Welcome welcome welcome please take a seat and we'll get started welcome to to dump to tame I'm the up hinge off and today. I'm gonna try to answer the question. Why did no one teach me what a nut is? and now for our weekly To update yeah, oh man you guys are biting chomping at the chomping at the bit biting at the chomp You're ready to have it and I'm gonna tell you what's up for those of you who don't know where what are you doing?
Get in the no stop not knowing I broke my little piggy. It did not go to market. It couldn't do anything It didn't stay home. It didn't run all the way.
It didn't do shit because it was fucking Shattered broken fractured injured. I don't know again. I got x-rays never received them. It's unclear the pain though was Variable I bared it, but it didn't didn't feel like I would make it through on the other side, but here I am It's always still there it feels better Mostly all it's like feeling like it's feeling like a toe again Except it does really hurt when I scrub in between my my pig my little piggy and the ring piggy I have to remember to like use my pinky finger because I went in there the other day just like for whole hog I don't know what that means like I literally put a whole hog in between my two toes and I was like why does that hurt?
No, I need to be careful when I scrub between because it's used to being taped and it needs to learn how to be on it Don't but that doesn't mean I have to aggressively shove my whole fist in between my toes just to teach it a lesson And I'm still not able to slide it into sneaks the way I would expect after how long has it been Jesus Christ You know what I think is all how this all happened. I got new sneakers for my birthday Because I was like trying to exercise ever and I was like starting to jog and like Hike Excuse me That was so wet. I was positive. I was gonna vomit a good and plenty because that's what I just ate and my body was like Mmm, this is too good too good.
I know you guys were like, oh a good and plenty you mean like chalk You mean like it was just yes. Yes, those they fucking make my mouth so happy don't get mad about it Just send them to me you find them on sale send up. They're always on sale Except the ones I've been eating are super stale because I think no one buys them Anyway, what was I saying my sneakers? So I was like trying to exercise more than my my hubby bought me new sneaks for my birthday in April and then boom I was like I was doing it like I was going out like of course the first few times were just like my sneaks look so cute Like they felt so cute that wore off and I had to really convince myself that I had to keep at it and I did a little bit And I was like I'm gonna do this for the rest of time Like I don't even need a new year's resolution because I'm just gonna be me and me is gonna be the kind of person who does this because they do it And then I really didn't want to like my heart's not in anymore Like I used to exercise all the fucking time like I was like got like the gym gave me a fucking boner I was like oh man.
I can be here all day. Oh my god. This is a 24-hour gym Let me test it. Is it really 24 hours?
Like I can never leave. Oh my god. It's amazing I'm so thin and upset and I have no life cuz I'm here all the time But I'm here so I'm here and I'm though look the way one might want to look if they were ever in the world except I'm not in the world because I'm here also this is disgusting everyone's filthy and the only show on the TV is keeping up with the Kardashians I guess I'll watch that over and over and over again So now I really can't do fitness because I can't do a little bit and then I think I have like PTSD like I have these flashbacks And I'm like oh god if I put a foot to the pavement I'm gonna have to be here until I die I'm gonna have to not come back until these sneaks are worn through to the soul like my foot soul like until my foot I'm running on my feet while I'm always running on my feet until I'm running on my bare feet my bare feet I just imagine me like running like trying to look like so cute the way people have like how do you look cute when you run But people here they do that in LA like running cute with my bare feet So like everything looks cute until you get to my ankle and then I just actually have bare feet Like like like like do you call my clothes or paws like bear paws? And so if someone's like checking me out there like oh look at her looking cute and running the way girls do Oh my god look at those bear paws And I'm like I'll teach you to look at me Try to don't cat call me.
Why don't you bear call me and I'll why don't you bear spray? Nope don't do that that's bad for the bear anyway Um, so I didn't really want to be running But I was like you need to do exercise not because of like you want to be skinny We've like we're not doing it for that We're doing it because like health is a thing now that you're old and like falling apart And maybe you're falling apart because you're literally sitting at home eating good and plenty and also like your heart Just because you used to exercise not like your heart remembers like you got to keep doing stuff that your body stays keeps going I think Trump is proving otherwise, but he's a piece is not real So it doesn't matter what am I gonna look to him for anything other than like to make myself a yak? So I was doing it for like health because apparently I'm need need it But I really didn't want to do it and So I feel like then the pandemic happened Well, not even the pandemic gave me like I was still trying to do it during the pandemic Like I masked masked up while I ran which was like my lord like I'm a heavy breather when I run like I'm just start panting the second I get outside I think it's like my body's like It's like protecting me. It's like you're dying already and like How do I know I breathe like that?
