What It’s Like to Love an Adoptee: Being Seen, Staying, and Learning Along the Way

SummaryIn this deeply personal and relational episode, Julie sits down with her longtime friend Cathy Rosenquist - someone who has had a front-row seat to some of Julie’s most defining seasons.From loss and reunion to therapy, identity, and divorce… Cathy didn’t just hear about it. She lived alongside it.This conversation offers something rarely spoken about in adoption spaces:What is it like to love an adoptee through it?Through honest reflection, Cathy shares what she saw, what she didn’t understand at first, and what helped most - not from a place of expertise, but from curiosity, humility, and a willingness to stay.Together, they explore how patterns rooted in early disruption can show up in relationships, the impact of feeling like you have to earn acceptance, and what begins to shift when someone chooses to truly see you.This episode is for adoptees and for the people who love them.Because healing doesn’t happen in isolation. It happens in relationship.Keywordsadoption, adoptee healing, relationships, friendship, trauma, identity, belonging, emotional safety, connection, self-trust, attachment, support systemsKey TopicsWhat it’s like to walk alongside an adoptee through grief, reunion, and identity work Patterns of people-pleasing, fear, and the need for acceptance The gap between outward confidence and internal self-trust Why adoptees may struggle to use their voice - even when they seem expressive Moving from “something is wrong with me” to building self-trust Letting go of fixing and learning to simply be present The power of curiosity over assumption in relationships How consistent, intentional connection builds safety and trust TakeawaysYou don’t need to fully understand someone to stay with them Curiosity creates connection - assumption creates distance Many adoptee patterns are rooted in a deep need to feel safe and accepted Being “seen” without being fixed can be profoundly healing Relationships that last are built through intentional presence You don’t have to have the right words - just a willingness to stay Healing often happens when someone defies the expectation that they will leaveChapters00:00 – A friendship built over 14 years03:00 – How Julie and Cathy first met06:00 – What Cathy saw over the years10:30 – Witnessing grief, discovery, and transformation13:30 – Patterns Julie couldn’t see at the time18:00 – The shoes story and learning self-trust20:30 – What Cathy misunderstood about adoption24:30 – Moving beyond the “rescue” narrative28:00 – Witnessing reunion, grief, and complexity31:00 – Trying to understand the adoptee experience35:00 – Why the timeline mattered38:00 – What actually helped in the friendship41:00 – Learning to ask, “What do you need?”43:30 – Sitting with what couldn’t be fixed46:00 – Finding and trusting Julie’s voice49:00 – How friendship changed Cathy52:00 – What people who love adoptees need to know53:30 – “You’ve got this” and closing reflectionsUn-M-Othered: A Revolution in Adoptee HealingWebsiteInstagram: @juliebrumley_Facebook: julierasbrumTikTok: @juliebrumley_Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook GroupYou Tube: @julie_brumley