Why 'Do As You’re Told' Doesn’t Work: Rethinking Challenging Behaviour

Why “just do as you’re told” doesn’t work — and what to do instead. If you're a caregiver, teacher or parent exhausted by difficult behaviour, this episode is for you. In this solo episode, Andy Baker (behaviour specialist, author, and trainer) challenges the outdated scripts we've inherited around control, punishment, and compliance — and shares a powerful mindset shift that actually works. From his own story of being mugged at knifepoint to practical insights for managing aggression, defiance, or withdrawal, Andy explores how a person-centred, trauma-informed approach to behaviour support can improve outcomes for everyone — including you. Whether you work in a care home, a classroom or your own home, this episode helps you move from reactivity to reflection, from “what’s wrong with you?” to “what’s going on for you?” 📚 Resources Mentioned: Book: Targeting the Positive: With Behaviours That Challenge by Andy Baker Able Training: www.able-training.co.uk/podcast 💡 Three Key Messages: Challenging behaviour is subjective – what we find difficult often says more about us than the person we’re supporting. Old logic harms connection – the “do as you’re told” mindset leads to fear, shutdown or escalation. New logic builds trust – curiosity, empathy, and focusing on needs (not punishment) create better outcomes for everyone. ⏱️ Timestamps (Chapters): 00:00 – The problem with “just being difficult” 01:20 – Andy’s story: being mugged, fear, and the start of a career in behaviour 02:00 – What does “challenging behaviour” actually mean? 04:00 – Subjectivity, values, and why we label behaviour 06:00 – Task-focused vs. person-centred: why we get stuck 07:30 – The pause: learning to respond, not react 09:00 – From punishment to curiosity: the ‘new logic’ in behaviour 11:00 – The danger of “should” and “must” scripts 12:00 – Maladaptive vs. disliked behaviour 13:00 – The cultural lens: are our expectations even right? 14:00 – 3 mindset shifts to start using tomorrow 15:10 – How “Targeting the Positive” can help you become the weatherman of behaviour 🎯 Why Listen to This Episode? If you’ve ever thought “why won’t they just behave?” — you’re not alone. This episode gives you a practical, mindset-shifting framework that moves beyond punishment and helps you better support children, adults, or anyone with distressed or confusing behaviour. It’s compassionate, empowering, and refreshingly honest. 🔗 Stay Connected: 📲 Instagram: @AbleTraining 📲 LinkedIn: Able Training 📲 TikTok: @AbleToCarePodcast 🌐 Website: AbleTraining