Well, I was listening to music because I always listen to something while I'm running and I was running down the street That was a little too busy for comfort But I was running and like a lot of people were staring at me and I was like I know I'm like so committed like it's not even the sneakers It's just like my new lifestyle I'm just like running like even with a mask like just like through everything like habits You know you got a four-mom before you can break on before you can make them And I was like feeling a little bit like how people must feel when everyone looks at you because you're like amazing and then My headphones died and I suddenly heard myself breathing so hard and I was like Everyone was concerned and or like horrified or afraid They just heard my like heavy feet and heavy breathing and they were like she's either running from someone which is terrifying But we're not gonna help we're just gonna look obviously Or she's like at the end of her rope and she's not gonna make it to the corner. Let's get our phones out and video Anyway, I don't even know what I was saying is I feel like I brought my broken little toe on myself Like I didn't really want to run so my toe broke so that I couldn't and like it's not good because I should be But I never wanted to be so I feel like I broke my own toe and I don't know how what lesson that teaches who or anyone And now I sort of feel like I should get back into it But I keep being like my toe hurts which it does but also is it ever gonna stop hurting? I think maybe it's just sort of how it's gonna be because my dad broke his toe a while ago and he's like it's still hurt But he's running and I'm like Jesus Christ can we could like stay in your lane, man Like you don't got to do everything like like retire and live your best life and like don't tell me you have a broken Tone you're running like it ain't no thing because then I can't say that I'm not running because I broke my toe a long time ago But the truth is putting it into a shoe is still not working. So I guess I can't anyway moving forward The podcast what are we talking about today?
So here's the thing here's what's happening my house is falling apart rapidly rapidly and drastically aggressively Unfortunately, it is falling apart pieces are literally falling from the sky shit is breaking down Like I never knew what made a house a house or an apartment I live in an apartment building like I never knew what made an apartment building function until one by one the things shut down And I was like oh all these things need to happen for this just to feel normal because right now it is a goddamn a fucking struggle Every day so like last week our oven broke And that was a boomer and like no and a week before like a week or so whatever what is time you get it like before that our Well the days that it was like 120 degrees here Our ceiling started to like feel like there's one panel of our ceiling panels or whatever's up there So I did to like there's a huge water stain on it and then I started like fill with water and I was like I hope that's not the only thing between the two apartments did I think that for sure yes And then I was like it can't be just that foam like corkboard that separating the people from being in my house Right because I get they were to jump they'd fall through and I don't know if you know about my upstairs neighbors But on the weekends, I'm not sure what it is They do but what it sounds like they do is move furniture around like redo the apartment on the weekends and also release a bag of marbles So I was like I really hope that can't be because they would have already come through anyway filled with water And I was like it must be everyone has a race season. I don't know what it is But it's full and it's gonna explode but And then today or yesterday this weekend there was a power surge like the power keeps going in and out and Our refrigerator broke and like I didn't even notice luckily my husband noticed I mean it would have noticed when I drank spoiled milk and I was like this taste funny But maybe it's just like milk is weird. I'm like whatever other kind of cashew nut fucking weird shit milk We have I'm not saying that like in a bad way. I like that milk.
I'm just saying it's weird who knows When you start to stray from a cow titty you just got to know things smell weird things taste weird My husband noticed because like our house was suddenly like very peaceful and quiet and we were I was like I just like felt funny, but he was like our refrigerators off And I was like oh and it was it was off and then it didn't turn on and it's gone And so anyway what I've been oh also today. We had no hot water It's just really like every morning I wake up and I'm like what's broken today I don't say it though like that like with a smile like I'm gonna get after that day and just see what's new and broken I say like I scream at a wall and I'm like tell me what's broken before I break it We had no hot water and that's happened like five times in the last month But I mean so here's the thing I originally on this today's episode I wanted to really shit talk the buildings management like really get at them for like all the ways that they just Suck so hard and like are really bad at what they do and like make me so sad that my dark thoughts have gotten so fucking dark It's like a flashlight's not gonna help like I'm in pure darkness and like they don't care This building is falling apart and it's because of that like that's what I wanted to talk about But that would be like too easy, you know because it's like I'm like decent at shit talking And it's like I don't know think of all the worst things you've ever thought about a fucking person or company and then just like My buildings management so like you get it so instead I decided to look in the mirror What I just said is that the same I decided I looked in the mirror just because that's fun There I am our apartment does a lot of mirrors like an uncomfortable amount of mirrors Like the people back in the day like to bone a lot because there's like a lot of stuff There's one of the rooms the whole wall is mirrors the closet doors are all mirrors There's mirrors in the lobby. It's like you could really you could really get at it and watch it Maybe the new new buildings. They don't do that because people you know, they don't want it anymore Is that what they're saying about the youth?
Anyway, I decided to take a look in the mirror I don't know what that means saying means what I'm trying to say is I was like Maybe I wouldn't need to rely on this Dick fuck management company to fix things if I was better at fixing things and Like maybe I wouldn't even need to see them at all or ever talk to them at all and that's my dream But we all know that dreams don't come true But that would be my dream anyway, so I wanted what's happening I just I what I'm saying is maybe some of it is on me like if the management and I went to therapy Maybe eventually the therapist would be like I hear you and maybe is there anything you're doing wrong and I'd be like Doesn't seem like it But it really doesn't why don't you why don't you ask them? But I did realize if I could fix things better or if I knew how to fix anything Maybe we would meet halfway and they'd only have to fix half the things that they break and make keep breaking in my life And made me sad because I realized I really don't know how to fix anything And I didn't know if this is like is this like a common problem like did the internet ruin tools? I don't know I feel like blaming the internet is a safe place to start So we do we blame the internet. I'm old now I can blame the internet, right?
