Crooked Butterfly Podcast

A lot going on in the world and life the last 2 weeks. Spent a good part of that time ruminating on a comment I received regarding the last episode.

Such a narrow narrow mindset.

Or maybe, there always doesn't have to be a lesson in everything all the time - so just flow a little bit.

Do Hard Things. Doing Hard for the sake of Hard is not really what it's about.It needs to be purposeful and is relative. Today's hard isn't the same as yesterdays. And the purpose may or may not be the same as it was.Just some thoughts as I am incredibly excited for The Spine UK in an way I can't quite describe or put my finger on.

Just some babble about not being so reactive with our opinions that it causes us to be irresponsible with our actions.

Maybe it's just that I'm getting old and out of touch. Maybe not.

Happy New Year Everyone.Some thoughts leading into Christmas and the 2026 New Year.

The more I observe and talk about these things, the more I think I sound like my father.

Sharing why I decided to start fasting once a week for 36 hours and where it took me.

I was checking in with myself around being so irritable, grumpy, negative, and complainy the past few days and made a commitment to auto-correct. Sharing my thought process and steps to unwind it all.It was working great until I went to Whole Foods...

I get asked quite a bit about how to create culture.The simple answer is you don't create it, you're living it.You don't start out with a blueprint of how to create a culture. You begin by living the values you've spent time thinking about and invested in upholding ruthlessly and consistently. 

If you give a little of something you have to someone who needs a little of that something - the net value is greater.It might not work with the numbers & maths, but it's absolutely true for the things that matter most. 

Call it whatever you want, it still is so much more than can be described.You can't use loyalty to capture it and likely a distorted concept of loyalty would ruin what would be the greater part of the sentiment.Using our recent Annual Elk Camp Trip to try to build the picture of what I'm trying to talk about. Maybe it wasn't as well spoken as it feels or sits in my head & heart.

I generally have to manage my first reaction & pop up thoughts anytime someone talks to me with their arms folded across their chest or hands on their hips. More so with strangers than with knowns, but even still.There's  lot of suggested non verbal communication and room for misinterpretation for sure. However, the majority of the time there's a trend or pattern of something - righteousness, dominance, arrogance, ego, know it all, excessive confidence...I constantly have to fight this feeling of "do you know who you're talking to?" or "look at you, you smug..." and miss out on half of what's discussed.Then that makes me question that if I'm having these thoughts in response, what does it suggest I think about myself in the same regard?

A little clean up from last week's ending.People are messy. Life is complex. I believe that most people are good and well intended. Driven be self-interest to varying degrees, but that doesn't necessarily mean we are wrong or bad.Giving some tolerance & allowance for each other and ourselves to be messy w/o a major character flaw indictment, to be personally ok when others show up and elicit some sort of injury within ourselves, and not having to invent some narrative about another to dismiss them or loft ourselves.Humanness

Kind of a babble this evening talking about spam email & phone calls through feeling guilty or held hostage by those free return labels that come in the mail.Not sure what prompted me to start a little rant about shit talkers and gossip champs leading into 'consider the source'. But maybe there's a full circle in there somewhere.Mostly not a heavy or deep session other than just listening to myself talk to let things out.

I've been asked for my thoughts/opinions regarding the Pete Hegseth address in Quantico last week. I was reluctant to share for the better part of the last few days as I am with the Tim Kennedy Stolen Valor discussion. But here I am, not speaking about it politically and almost as a bit of a continuation from last weeks struggle bus regarding the world & our country's state of the human element. 'Holding the Middle Ground' is much different than 'Fence Sitting'. I use holding vs occupying or standing in. To hold something insinuates intention. Much the same as fence sitting implies simply waiting to fall on the side with the greatest favor or probability of winning. I suppose we could swap out middle ground for common ground, but I am choosing middle much because I don't believe those in the middle are aware of or invested with anything in common.Add value, not noise. Just thought I'd poke that out there as well.

Seems like the world is crazy and so full of ignorance, hate, & confusion. Not sure what it's all about, how we got here, or if even half of it isn't just sensationalized.The last few weeks I can't seem to shake the 'looping' on it all. In my head, when I try to break away from productivity sprints to refresh & refocus, I feel consumed with frustration and sadness; even anger, about the "news" (if that is actually is) and how people get so consumed.

