Why Adoptees Disconnect from Themselves (And How Curiosity Helps)

Links & ResourcesSchedule a Connection Call with MeUnderstanding Your Nervous System: A Guide for Adoptees and Those Who Love ThemSummaryIn this first episode of a brand-new series inspired by Julie Brumley’s workshop The Art of Cultivating Belonging: Returning to the Body After the Story, Julie explores the first condition that helps self-belonging begin to emerge:Curiosity.As adoptees - and honestly, as people shaped by trauma - many of us learned to immediately judge, suppress, explain, minimize, or abandon what we feel.But curiosity interrupts judgment.It creates space to notice what is happening inside us without immediately trying to fix it.In this episode, Julie shares:how adoptees become skilled at reading everyone else while disconnecting from themselveswhy hypervigilance, people-pleasing, performance, and emotional suppression are survival adaptationsthe difference between asking “What’s wrong with me?” and “What happened in me?”why the body often tells the truth before the mind can explain itand how healing begins not through force… but through noticingJulie also guides listeners through a gentle somatic noticing practice designed to help reconnect with sensation, safety, and self-awareness in a nervous-system sustainable way.Because belonging is not something we think our way into.It’s something the body slowly learns it can build internally.Keywordsadoption, adoptee healing, curiosity, belonging, nervous system, somatic healing, trauma, hypervigilance, emotional suppression, self-awareness, embodiment, identity, self-belongingKey TopicsThe five conditions that cultivate self-belongingCuriosity as the first condition of healingHypervigilance, shape-shifting, and adaptation in adopteesWhy love may not have felt safe in early lifeThe body’s role in healing and self-awarenessLearning to notice without fixing or judgingReconnecting to sensation after disconnectionSomatic grounding and orientation practicesHealing through awareness rather than forceKey TakeawaysCuriosity interrupts judgmentSurvival often teaches adoptees to disconnect from themselvesThe body often communicates before the mind understandsHealing begins with noticing, not fixingYou don’t need to force transformationSmall moments of staying with yourself matterBelonging grows through repeated moments of returning to selfChapters00:00 – Beginning a new series on belonging01:20 – The five conditions of self-belonging02:10 – Why curiosity matters in healing03:00 – Hypervigilance, performance, and adaptation05:00 – “What do I need to be to be accepted?”06:15 – From “What’s wrong with me?” to “What happened in me?”07:10 – Where the body holds truth08:00 – Guided somatic noticing practice12:00 – Grounding through sensation and orientation14:30 – Letting the body know you’re listening15:15 – Why healing begins with noticing16:20 – Staying present with yourself17:15 – Closing reflections + next week’s episode on clarityClosing ReflectionBelonging doesn’t begin when we finally “fix” ourselves.It begins the moment we become willing to stay curious about what we carry…and gently turn back toward ourselves instead of away.WebsiteInstagram: @juliebrumley_Facebook: julierasbrumTikTok: @juliebrumley_Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook GroupYou Tube: @julie_brumley