I'm also feel like extra guilty because my mom is very good at fixing shit like impressively impressively like She's like like not like like fur a mom like she's good at fixing shit like as a fixer as a person Like she owns her own tools because she knows what they're for like she has certain ones because she's gonna know what she knows what she's gonna need them for and then she uses them for that and then things work and I Feel like I should have picked some of that up along the way, but I really I really didn't She even gave me tools like my gift when I moved to college was she gave me tools and at the time I was like who's the real tool mom like what the fuck is this? Like what am I ever gonna need this like metal stick with a handle for like what the what who are you? Who do you you don't even know me? I'm like yeah, I do know you she's gonna break and you're gonna be fucked and I'm not coming to help And then I like hit them under my bed and I went on to do you know not my homework But I really don't know what any any tools are for I really don't I do have a bunch just in case Like I don't know what they're called like someone one time I think it was my husband was on the phone and he was trying to help me fix something He was telling me like which tool to grab to like go do the thing and I was like I have to Google it first I don't or tell me what it looks like better I don't know what is I know what a hammer is don't don't act like I'm an idiot.
I know what a hammer is I think a rent rent Is it wretch or is that like a person's a wretch a Wrench I think is the one that looks like a like a it's gonna like a it's gonna eat a pac-man or it is a I don't know it has a little mouth it looks like if you hold it sideways I think that's a wrench a A screwdriver that's the thing it's like what is a phillips hat is that the name of the whole item or is that the Are those the things you can switch like you can make it like flat or you can make it an X or you can make it I guess other stuff is the phillips head a certain like that's the X one or is phillips head the head is irrelevant And it's the whole stick I don't know I know what a I don't know what a nut is but I do laugh when my mom says it Like you help me like build a fucking desk when she was here like take something apart and build something else with like the pieces from the Other thing it was like beyond Ikea she was like taking Ikea apart and making new stuff She's like upgrading that shit and telling you to pass her nuts and shit. I was like mom real wags you know You want to screw this and I nut that And she also gets so mad when I do things like from the wrong angle She's like you got to get down here get to put the tool in straight so you can have like the right torque I don't know or like the right angle or the right like force and I was like let me just stand here and try to get it And then it never works also electric are those electric screwdrivers? Oh my god, the ones that do the thing that's hard when you have oh my god I sound like I'm playing charades, but I'm trying to tell you everything I know The machine that does when you're trying to screw a screw see again What when you're trying to screw into the wall or into something is very hard the electric Yeah, I think it's about an electric screwdriver will do it for you But they scare me too much because I can't tell I guess it's because I don't know how to use it But I don't know how you make sure everything's in the right place going the right direction And I'm sure I'm gonna lose a finger so I do it manually. Yeah, cuz I'm a real girl I Also, I can't bother to like watch like a YouTube video and learn about it Because like I'm more like a DIY like crafter like you know I crochet okay What I'm saying is like I don't want to put a washer I just want to get in there and like poke a hole in the wall and hook a curtain to it and see if it looks cute But like when you do that the hook keeps falling out of the wall because it's made of like paper Mache or something and you need to put a washer in which like I guess holds your whole wall together and then also holds the It's not a washer an anchor A dry wall anchor, but it's like why make walls out of something that you can't put hooks in it You think like life is just gonna be perfect We're never gonna need to put a little hooky here a hooky there.
We're not gonna have to play a hooky Anyway, so I kept putting like a hook in the wall to hold our curtains back and then like two weeks later It would sort of fall out of the wall because I guess there was no what you call it There was no anchor and then I just moved a hole a little bit put it back in and then sometimes it would merge like the two holes I made were too close together So then it just made an even bigger hole that nothing fit into and there now there are a lot of holes in the wall And my husband was like if you would just use an anchor and I was like listen I'm trying I'm doing this my way Like if you just keep doing that with the wall come down or he was like tapping on it and listening I was like what are you like the borrow words? Are you afraid you're gonna fucking pierce one of them in the wall? Like what are you listening for like don't pretend? I feel like so much of it of like building and like Fixing is like pretend.
It's like so much my cheese smell like sampling your ear to the wall and tapping like you're listening to someone's like fucking Heart through their back like your doctor. I do need a stethoscope because isn't rocket science Or do you know there's like literally like a pipe? I don't know something that would have been bad if we burst through it And I was like yeah, but then the curtain would be held back and at least one of us would be happy Anyway, also there was like a like ratchet smell coming out of our sink Which is like fucking creeps me out because it's like I'm not shitting in the sink and like sure sometimes my breath is like not not Ideal but I'm brushing and I'm mixing the mint in with my breath before I even spit So what is it in there that could possibly smell that bad is someone coming in here or my cats just taking a piss in the sink? Like there's like fumes coming up from the sink that smells so bad did some drain.