After a long break, I'm digging back into sharing stories and my internal dialogue about life, leadership, and random thoughts.During my break I haven't been just slacking off; Connor and I have been writing a book on Leadership and these Identity Circles I've been working on. I've been engaged with a lot of material with Diesel Day & 'Checking In w/ the Left Hand' Framework, as well as, putting an incredible amount of energy into the Big Fish Foundation and personal growth.Connor & I have also started up a Substack account where we're sharing short articles generated from conversations and ideas we shared during our weekly book writing sessions and what would have generally been topics of this podcast.Since I've been off this BuzzSprout platform things have changed a little and seemed to have been updated with more capability. Excited to see where we can polish up things a bit. Anyways, here we go... 

Some story telling and reflections that a Wolf Spider gave me regarding Resilience and Persistence.How we've let learned behaviors get transferred into areas of our lives where they don't belong...

Wrapping up a year of sobriety and processing the take-aways that I couldn't have scripted going into the journey.

I'm at no shortage of receiving conversations about what I could, should, or need to being doing; personally & professionally.Most of the time I'm required to wonder if I'm getting opinion, advice, or counsel.What I'm finding as a common theme is that the more someone offers answers vs questions, the quality ( for my best interest ) of what they are delivering goes lower and lower.

Coming out of the trough (again) after a few really hard weeks of trying to simply hold on. As I get better and better at managing/ navigating these times I somehow still keep finding myself back in them.After a recent procedure in Annapolis, I'm finding myself happier & more productive than I've been in the past few years. I'm also in a place recognizing what needs to happen to break the cycle of going back there instead of just adding more load to this new increased capacity I have.

Coming back from running a 40h marathon in TN and sharing some thoughts, observations, and where I'm focusing on personal growth.

Talking about the importance of Self Care not only for a leader but also as an example for their people. it's about creating an appropriate balance to keep operating levels for individuals at a high.We also introduce setting good boundaries for leaders and their relationships. Healthy boundaries that support growth, expectations, & professional relationships through consistency.

Connor and I exploring out loud trying to tease the subtleties & nuances that differentiate experts and masters. Not the sheer skill aspect, more of the 'soft' skills/ traits as it helps us inform our discussion on Leadership.

We what happens when we reward; whether it's through praise, recognition, opportunity, award, etc.  always results and absent effort? Same thing holds true in reverse. What are the unintended consequences on our audience that is excluded in the reward.It's not as simple as acknowledging everyone for their unique contributions. And, everyone is wired to respond differently to different types of rewards. When you really start to think about the ins and outs with all the different perspectives you can see how we end up in a mediocrity system too often.

Talking about how to listen. Truly listen with the intent to engage and understand vs respond.It's a fundamental step to earning trust & respect."Seek first to understand and not respond." ~Stephen Covey

Spending 90 min grinding aways at some more basics: Don't Lie, Cheat, or Steal; it's all Stealing, Grey Areas, Who am I circles, and a few more things and tying them into Being a Good Human Being as a core competency to Leadership.

Digging in on "Being A Good Human Being".Specifically, common courtesy, decency, & respect and how it ties into "caring" as a key component of Leadership.

Connor & I picked back up on our writing project. We are going to record our writing development sessions together; essentially the content we are discussing shaping for a leadership book. We figured we would also publish these as a podcast for a few reasons.1. Help us stay honest and on task ,2. Shape our organization & collect our content,3. Open it up for people to respond, critique, inject, and give general feedback,4. Ultimately stay authentic to our purpose & intent behind the project in the first place: share thoughts with other in hopes to add value and/ or perspective.This first recorded session is generally about the why and the what behind the theme of the book. In the end, not all the material will get published via podcast and it will all go through a pretty rigorous editing process.

Sharing a few short thoughts about what mentorship is and isn't. Not sure I'm really digging deep enough into it, but wanted to hear out loud the looping that was going on in my head while splitting some wood.

Some thoughts and reflections on this year's annual Event & Fundraiser. Looking to have a few guests to help polish out the perspectives and ideas to fully memorialize the event.

