Every time we tell the same story again, we give it more energy.Every time we speak the problem without any intention to move forward, we rehearse the problem.So the first act of power is the pause.Before you say it, ask yourself:“Am I saying this to move forward, or am I repeating it to stay stuck?”That one question can change everything.You are not silencing yourself.You are leading yourself.There is a huge difference.2. Control Your MindDeirdre:Number two: control your mind.Once you pause the mouth, you can catch the thought.And this is where we name it.You might say to yourself:“I notice my mind is complaining.”“I notice I’m rehearsing that conversation again.”“I notice a part of me is looking for what’s wrong.”That little phrase, “I notice,” is powerful.Because the moment you notice the thought, you are no longer completely inside it.You have created distance.And distance gives you choice.Then ask:“What else could be true?”“What is one thing I can do?”“What would the calmest version of me choose next?”Now you’ve moved from reaction into leadership.3. Control Your MoodDeirdre:Number three: control your mood.Because your mood is not just in your head.Your mood is in your body.If your shoulders are tight, your jaw is clenched, your breathing is shallow, your stomach is knotted, your body is already telling you that it feels under threat.So we use the body to calm the body.Here is a simple practice listeners can do.Take a slow breath in.And as you breathe out, softly say the word:Peace.Then feel your feet on the floor.Again.Breathe in.Breathe out.Say:Peace.Feel your feet.And one more time.Breathe in.Breathe out.Peace.Feet on the floor.That simple cycle brings you back into the present moment.Because very often, negative thinking pulls us into the past or throws us into the future.But your breath and your feet bring you back to now.And in the now, you have power.So that is the formula:Control your mouth.Control your mind.Control your mood.Because when you stop feeding the storm, the weather inside begins to change.Summary for ListenersDeirdre:So to summarise it simply:Number one: control your mouth.Pause before you vent.Ask yourself, “Am I saying this to move forward, or am I repeating it to stay stuck?”Number two: control your mind.Catch the thought and name it.Say, “I notice my mind is complaining,” or “I notice I’m rehearsing the problem again.”And number three: control your mood.Take a breath in.Breathe out.Say the word peace.Feel your feet on the floor.Control your mouth.Control your mind.Control your mood.That is how you stop feeding the storm and start changing the weather inside.