Why Are You So Certain Your Rural Neighbors Will Help You If Times Get Hard?

Your tips are greatly appreciated! Upgrade at 30% off“We're not perfect. We've got our problems. But when times get tough, we stick together.”Growing up, this is the line I was told. The words were spoken with such sincerity that there was no room for doubt.“We're country folk. We take care of our own. You can trust that. We'll be there for you.”As the years went by, I encountered men who didn't treat me kindly. Growing up on a farm, I was expected to work long hours, sometimes running dangerous machinery. Through it all, the constant refrain rang in the background.“Rural people are kind, we take care of each other.”I worked hard. I got good grades. I tried to do everything that was asked of me. Always, there was the promise of a future reward that remained just out of reach. I just had to work a little harder, make a few more sacrifices, and all good things would come to me.The indoctrination guided my behavior for decades. I became conditioned to seek the favor of men in positions of power. We were all expected to ingratiate ourselves to them.“You should get to know powerful men. If times get hard, you can go to them for a favor.”Imagine my surprise the first time one of these powerful men asked a favor from me. Never, in any of my education, had I been prepared for that.“Do you have any money?”“Why?”“I'm a little short this month. I'm waiting for an investment to come through. In two weeks I'll be flush, it's just that I've got something to handle in a few days.”I knew right away that this was one of the favors I was expected to grant in order to secure the promise of a future reward. Still the alarm bells started ringing in the distance.Simultaneously, I was assailed by the familiar refrain. Rural communities help each other. Give everything now and you'll be rewarded later. Sacrifice your strength. Sacrifice your future. Give to the powerful men. The powerful men will be there when you need them. When one of them turns to you for aid, you should consider it a great honor. You must help. That's what rural folk do.But I didn't have any money, so I had to let the powerful man down.He wasn't understanding at all. Naturally he didn't believe me. He called me a liar. He accused me of not digging deep enough. He called me “lazy.” He assumed I was holding out on him. He left the meeting angry and I felt shame.I felt shame even though he had been the one asking me for help. Weren't we never supposed to ask for assistance until the promised day had come when we'd reap all our rewards like a golden harvest?But you see, I'd failed the unspoken expectation of rural areas. Our ideology said that we always helped, even though we were also told never to ask for any assistance. The only exception is to jump when rich and powerful men demanded further sacrifice. We were all supposed to remember and be grateful for all the sacrifices they'd done for us, even though we couldn't see examples of any.A rich person had called in the debt owed, and I'd failed to comply. All the contradictions made my head spin.The years went by, and I came into hard times of my own. Despite the fact that I'd spent all my life holding the line, you don't have to go out of bounds that far for them to come down hard.“We always knew you were a trouble maker!”The worst part is that I'd always known that's what they'd thought. Even during the superficial good days, I'd had a sense that they resented me. You can see that in furtive looks and downcast eyes.Rural folk have a tendency to retreat from you and gather in small groups. From across the room, they form echo chambers and gaze in your direction as they stand together whispering.What are they saying?Upon what evidence do they make their decisions?When hard times hit, the help was not forthcoming. There was only judgment. Now they had evidence to support their suppositions.“You're being punished. Don't you see?”“For what?”“For your essential badness.”“By whom?”“By God.”It had never occurred to me to say this to the powerful man when he'd come begging for money. I hadn't been trained to think that way. My conditioning prevented me from ever finding fault with him. My work only had value when I turned over the profits of my labor to people such as him.I didn't dare to think that he was short on money because “God was punishing him.” He was short on money due to circumstances beyond his control. It could have happened to anybody. Our duty was to help, not to judge. Rural people stick together.Except when the person in need of assistance is you.When hard times came, the rural folk that I'd known and loved all my life became cold and distant. They turned their backs, and I realized this is who they had been all along. Every single day, they had always been this way. Every single day as I'd wasted my strength based on the promise of a reward that would never come.“All you have to do is work hard. All you have to do is be loyal. All you have to do is make a small sacrifice now and things will be better for you later. In fact, you'll be rich. You'll be richer than you can even imagine.”I went along with that even though I didn't even want to be rich. All I wanted was to be respected and loved. Give me an honest job and a family and a humble house and I'm content.But they promise you the universe, and then they deliver a debt.We're told that rural areas are filled with honest, caring, regular people who will stand up for their neighbors in times of need. It's a nice story. I'd like to believe.Who wouldn't want to believe that?But where's the evidence?Yes, I know, there are a few stories. It's still true that a car will stop on a cold day if you have trouble on the road. But is it the first car? Or do twenty or fifty or a hundred cars pass by as if you don't even exist? People stare stubbornly forward in a little bubble of denial as they pass you by.When times get hard, is there a race to see who can help first? Or is there a time of desperate waiting? Do you encounter hostility, resentment, judgment and abuse?How long have you waited for the promised reward to come?Do you know anyone who has ever actually received it?Perhaps for the first time in our history we're starting to see the truth. The promise of something extreme makes for a pleasant fantasy, but you shouldn't be tricked or pressured into sacrificing your present joy.No matter how much you give, they'll retreat to their little groups and whisper that you're selfish. Then, when the hard times hit, they'll insist you deserve it.It's time we didn't numb ourselves with fantasy, and accepted the hard truth of our reality. Rural folks don't have your back. The simple, idyllic community is a lie. They're out for themselves.Don't sacrifice your chance at happiness to chase the promise of a reward that will forever go unfulfilled. You can't be sustained by intangible lies. You have to get your hands on something that's real.You all make this newsletter happen! Thanks for your sponsorship! I have payment tiers starting at as little as twenty dollars a year.Upgrade at 30% offUpgrade at 40% offUpgrade at 50% offUpgrade at 60% offI'm so happy you're here, and I'm looking forward to sharing more thoughts with you tomorrow.My CoSchedule referral linkHere’s my referral link to my preferred headline analyzer tool. If you sign up through this, it’s another way to support this newsletter (thank you).I'd Rather Be Writing is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Get full access to I'd Rather Be Writing at walterrhein.substack.com/subscribe