Oh, drain. Oh, that didn't work Apparently you're not supposed to it's like I'm like definitely a repeat offender like I've bought multiple drain I was like I really should have just got like a day one should have gotten like the ten pack But I was like who whatever use that much of drain Oh, you monster and then I've bought more than that just wanted a time wasting money But I feel better like I'm not the kind of person that's gonna need more you always do apparently I think it just ruins your pipes. I think that's all really drain. Oh does but I was like listen This isn't my forever home like honestly I would mind ruining everything about this building but like maybe I'll wait till I leave But the pipes are all for sure shot like the pipes are I don't even know if there's a pipe down there Maybe that's why it smells just leads to the outside Anyways, it's not really bad and then this maintenance man came and he Well actually think he came for a separate reason He came because that ac leak that was filling up the ceiling He said it was actually coming from the sink and do you hear what I mean about like I'm not just respect like he's does his job And he's I don't know if he's good or not like he was nice and like he did it So like he's something and he has a job so he's already winning but He said like the leak in the ceiling was coming from the sink and like this is what I mean about just like you don't have to show me Your muscles like what are you talking about like that's made up But he said it's because the water is actually coming through this It drains through the sink and I was like I feel you just picked something out of a hat and you were like it's coming from the sink I'm like it's coming from above like I can see the water above But I guess pipes are in the background, you know, it's behind the scenes and I'm not behind the scenes I'm in front of the camera folks so he said that and he went to clean our sink which also was like good for the smell because he was also cleaning the part that smells which is the The peach P-trap and I was like I told you our cats are going in there It is a P-trap because I get P-trap and I was like sorry about that very sorry I didn't they have a litter box.
You can see it. I don't know why they're acting like that they're teenagers But it's it's the P-trap Here's the thing the single parent Lee same with the tub another thing that broke was our tub wasn't draining and FYI You got to make sure you know if your tub is draining or not before you take a peepee in the shower I pee in the shower because I am green I'm saving paper because like what am I gonna get out pee and the waste paper when like all drains lead to I am not sure where they lead Doesn't matter what you put in what hole in what drain? Like if you pee in your sink is that going somewhere that someone's gonna be like oh god They're gonna know doesn't matter. It's why I also don't trust the days because I think it's the same peepee water Because I'm not really sure how they're separating how they know which pipe is going where and I'm pretty sure they're just feeding like similar water back up into your fucking vajingis That you just put into the toilet which doesn't seem sanitary at all anyway the tub wasn't draining and I Learned that the tub and the sink apparently They go like straight so the pee trap against it's like the just a trap my husband saying just a trap woman learn woman It's just a trap.
Yeah, you know what else is a trap this life The tube from the sink goes down like you'd imagine and then it makes a very sharp turning goes wherever pipes go And that's the trap which I feel like instead of calling it a trap We could have maybe investigated another shape because it's such a sharp turn like I know this because I put my pencil So I have a pencil in the shower, it's like a water pencil No, like a pencil pencil, but it comes off with water I had these things like water notes They're like these little notes you can stick to the wall like a sticky pad of notes and a pencil the notes right now But I write on the wall because that's so you can just like watch off um and I took that my shower pencil and I shoved it down the drain to see if I could just do a little investigation See what was blocking it up and I went down and I tried to like follow the pipe and it just snapped my pencil And I was like there's something so dangerous at the bottom of this thing and then I sent a hanger down like a long like Wire and like it would go straight down and then I would get stuck and I was like either what's clogging this is just pure asphalt like I don't know why this won't go down anymore or Or this tube ends here, which is weird or it goes very sharply in a direction That's not down and that's what it is and under the sink sometimes things get stuck in the trap because it's a fucking trap Um, I just feel like with so much innovation. I'm not saying like I'm not blaming anyone because clearly I've done nothing But I feel like this is something we really could fix easily. I feel like we've invented so many things We know lots of shapes now. Maybe they were making this Pipe trap.
They only really knew like circles and lines and sharp angle, you know, like an L But now we know there's endless shapes and we could probably I don't know we have laser printers I don't know see there we go. I'm just starting. I'm just an ideas man Disaster I'm trying to reinvent this thing. What if I was what if I was get this Ted talk ready?
Woman woman reinvent sync. It's so simple yet so complicated. Nothing will ever get okay anyway I think Thank you. She reinvents think it doesn't know what a nut is but she'll give you one what Also, FYI when you clog your bathtub don't use crystal drain out that's something I've learned I don't know if that's really fixing anything It didn't fix anything crystal drain out like the fumes that came out of those crystals like could for sure kill you like they shouldn't sell That to normal people because drain all in and of itself.
I feel it's pretty dangerous But like the crystals when you put water down there like they it's like eating pop rocks But of actual fucking death and the fumes are insane and it like crack like pops like you're fucking boiling oil like Everywhere and it stinks and it didn't even fix shit I was like for all the fucking commotion and all the goddamn pyrotechnics like nothing has been fixed Also something I did learn is if you have a lot of hair in your drain or if you just have a lot of hair in it Falls out which it does and you don't have a thing that stops the hair from going down and some of your hair goes down And you also use a lot of oils in the shower just for like a body experience apparently like oil and hair over time becomes Clock becomes what do they call it those those fat fat burgers big burgers fat burger a fat burger those like things that they like Find in the like like all of everyone's drain clock all put together. Have you seen those like under the under the city? I don't know I think it was in New York in the sewers There's like everyone's accumulated hair and everyone's accumulated clogage and like my broken pencil and like everything that's gone down a drain All the non flushable wet wipes diapers fucking condoms. I don't know whatever else anyone ever flushes Yes, the pencil went down It chopped a little piece off.
