Why Are So Many Women Obsessed with Off Campus?

I recently devoured the show Off Campus and I fell in love with the show and it’s characters.At first, I thought I was simply enjoying the young adult hopeful romance, the chemistry, and the comfort of an easy binge-watch at the end of the day.There is something deeply satisfying about a show you can disappear into for a few hours, especially when the world around us seems to be in chaos.But I soon realized I had become strangely fascinated by the men. I love the two main female characters too and I love how they support each other, but it was the men who really got my attention (and no it’s not because of their looks, though the men are very handsome).I became fascinated with them. They aren’t perfect. They are messy. Still growing up. Sometimes emotionally immature. They make mistakes, avoid things they should probably deal with, and occasionally made me want to yell at the television.And yet…I found myself strangely moved by them.Despite all their imperfections, there is something emotionally available about them seems rare especially in men in my age bracket.These young men care, apologize, communicate and even know how to repair after conflict.And (swoon), they really notice when something matters to the women they love.Even the friendships between the men are lovely. They support one another. There is warmth between them. Affection. Playfulness. An emotional closeness that is refreshing to watch.And yes, of course they are attractive.But honestly? I do not think millions of women are watching Off Campus simply because there are good-looking hockey players. There are plenty of movies and shows with hot guys in them.Apparently the show became one of Prime’s biggest launches, drawing more than 36 million viewers in its first twelve days, particularly among women, and I was one of them. I recommended it to some friends and they had already binged the show!That kind of success this show is having says something.And it is not just young women watching. (I have suggested it to my 19 year old daughter but she’s not watched it yet.)Women in midlife are watching too. Married women. Single women. Divorced women. Mothers. Even some grandmothers!Women like me who know that attraction and partnership are not always the same thing. Chemistry isn’t enough and sometimes love isn’t enough either. And those of us who have sat beside someone we have loved loved and yet still felt lonely.Those of us who know what it feels like to try and have a hard conversation while someone emotionally shuts down, changes the subject, becomes defensive, or slams the front door as they leave.I experienced the shut downs and defensiveness in a relationship I ended recently. So perhaps I am even more aware of this at the moment because it’s still so fresh.I know so many women who have spent years becoming relationship managers without even realizing it. Softening conflict so as not to aggravate our partners. Reading the other person’s moods and treading on eggshells. Choosing our words carefully. Explaining things three different ways in the hope of finally being understood.And I keep wondering if what so many women are responding to is something much more powerful than even the romance.Something many of us may not even have had language for.Emotionally safe love.Not perfect love. Definitely not the fantasy of Cinderella happy-ever-after love.Not flawless men because we know that there’s no such thing as the perfect person.Just the feeling of being emotionally safe with someone.The sense that hard conversations might not immediately lead to withdrawal or defensiveness. That closeness does not disappear the minute things become difficult. That tenderness and strength could exist in the same person (this is the ultimate aphrodisiac for me).Maybe this sounds bigger than a television show deserves. But we live in a world of entertainment now, and so much of our lives are lived vicariously through shows and we learn about relationships and life through them.I think the show is revealing something. Or perhaps reminding women of something they have been longing for all along (I know I have).I recently read an article about Off Campus that described the fantasy of the show as offering women “profound intimacy and connection without unequal power dynamics.”That line stayed with me.Because perhaps what feels so appealing is not simply romance, but mutuality. The sense of partnership. The feeling that emotional closeness belongs to both people. That women are not carrying all the emotional labor while men remain emotionally distant.The article also said something that made me laugh and then pause. The writer admitted her eyes rolled at some of the men’s emotionally evolved language around women and safety, and yet she also wondered whether simply imagining healthier versions of masculinity might somehow help bring them into existence.I understood exactly what she meant.Because my Facebook feed has now become completely full of interviews with the cast during the press tour, and I have found myself unexpectedly charmed there too.The way they interact with one another is so lovely. The warmth. The joking. The emotional openness. The way they seem genuinely affectionate with each other without embarrassment.There is something so endearing about watching young men who appear comfortable being thoughtful, emotionally engaged, playful, and kind.Of course, interviews are curated. Publicity tours are polished. We never really know people. But something about the energy between them feels hopeful and, to me, it feels genuine.These young men seem emotionally connected to themselves and each other.I have been almost desperate to see some positive male role models in more mainstream shows and movies.Especially now when it’s such a confusing time between men and women. When you have the manosphere, and the rise of online misogyny and “your body, my choice” rhetoric, and the trad wife