Why 14 is the Most Dangerous Age for Parental Alienation: a Psychologist Explains

What if the moment your child starts pulling away isn't a sign of failure, but the beginning of a chapter you can still write?Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst has spent 50 years as a psychologist inside divorce cases, family courts, and the offices of struggling parents. What she's learned might change the way you see everything.In this powerful conversation, Lisa sits down with Dr. Vanderhorst to explore the real psychology behind parental alienation - how it starts, why children pull away, what's actually happening inside your child's developing mind, and what you can do right now to protect and rebuild your relationship with them.Dr. Vanderhorst introduces a framework that most parents have never heard: divorce doesn't just disrupt your child's relationship with you, it disrupts their sense of place and their attachment to the world itself. When children lose two of their three core attachments simultaneously, their behavior shifts in ways that look like alienation but are rooted in survival. Understanding this changes everything.She also offers a deeply compassionate reframe for parents whose children are actively refusing contact: treat your child like a traumatized rescue animal who needs to earn safety at their own pace, not a family member who owes you time. Set your ego aside. Give them space. Stay consistent. That patience, she explains, is what eventually brings children back - and she has decades of cases to prove it.If your relationship with your child has been damaged by a toxic co-parent, this conversation gives you both the psychological foundation for understanding what's happening and the practical strategies for responding with patience, dignity, and hope.WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE✅ Why divorce disrupts a child's three core attachments — and what that means for their behavior✅ The subtle, nonverbal ways alienation happens without any spoken words✅ How to talk about your ex's traits in ways that help your child without harming yourself✅ What to do when your child's alienation is getting worse, not better✅ Why age 14 is the most critical and dangerous period for refusal behavior✅ The 'letter strategy' that kept one father connected across years of complete estrangement — and resulted in every one of his children returning✅ How to survive the shame and social isolation that comes with being a rejected parent✅ A simple feelings vocabulary tool that can help you and your children rebuild emotional connectionABOUT DR. GLORIA VANDERHORSTDr. Gloria Vanderhorst is a licensed psychologist with 50 years of clinical experience spanning the full human lifespan. She began her practice with preschool children and has worked with individuals and families through every stage of development. Dr. Vanderhorst has extensive experience in divorce-related psychological work, including court testimony, child and adult evaluations, and post-divorce parenting support. Her website offers a range of downloadable resources, including her highly regarded feelings vocabulary sheet.Website: www.drgvanderhorst.com