Why try so hard to be an Extra?

I hope everyone gets through the false close and into the last 90sec thought.Talking my way through my desire to be an extra on someone else's set vs spending more energy on my own main character. Despite trying to bullshit myself that I am fine or don't, there are a handful of indicators and signals that I'm in fault.I feel repurposed and energized moving forward after this one.I want to be my own main character so I can author the story that sets conditions for my children and immediate loved ones to have the opportunity for the best possible story for themselves.