I think it went down or the drain over time has really has really Made it less of a pencil and more of a Anyway oil and hair it becomes like I don't know science, but it's it's very Disturbing if you ever pull that up also it is not worth buying like a drain those like snakes You can buy at the hardware store That's like basically just a wire that has a little bit of tape at the end Like I don't even know it's like a little bit of velcro at the end and you're supposed to like shove it down And it has a little like spinny thing like a fishing Fishing cord fishing wire fishing stick. What do you fish with a fish stick? Fishing pole the little windy thing at the end it has that but you're just like winding this little like Tiny wire with like velcro at the tip because it's supposed to collect with the whole fucking fatberg and haul it up Like that shit doesn't nothing I pulled up like two hairs on the velcro and I was like this what I went fishing for like there's gotta be more clogging the drain My lancer anyway didn't know how to fix that. I did read something when I was too scared to do it It was like you can put a plunger over your tub Hole and like suction and I was like dude I've seen silver fish come out of there like if I suction in like the world just like like everything I'm scared of comes up out of that hole like I'm gonna I'm gonna lose it Anyway, so I don't know how to fix the the sink and the smell and the and the and the tub or the toilet look I didn't like Some back into fixer toilet, but you just have a week flush and I was like I again are we making things up here?
Yes, it is a week flush now make it flush flush make a strong flush make it do toilet things He tried to show me Like what he was saying like why he did he fixed like something But then he was like this is why he couldn't fix the other things or give me like a better anything because it was like Inately like in the in what we had the toilet we had such a bad toilet He can't even give it better parts. He opened the back of the toilet and I was like I didn't know that opened Like I sort of do like on some TV shows you see them hide stuff in there But I was like never realized my toilet had the head that or what's in there Again, it also seems very too simple But like finicky like there was just like a ball and a like a balance It's like a balancing act in there and I feel like we need something a little more like hearty a little more trustworthy I don't know if this is how all toilets are or mine was made in like the 1800s, but There's like water back there. I don't want water going behind me like that's where my back is if I sit back I don't like sit back sit back. I'm not trying to like you know lounge and like the seat cover I guess is behind you, but I'm like what is it in the water that's behind me?
Could you put a fish in there? Is it eventually all leave or does that water stay? I don't know, but why would I mean why would I feel confident taking a duty in a system? I don't even understand like if I was at someone's house and I took a duty and it broke I couldn't even try to fix it and like that's that's a huge risk I never knew I was taking kind of which I didn't know because now I'm all worried I'm like let me check their tank except I don't know what I'm looking for should I just poop in the tank?
No, I'm fine. I I think I'm not going to anyone's house anytime soon. I did one time I was very very proud of myself I did fix we have like a little fake fireplace like a like an electric gas See what's the difference gas there's gas. He said there's gas you numb nut I don't know electric when I say electric I just mean like it's not natural like it's not God's work Like I'm not rubbing for sticks and shit together to make fire something's doing it.
That's like a system Yeah, but like it doesn't have a pilot light that's electric. No, where's that coming from? It's a gas there's just constant gas coming out of that tiny hole. Yes.
Oh god The only thing there is actually not Okay, when I say electric it includes gas bro, so Our fireplace wasn't working and like it didn't really matter It's like I'm still unclear so why a lot of apartments in Los Angeles have fireplaces when like it's always a fire year literally right now But also it's always hot But then I wanted it, you know, I was like I hate everything about this apartment At least all the bad shit should work so I need a fireplace now. I'd like to roast my feelings in there Over the tiny ass fucking fire also a pilot is very disturbing It's just like you constantly have a time like I've always been taught to like put out all the candles like check the stove Like don't leave your hair iron on which I did do once in a bit the toilet seat I also burnt the wood floor in my parents house. I left it on by my bed and there was just like a V there forever That was black. Yeah, that was me So I've been taught to turn everything out and it's just so disconcerting to leave this tiny little fire on It's like a baby fire and apparently gas is just coming out there all the time and it's like what could be you want me to turn off The stove but leave a baby fire on all the time all the time 24 seven.
I also feel tired for it I know it's a constantly doing something like I like to turn off the machine so they can rest a little Where's the gas coming from sir? Yeah Wait, so there's like a pipe devoted to all the pilot like on in this house and some people are never using their fireplace Well, it's the same instead of pipes that connect to our oven and they connect to our dryer. Yeah, but is it wasteful? Do we need that gas or something else?
No, we pay for it. We pay for it. Yes. I pay for that fucking one centimeter of fire It's like it's like a $11 a month is like $11 a month.