Recognizing all the good that's going on, however small or seemingly insignificant, is pretty much my first step when trying to settle the pressure in my head.Ultimately, this is just a sharing to get to the point that you just keep holding until a shiny beacon of light arrives. And if you live a few moments that don't require having to hold on, look to shine a little light onto someone's dark corner.

Largely some ramble as I sort through talking about what Optimal Conditions Only is and how it is going to lead into much of the Hard Way Project methodology.I've talked before about a Smarter Hard. Not the obstinate or ignorant 'Tommy Tuff Nutz' sort of hard. On the other end of the spectrum are those that become psychologically stressed (and even put into duress) when conditions are sub-optimal. They perform only under Optimal Conditions Only (OCO).

I hadn't seen Connor but only once since returning from the Talisker and wanted to reconnect; we always share cool conversations together when 1:1. He gets me thinking in a different way sometimes when he asks his questions.So, after some Mexican food and a few beers we decided to take our 'Winning" conversation to the recording table.It's nice to have someone to go back and forth with to help shape and evolve thoughts and how we articulate.

You don't look to go into the Pain Cave. And you don't thrive in the Pain Cave. If you think you do then you have never been in it, you've only waited in line or stood in the antechamber.Too many people pound their chests and use the Pain Cave chatter to make themselves and others think better of themselves; to get special attention and applause.if you've ever actually been in the Pain Cave, you know so much different about it.

Sharing thoughts on how I define 'Winning' and why.Defining our terms so not to arbitrarily or accidentally dilute them so that they can inform our behavior, ultimately to support our intent towards reaching goals; desired results.This is the start at scratching out words for manuscript.

Starting up Season 5 after a limited contribution last year.It's been almost 3 weeks now since finishing up our row across the Atlantic Ocean. What an incredible experience and a pretty cool accomplishment.Sharing a bit of a long (not long enough to be the full) recall of much of the race.

Just a bunch of stuff that I've had on my mind for the last 3 weeks.

I 'm pretty sure we've all heard and/or used the phrase "An empty well can fill another's cup." Or something to that effect. I never really thought of my well ever really getting that close to dangerously low or empty. And if it was I never thought I would say out loud or to others that I just needed space because I don't have anything right now to give. And the presumed guilt I would have if I did say something as such and I left someone in the wind for worse.Well, here I go...

Had an opportunity to talk to Connor to capture some thoughts on Diesel Days, Big Fish Fundraiser and a few random happenings after he processed the past few weeks with a handful of other participants on his own 'Project Warman Podcast'.I'm a fan of this young man.

The last few weeks/month I've been struggling with a lot of internal dialogue regarding whether I'm Ok: not as OK as I think I am and/or more OK than 'they' want or need  me to be.I dunno. But, I promise, I'm not not OK and fundamentally the things I'm working through are normal and natural; not requiring to be 'solved' or 'fixed'. Just better appreciated & understood.

Finally recording some thoughts regarding a podcast I listened to a few months ago.Naval Ravikant - How to Build Wealth @Jorgenson's SoundboxBoyd Varty - The Lion Tracker's Guide to Life on @ The Tim Ferris Show

I've been thinking a lot about exploring capacity, experiences, and margins. Specifically in regards to these challenges and physical events I find myself endeavoring towards. A sense of adventure that keeps getting greater and greater. Maybe my appetite is nearing full, for now, and I want to enjoy the campaigns I've already uncovered?

First podcast in a while; January. Felt good to find this again and just some ramble about tasks and being busy.Committed to digging in again and not falling into my own trap of moving goalposts.

Just a little conversation how I see things when it comes to thinking we're special.

Not sure what the New Year will bring in regards to episodes, but I guarantee they will be authentic.

A massive ramble as I am working on a couple of things still in my head.Necessity or Genuine Desire as an essential requirement for true change?Then somehow I ended up on Informed vs Influenced which is really bothering me as I navigate social media, ignorance, manipulative news sources...Hopefully I will have some stuff cleaned up over the next few weeks.

Pulling from the IG post yesterday to elaborate a little.Why feign to fit in when it creates a dissonance inside yourself, assumes a lot about what other's intentions & fancy, and over time increases in effort to upkeep?Just be You, for whoever that You is right now, endeavoring to be safe, good & happy and attract naturally those that share like common interests & values.