Why moving the goalposts in relationships makes you doubt yourself

If you have ever felt confused or inadequate because someone kept changing expectations on you, this NASM podcast episode explains why people move the goalposts in relationships and how it impacts your self-worth. In this episode of “Strong Mind, Strong Body,” host Angie Miller (licensed therapist and wellness expert) dives into the psychological reasons behind constantly shifting standards, known as "moving the goalposts," and why approval-seeking is a normal part of human nature. Listeners will learn about concepts like the double bind, the belongingness hypothesis, and conditions of worth, all backed by research and relatable real-life examples. Angie also discusses how these dynamics show up at work, in partnerships, and with authority figures, and clarifies that wanting approval is not a flaw but a part of being human. By the end of the episode, you’ll be able to recognize when someone is shifting the standards on you and take the first steps toward protecting your well-being—while understanding these dynamics from a practical and research-based lens, relevant to both NASM professionals and anyone navigating relationships. Chapters: 00:01:35 Why does it feel so disorienting when people make you decide, then criticize your decisions? 00:05:02 How does moving the goalposts affect people who want to please others? 00:06:30 Is seeking approval a weakness or normal human wiring? 00:08:40 What does research say about our need for acceptance and self-esteem? 00:10:12 How can your strengths make you vulnerable to moved goalposts? 00:11:03 What is the "internalized scorecard" and how does it impact self-worth? 00:12:59 What is a double bind, and why is it so hard to escape? 00:15:03 Why do people stay when approval is inconsistent? 00:18:08 Where does this happen outside close relationships—including at work? 00:19:26 Are people always moving the goalposts on purpose? 00:23:00 What is the first step to protecting yourself from shifting standards? 00:24:40 How can recognizing these patterns help you grow stronger? If you like what you just consumed, leave us a 5-star review, and share this episode with a friend to help grow our NASM health and wellness community! The content shared in this podcast is solely for educational and entertainment purposes. It is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek out the guidance of your healthcare provider or other qualified professional. Any opinions expressed by guests and hosts are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of NASM. The most trusted name in fitness is now expanding into the wellness world. Become an NASM Certified Wellness Coach and you’ll be able to guide and motivate clients to make lasting changes through mental and emotional well-being, recovery, and more. https://bit.ly/3EA0hTY