That's a lot times however many years makes it a lot But not even that it just seems like a waste of gas and we all know you never want to waste gas Oh my god anyway, what I'm saying is it wasn't working I wanted to work and I watched my husband was in Philadelphia and he was gone for a few months So I was just like the woman of the house as I always am and I just was like let me get down to business and like It's only three in the morning. I'm not gonna sleep This seems like a smart time to really get down into the fire and figure out what's going on So watch a YouTube video, but YouTube videos. I have like too much anxiety to like sit through the whole thing I don't know if that's anxiety like my or ADD like I can't start at the beginning and end at the end I really like to jump in somewhere in the middle because the beginning is like this is my video I made I'm like of course it is of course. It's a video that you made that's why I'm watching it I don't know what you're talking about just get to the thing I needed to hear and then I get really annoyed if I do watch from the beginning to end I'm by the end they don't answer the thing that I wanted answered or it's like and then you'll find out in my next video I'm like, I'm not here for fucking tricks, man I'll do whatever you want all subscribers to be channel I'll fucking give you goddamn thumbs up just do what you say you're gonna do in your video not here for jokes like Jesus Christ so I watch a YouTube video from like like the first I watched more than more than the second half like a little bit more than that and he explained what to do and I was like following along and I got in there and put my head in the fireplace and I like had to take out it turns on and off with a little light switch and I had like take apart the light switch and And put my head in the fireplace and I was watching the YouTube video as I was doing it and long story short I it worked it turned on and I was so fucking like like my dick was so hard like I was like I wanted to tell the whole world like I turned on this tiny fire But the thing is when you make the fire place work.
It's like not much bigger than the pilot light Like it's a very tiny fire So I wish I just had like fire crackers or I could just like light a huge fire because I was like that's what I feel like I just did and it felt so good then by the way when that YouTube video was done another one started playing and I heard it And it was literally saying like if this is the kind of fireplace you have Don't fix it. Don't touch it. Don't do anything They don't make parts for this kind of fireplace anymore. It is so incredibly old.
It's probably unsafe Like don't just get in there definitely don't go in there with your phone or like a flashlight as I turned off my flashlight I was still in there and it was just basically like danger danger danger and I was like maybe that's what I missed at the beginning of the First video. I hope it is. I hope that's what I missed because that seems pretty vital Anyway, so I just did something like so dangerous and I didn't even know and I just accomplished it and I did it and now we have a Baby tiny fire we rarely ever use and no one ever even like appreciates the fact that the only reason it works is because of me My god And like for example another thing the garbage disposal broke hundred percent my fault I'm not used to garbage disposal. We don't have those in New York City I guess maybe some people do if you put it in I don't know if it's like a choice or if it's like East Coast West Coast like We do garbage in the sink and they're like we do it in the garbage But I'd never had one before and they're very scary The whole I really think should get covered.
It shouldn't just be open because I got seen drip sometimes another broken thing I don't know how to fix I just try to like screw the faucet on tighter Which doesn't really work and then I put electrical tape around the bottom I was like maybe there's a leak somewhere that's why it's dripping not also not a thing It's my fault. I put rocks down the garbage disposal. I know what you're thinking what the fuck is wrong with you I hear you I thought the same thing no what happened was I was cleaning out a like a pot from the terrace like a planting pot and it was like Empty but I was like rinsing it and I guess there's some little pebbles or little rocks left in there and they went down the drain Which is the garbage disposal and then I was like well I don't know what happens down there like should I go in and try to get them out with chopsticks? And then I couldn't remember if you can put chopsticks down there is that the toaster so Jesus Christ You know anything about like the whole environment you live in like sometimes I think I'm so like careful and like scared of everything And I'm like bitch you're living like the most terrifying like you're living on the fucking edge You don't know which which appliance you can put chopsticks in you don't know which one you can put tin foil in I would have Forking the microwave people To be fair was a mistake, but I didn't really know why I don't know why we didn't put them in I mean obviously you don't need to put a fork in but I know I was like on the lookout for that But I did do it by accident heard a crazy noise apparently everything was fine But I wouldn't do it again anyway I didn't know if I could put chopsticks like metal versus wood is that that must be a toaster thing Does the metal set off the toaster inside I don't know It's like I don't know about metals on metals or fires on on wood or like oh if you put metal in a toaster or you can die Why isn't that written on a toaster like like on the side of like these appliances?
They'll be like a sticker on the cord that's like don't like a baby put his toes down in its mouth And I'm like yeah, look at my hair iron It's like don't like a baby stuff on this like a pacifier and I'm like sure but maybe on the toaster She said no metal you'll die human adult But I don't know why babies up here is running row like holding forts and putting them in toasters The picture of the baby on these tags is like a legit baby I'm like if you think a baby can do that let it try because like that's not a baby I'm a baby and I need you to tell me things like an adult like don't put metal in a toaster I didn't know that I would have done that why is not keeping me safe? I thought you loved me anyway I didn't know what I could put down the garbage disposal or I there's a little light switch that turns it on and off But I didn't know if like something triggers it on the inside like if there's like once it gets going It'll keep spinning like if like a fidget spinner if I just started it was search like wind itself and I go for a little bit So instead I ran some water and I turned the light switch to hopefully make the rocks go away And it got so stuck and so broken and the maintenance guy who at the time it was not part of this management that I despise It was our maintenance man who I loved he came and he it was like yeah It's really broken like what happened and I tried to casually like