When your child only wants the other parent

Author and parenting coach Maggie Dent shares advice for parents who are wondering what to do when their child only wants them or your co-parent to do things for them. Does your toddler suddenly prefer your co-parent? It's not you, it's them, says parenting guru Maggie Dent.She says young children are only capable of holding a complete attachment to one person at a time and it's "quite normal" for toddlers to suddenly decide that only one specific parent will do.Dent, who has four sons and seven grandchildren, is a former teacher and counsellor, author of numerous books and the host of the ABC podcast Parental as Anything."I've got a grandson at the moment who turns two in May. And my poor son, he's just spare because he's now nowhere near good enough, it's all Mummy do it, Mummy do it."While it's a natural stage of development, dealing with it can be tough, Dent says."We're biologically wired to react strongly emotionally to rejection, because we are a social species. So even though it's a little toddler, and you can say in your head, 'they're emotionally immature, they don't have the brain architecture to be able to make really reasoned, logical choices', in the heat of the moment, it hurts so much."Dent says being aware of what's happening and sharing the parenting load will help stop this preference from becoming an engrained pattern over time. She says creating boundaries and validating the child's emotions are a good first step."Every now and then I think we've just got to, you know, be real with our kids... 'I know you would love mummy to do it, but mummy's actually gone to the toilet. Mummy's gone out to do some shopping, mummy is actually having a rest'."They will cry and protest. But that's a protest cry. It's not one of the cries that says, 'this is a threat to my survival'. And if you've got a child in that window, you know you're having meltdowns around the colour of a cup. So, it's not a serious thing. It's frustrating and it can be really annoying. However, we really encourage you to keep on stepping in with great joy, lightness and laughter as they gradually get used to the fact that sometimes, here's the other parent and they've done it quite well, too."Coping with this stage requires perspective and support from your co-parent, Dent says."I think what gets frustrating is that the exhausted parent can sometimes lose their joy and delight... as well as the other parent being the excluded one and trying desperately to do everything, and then you end up with a very unhappy household."…Go to this episode on rnz.co.nz for more details