Why We Self-Sabotage (It’s Not What You Think) | Charlie Heriot-Maitland

Why do we self-sabotage, criticise ourselves, or even create chaos in our own lives — sometimes right when things matter most?In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, I sit down with clinical psychologist Dr Charlie Heriot-Maitland to explore his powerful new book Controlled Explosions in Mental Health. Together, we unpack a surprising and compassionate idea: that many of the things we struggle with — procrastination, self-criticism, pessimism, even self-harm — may actually be our brain’s way of protecting us from something it views as even more painful.Charlie introduces the concept of “controlled explosions” — targeted, self-directed harms designed to prevent bigger feared threats like rejection, failure, humiliation, or retraumatisation. Drawing on evolutionary psychology and Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT), we explore how understanding these patterns can reduce shame and help us relate to our minds in a more compassionate and effective way.Along the way, Charlie and I reflect on our own experiences of writing and publishing books — and how self-sabotage can show up in surprisingly subtle ways, like procrastinating near the finish line or even holding back from promoting something we care deeply about. These moments bring the theory to life, showing how these “protective” processes can quietly shape our choices, often in ways we don’t immediately recognise.We also dive into the idea of the “bomb squad” — different parts of the mind (like the procrastinator, pessimist, or inner critic) that step in to protect us — and why trying to simply “get rid” of these patterns often leads to more struggle. Instead, Charlie outlines a compassionate approach of noticing, understanding, and helping — turning towards the underlying fears rather than fighting the symptoms.This is a thoughtful and deeply relatable conversation about why our minds work the way they do — and how compassion can help us work with our minds, rather than against them. Timestamps:00:00 Welcome and Guest Intro02:05 New Book Overview02:46 Controlled Explosions Metaphor06:46 Eureka Origin Story08:56 Evolution and Deshaming11:26 Bomb Squad Characters13:46 Self Sabotage Unit22:29 Self Criticism Unit28:56 Whack a Mole and Root Causes33:24 Parts Work and Personifying36:48 Continuum and Common Humanity41:03 Compassionate Practice Tools48:16 Therapy Applications and ClosingLinks:Dr Charlie Heriot-Maitland’s website:https://charlieheriotmaitland.com/Relating to Voices Using CFT (Heriot-Maitland & Longden, 2022)https://charlieheriotmaitland.com/books/relating-to-voices-using-compassion-focused-therapy/Controlled Explosions in Mental Health (Heriot-Maitland, 2026)https://charlieheriotmaitland.com/books/controlled-explosions-in-mental-health/If you would like to learn more about compassion focused therapy, you can find Dr Stan Steindl's book The Gifts of Compassion here: https://www.ausapress.com/p/the-gifts-of-compassion-how-to-understand-and-overcome-suffering/ Say hi on social: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drstansteindl Twitter/X: https://twitter.com/StanSteindl Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr_stan_steindl/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stan-steindl-150a5264/ Website: https://www.stansteindl.com/ YouTube Video URL: [link] *Affiliate Disclaimer: Note this description contains affiliate links that allow you to find the items mentioned in this video and support the channel at no cost to you. While this channel may earn minimal sums when the viewer uses the links, the viewer is in no way obligated to use these links. Thank you for your support! Hashtags:compassionfocusedtherapy, selfsabotage, selfcriticism, mentalhealth, psychologypodcast, compassion