you know I got some some rocks down there And like I feel like this man had seen a lot in his life, but he was so confused and I I Felt so I just didn't even want to press it I was like you know rocks down there and he was like rocks and I was like yes like rocks like pebbles like pebbles like small rocks And he was like in the in the sink and I was like yes as you do I was trying a fancy dish and threw some pebbles down there I'm just like a chef and then I told him it was like from the garden It just confused things more and then he finally he did fix it and then like tried to like not offend me But also tell me in my face like don't this don't put you can't put rocks in here man And I was like don't tell me I can't So another thing I couldn't fucking fix Also a huge one ladies and gents our smoke detector or no our car carbon monoxide detector was going off I was home by myself it was late at night I told myself carbon monoxide things are beeping first I pan it because I was like where does carbon come from or the monoxide is that the silent one is that the silent killer silent killer Like you can't see it, but you can smell it or you can't smell it if you can hear it I don't know I know it's not like a smoke alarm because we have two separate alarms So I was like this I think is the one that's like sneaky But I don't know where carbon monoxide comes from and I think the whole point is that you won't know that's why you have an alarm So that is going on so I was like I'm stuck in here and there's carbon monoxide How do I know where do I go take the cats out and he was like no is it was beeping like every two minutes or every 30 seconds it was beeping and it looked it up and apparently that means That it's not even like dead it means that the it needs to be replaced like it's just gonna every six years or some shit You have to just completely replace it But anyway at first I heard it beeping freaked out and then I was like shit But I couldn't find where the beeping was coming from I thought it was a smoke alarm So I grab the smoke alarm in our hallway Here's the thing our hallway There's like a hallway our bedroom and then our office are on opposite sides and they both have like a door But the doors were open and both of the rooms have smoke detectors on the ceiling and the hallway There's one in the middle like a pie in the hallway So I stood in the hallway heard it beep, but then I was like shit I think that's coming from the bedroom and then I went to the bedroom and I stood and I was like fuck I think it's coming from the office so then I ran into the office and I was like fuck that's definitely the hallway And I was like these are too close together also Maybe we don't need this many if like I can hear these from every room and I can't tell which one it is But then I was like okay I'll try the hallway and I Ripped it out of the wall and I was trying to turn it off You can't like turn it off and there's like no battery and there's no nothing I guess you can turn it off But I pulled it out it was hanging and I was like fine It's out I did it fuck it I don't care if I die smoke detector is out I thought it was a smoke detector was a problem pulled it out and then like 30 seconds later Mine to my head was like spinning from the sound I have like weird sensitivity certain sounds and this was killing me pulled it out nailed it In like 30 seconds I hear a beep again and I was like it's out of the wall How can I be beeping and then I got really confused because I was like maybe the beep is from the wall Like maybe it's from the wires and the outside is just like a speaker but then I was like I don't wear these what are Like the wires I thought the beeping was coming from in the wall like the because I took the smoke detector off And it was still beeping so then I was like shit maybe it was one of the other ones So then I went to the bedroom, but of course I can't reach our goddamn ceiling because I can't reach anything So I had to get our like one single step from Ikea a step down that still couldn't reach So I had to get a chair and rip that out of the ceiling and I was like, okay, you know there you did it Now you can rest in peace literally you can die happy 30 seconds go by I'm getting off the fucking fort I built to reach the thing I hear a beep again and I was like I'm not saying like the world against me, but how is it literally the only smoke detector? I didn't take out so I'm going to the office and I climb on shit I rip it out of the ceiling a bit aggressive on this one really ripped it out Some like little pieces of that goddamn dry wall of course is dry wall Would you have a wet wall pieces of the ceiling came out and it's just whatever But I was like at least you know what I don't do a fuck at least there's gonna be no beeping boom What do you know? I hear a fucking beep and I literally was like I need to ask someone if they can hear this because I think I'm just actually I've actually gone crazy and this feels exactly how I thought it would like how mostly how I always feel and I called my husband And I think I was texting him I think he couldn't even be on the phone he was like working and I was like help me like I took everything out I've ripped all the things out of our ceiling everything's broken everything's been dismantled But there's still a beep and I also felt like it was like a bomb like it was gonna go off or like someone had like a fucking like I Don't know it felt so scary because I was like if all the smoke detectors are ripped out And it's still beeping that means the smoke is bad also.
I don't see or smell any smoke And then I was like maybe it's a carbon monoxide But these are smoke detectors and couldn't and he was like it's not that it's a carbon monoxide detector And I was like well Maybe you told me that before I broke everything in our house But also where is that and he's like in the hallway and I was like I took that one out that was my first thought I took that one out and he was like no it wouldn't beep if you took it out and I was like literally bitch I took it out like I'm dumb, but I'm not stupid. I took it out. I'm holding it And it kept beeping and like literally you guys like almost just left his house and never came back I'm just walked off into the night and just never returned and then he was like the carbon monoxide I was like I don't know what about the fact that I'm holding it already My hand makes you think that like just because you're like texting me that you can like talk to me this way And he was like what does it look like I think I texted him a picture and he was like that's not it and I was like Is this fun for you because like I'm crying anyway The carbon monoxide detector is low to the ground. It doesn't look the same as like a circle art It's like a little I don't know what I used to think it was but I never thought that it was another alarm It's down by the floor directly under the smoke detector in that hallway So what was happening was when I pulled it out and I still heard the beeping right there that I thought was coming out of the wall It was but the lower wall a.k.a.
