What Leaders Get Wrong About Conflict at Work

Most leaders know how to avoid conflict. Far fewer know how to move through it well. And there is a reason for that. The moment tension enters a conversation, you are not just dealing with the issue in front of you. Your brain is assessing threat, pulling from past experiences, and deciding how to respond. Sometimes before you have had a chance to think through what you actually want to say. In this episode of Not Like Me, I sit down with Annie Lalla, known as the "Cartographer of Love." Annie is a philosopher, conflict resolution expert, and certified coach whose work sits at the intersection of neuroscience, psychology, emotional intelligence, and human development. She teaches a method called "The Art of Fighting," and one of her ideas really stayed with me: sometimes the intensity of our reaction has very little to do with what is happening in front of us and a whole lot to do with what that moment brings up in us. I have seen that firsthand. Years ago, I coached an executive who could trace one of his biggest professional triggers all the way back to being embarrassed in a fourth-grade math class. Decades later, that feeling of inadequacy was still showing up in rooms where the stakes were much higher. That is why self-regulation matters in leadership. In this episode: → What can happen in your brain and body when conflict triggers a threat response → Why avoiding a difficult conversation usually does not make the problem disappear → How to turn a complaint into something the other person can actually hear → What jealousy and competitive energy may be telling you → Why psychological safety starts with how leaders respond when people disagree → Practical ways to catch yourself before a trigger starts running the conversation Conflict is not automatically evidence that something has gone wrong. Sometimes it is evidence that something important needs to be said. The question is whether you have developed the skill to say it well. This episode is for every leader who has ever walked out of a meeting thinking, "I wish I had handled that differently." 📌 Mentioned in this episode: Ally Leadership by Stephanie Chung 🔔 Subscribe so you never miss an episode of Not Like Me. 📲 Follow Stephanie: https://learn.stephaniechung.com/stephanie-chung-social