Sara Vandenberg: What a CPS Investigation Actually Involves

One assumption does real damage in a contested separation: that child protective services is a route to custody. Sara Vandenberg, who worked those cases from the inside, says the agency does not recommend custodial arrangements between two parents and cannot hand a child to one of them. Court is where custody is decided, and calls made for custody reasons tend to come back on the person who made them.Sara Vandenberg is a psychotherapist and trauma professional who specializes in familial sexual abuse and incest, and works with survivors of abuse more broadly. She spent about three years as a child protective services caseworker in Texas before moving into clinical practice, and she now runs Tonalli Counseling Services along with a coaching and consulting practice. Her book, Choosing to Love Again, is about recovering from betrayal, from familial abuse to infidelity and abandonment. This is her second conversation on the show.She starts by lowering the temperature: investigations are common, they are usually short, and removal is rare. Then she draws the line that changes how you understand the whole process. A caseworker is not assessing whether you are a good parent. They are assessing whether the child is safe, which is why an investigation can close with nothing happening even when real harm is present. Her risk-versus-danger frame does the rest of the work: risk is the deer-crossing sign, danger is the deer in the road.The rest is practical. What to document, and why she wants a record of your child's behavior rather than a file on your ex. What a caseworker notices in a home, which is closer to milk in the fridge than an immaculate kitchen. What defensiveness sounds like when a parent lists everything they do and everything their ex does not. Preparing a child for an interview without coaching them, and how coaching gives itself away. Substances, including hair follicle testing that looks back months on a child. Getting written confirmation that a case was ruled out. What to do, early, if a placement may be coming. And repeated false reports: why you cannot stop them, and what a pattern of them eventually says about the person making the calls.As always, this is strategic education, not legal or mental-health advice for your specific situation.🎓 What you'll learnWhy a report to child protective services is not a route to custodyThe difference between clinical harm and what an abuse statute actually coversRisk versus danger, and which one an investigation turns onWhat to document before an investigation, and why it's your child's behaviorWhat a caseworker looks at in your home, and what they are not looking atHow to prepare a child for an interview without it reading as coachingHow to get written documentation that a case was ruled outWhat to do early if a placement may be coming, and how a safety plan differs from a removal⏱️ Chapters 0:00 Intro 1:00 How common investigations are, and how rarely a child is removed 3:00 The myth that child protective services decides custody 5:00 Handling the panic, and how short the process usually is 8:00 What to document, and clinical harm vs. the abuse statute 12:00 Risk vs. danger: the deer-crossing frame 14:00 Defensiveness, and what a caseworker hears in "I did, he didn't" 16:00 What they look at in your home 18:00 When a caseworker can act before a judge signs off 20:00 Substances, hair follicle testing, and preparing a child for the interview 24:00 If placement is coming: naming a safe person early 27:00 Repeated false reports, and how children actually handle themKeep going 💜 Book a free 30-minute discovery call and we'll help you map your next steps: https://beentheregotout.com/call 📘 Been There Got Out: Toxic Relationships, High-Conflict Divorce, and How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances — https://www.amazon.com/dp/194627495X 📘 Been There Got Out: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You (our parental-alienation book) — https://www.amazon.com/dp/1967674183 🔗 Sara Vandenberg at Tonalli Services: https://tonalliservices.com/About Been There Got Out Chris Barry and Lisa Johnson are high-conflict divorce, custody, and co-parenting strategists, and the founders of Been There Got Out. They know these cases from the inside: both have successfully represented themselves in family court. Few attorneys have a playbook for a case like this — Chris and Lisa write yours with you, so you and your kids can get through it as unscathed as possible.