The carbon monoxide detector that was dying and needed to be removed But I can't even tell you what I feel like drifting out of the wall and then just continue to hear the thing It's like I was by my feet like how did I not even know that that was there? Oh, like I don't want to dive carbon monoxide, but I don't even know where our detector is Also like I don't know how the sounds happen or what they are Also like aggressive like if it's dying and it needs to be replaced like shoot me a text man Like don't just beep for the rest of time until I replaced it like that's Terrifying and I had ripped out all our smoke detectors I got so scared cuz I was like you know what's gonna happen is like what you hear on the news is always like the day She ripped out all the smoke detectors. What do you know boom fire smoke? She would have known if she had left them in don't know why she ripped them out They all seem to be fully working I don't want to be that guy so I was trying to put him back in But like the wires don't really fit anywhere you just sort of shove them back into the wall and it's like I guess I just thought everything worked and was like Sound like I feel like I'm not just gonna shove random wires back into the wall I was like ball them up and shove them in I was like okay, just cuz your man doesn't mean we got to do it like this I was like kind of like wine that he was like no literally you have to just push them back into the wall It's not very organized, but apparently it works the only thing that doesn't work in the goddamn fucking brain Like I feel terrified in my own home now I feel like I should really know how the building stands like I don't know why I thought the people above us were only separated by a Piece of corkboard you can buy its staples like their feet touch that and then on the other side is my house Like honestly, I still don't know what's in there And I know a rat died in our wall one time and I was like how much space is in there like what's going on like how How figure are the walls also?
Why are we wasting that much space could our apartment be bigger if you meet the wall's thinner if there's space for rats to make Families and and lose families. There's a lot of dead rats a mom gave birth in the wall There's a whole birth happening in there and it's like who really lives here. What's really happening? And like don't even get me started with like the Wi-Fi or the internet I don't know where it all comes from.
I don't know how to restart it and I hate relying on my husband I mean I don't want to rely on him, but it's just like It's not cuz like he's a man and I'm a woman It's just because like I need to know how to do one thing and I don't know how or why I've come this far without knowing So I'm not dumb. I mean I am but like I'm not I think it's gonna Doesn't interest me to people who know what to fix stuff like to fix things. I'm also a bit scared of it all and I also know Is it my no I was gonna blame my mom that was so bad Oh my god I was gonna blame my mom so maybe she should have been more forceful in teaching me how to fix stuff instead of like Want to check this out and I was like no my brother place nude We're like fucking I don't know try on outfits and look at myself in the mirror and smile at my braces Um, like I feel like she could have been a little more forceful Like you have to learn how to do these things like why isn't that in school and like the lower grades Why aren't you learning like how you learn how to like type and use a computer? Why don't you learn how to like do screws and nuts?
Like that would have been way more helpful than like I don't know like gym class like none of us are none of us are that thing You can just skip it skip it. We're not those people. No one hears worth it Why don't you just have to fucking put in What did you call it an anchor because my god I needed to I need to be anchored But I don't think my mom's fault. I guess I just didn't care So maybe I wish I was the kind of person that cared because now I'm living in a death trap And I can't do anything about it same with my car I drive around acting like if it broke down, I would know anything I don't Know anything.
I don't know where tires is there a tire my trunk to have a spare tire is that something all cars come with? If I pop a tire, how do you know? The first time I used my car took driving lessons in New York, but we never got gas is the thing I know what you're thinking like are you dumb and it's like enough enough enough enough now Like Robin New York City. We don't drive cars.
So I really took lessons and that was the only time I was in the driver's seat of a car like we didn't use them we didn't have them and like When I first went to get gas here In my car Which like you shouldn't fucking have a car if you have to stand at a gas station and pretend to be like just like wasting time Like wall people wait to get gas and like google How do I open the flap on the side of my car because I didn't know how to open the gas tank because there's a little like Lever on the inside behind the dry like on the floor of the driver's seat to open that back flap And I'm like someone should have taught me but I need to stop blaming other people I should know but I didn't know I needed to know until I needed to know and then I had to stand there googling it at the gas station Trying to like put out vibes that I was just like so important I had to be on my phone for a minute and just like wait for people to wait while I wasn't pumping any gas My god, like just to cover up my fucking lack of any knowledge is exhausting And dangerous I just want to know I know you guys are gonna like pretend you know a lot but do you really know that like can you do all of those things? Can you really fix everything for real? I want to know You can just pop around your home flicking fucking switches and screws and knocking hammers into shit and just like Lighting your own way as you go because you're fixing all the light bulbs or like, you know, which ones don't blow because you put the wrong wattage in the wrong hole So I think what we've learned here is that Sometimes a management can suck and that sucks because they're called a management and they're managing nothing Except for their own suck suck-ness. They're managing that quite well because they're doing it a lot often hard all the time And what we've also learned is that Not knowing how to do anything makes it hard to do anything And that's that's when you need a management so you can't be beggars can't be choosers You suck at what you suck at you got to use what you got to use what you have and what you have is sucks hard You're gonna have to suck on it.
I'm gonna don't worry. I'm gonna do some research tonight. I'm gonna like learn like a little Lot of time baby steps and don't lie to me. I want you guys to get back to me tweet at me I don't even ever usually say that but tweet at me if you know how to fix what you don't or be honest about the things you don't know like Okay, super you're super you're an idiot me out, but also I didn't know how to blink Until I learned and then maybe put what age you learned I thought you okay.
I'm gonna go scream at a wall because apparently they're thick filled with dead rats Thanks for listening. Stay smart. Do what you and stop See you next week