movement.On one hand, many women have spent decades doing deep emotional work. Therapy. Healing. Boundaries. Attachment. Nervous systems. Communication. Trying to understand themselves and relationships in ways previous generations perhaps never had language for.At the same time, there seems to be a growing tension in the culture.Trad wife conversations. The rise of misogyny online. Young men being pulled toward influencers who seem genuinely angry at women. Women still somehow expected to be everything all at once.Successful, but not intimidating. Independent, but not threatening. Beautiful, but effortless. Strong, but soft. Opinionated, but never difficult. Emotional, but never “too much.”And somewhere underneath all of this, I wonder if many women are quietly carrying the same question:Can I be fully myself and still feel deeply loved?Can I be emotional, ambitious, vulnerable, aging, feminine, opinionated, evolving, messy, successful…and still feel emotionally safe with a man?Because I think many women are tired. I know I am. After 28 first dates, two short lived relationships, and experiencing a lot in my year of online dating, I was exhausted.I know so many women who are tired of reaching for emotional closeness and not quite finding it. Carrying more of the emotional weight than feels fair. Feeling lonely while standing beside someone. Shrinking parts of themselves to maintain connection. And the feeling that wanting emotional intimacy somehow makes them needy or “too much.”And maybe that is why these fictional young men feel strangely comforting.They are far from perfect, but they seem willing to stay emotionally close. To care. Repair. Listen. To delight in women rather than quietly resent them.And before anyone misunderstands me, I want to say this too.I feel enormous compassion for men.Because so many men were raised with messages that emotional openness was weakness. They had to man up. In Australia, they would say, harden the F’ up. Don’t cry like a girl (that really angered me as a child).Emotional intimacy was often never modeled. Tenderness was sometimes mistaken for weakness. And many men have suffered because of that too.So this is not criticism. It’s a combination of curiosity, hope, and a dose of grief.The yearning for emotional closeness, the conversations that didn’t go the way I imagined, and the repair attempts that didn’t happen. Those moments, where I stood in my kitchen, longing for tenderness (you know that feeling of being enfolded in a man’s arms and he kisses you gently on the forehead).I share my observations from the point of view as a mother of two. My daughter is almost twenty. She is beautiful. She is bold. She is amazing to me as she has suffered a lot in her life with health challenges but now works as a nurse.My son is fourteen and has the sweetest, kindest nature. He notices people and feels deeply. His emotional intelligence surprises me sometimes and I have seen him have more maturity than many a grown man.Watching him gives me hope for the future of men folk, but also fear that his beautiful nature will be squashed and pushed down by the pressure of what it means to be a man in our society.I have hope that something important might be changing at least for the younger generations. I want this for both my children.I think so many of us who have watched* Off Campus* are excited to see a version of masculinity that still feels deeply masculine, but emotionally safe too.One where men can be strong and kind. Protective and emotionally present. Playful and emotionally intelligent. Where closeness does not come at the expense of independence. And where women do not have to become smaller to feel loved.And perhaps what so many women are subconsciously picking up on when we binge-watch this show is: I want to feel safe to be fully myself.For me personally, I have been longing for this version of masculinity that feels safe and respectful.I shared this previously, that I ended a relationship with someone I feel deeply in love with and I broke my own heart because I knew this relationship was not good for me. I did not feel I could be fully myself and that I was shrinking in on myself and my dreams.In my heartbroken state, still wounded, I unexpectedly met someone.This man I met when I wasn’t looking for love, while my heart was still tender, has been amazing. He’s masculine and protective, and I feel so safe emotionally and physically with him in my life.I have been surprised by the contrast of life before him, when I wasn’t even fully aware of how unsafe I felt most of my life, and the safety I now find with him. (I had one very very lovely long term partner of seven years who also provided that sense of safety, but somehow this feels different again.)I have written a song for this man and I will share it it below. I also have a song called Good Men Out There. I wrote this song as a balm to my tender open heart while I was in my year of online dating (I didn’t know it would take me a year to find my man!). I would play this song after another dating disappointment.Here’s to healthy masculinity and male role models. For men who love and care deeply, who are both strong and tender, and have a sense of their place in the world.I would love to know if you’ve watched Off Campus and what you think.There Are Good Men Out ThereHere’s the song I wrote when I was dating to give me hope after another disappointment. I focused on the fact that there are so many good men in the world and I just needed to find the right one for me.I wrote the lyrics and generated the music in the Suno AI app. You can also listen to this song on Spotify.Love Found UsHere’s the song I wrote for the new handsome, tender, strong and loving man in my life. The unexpected one! This will be on my new album coming out soon called Love Stories.Here’s to living fully expressed!LoveAyesha Get full access to Fully Expressed with Ayesha Hilton at fullyexpressedwithayesha.substack.com/subscribe