Why We Stay: The Truth About Emotionally Abusive Relationships

Send us Fan Mail Staying in an unhealthy relationship is not always as simple as knowing you should leave. In this episode, Dr. Nicole shares why she stayed in an emotionally abusive and toxic marriage for almost 30 years. We explore the reasons that can keep women in these relationships, including hoping things will change, feeling responsible for fixing or saving their partner, unhealthy attachment, trauma bonding, religion, finances, children, and not recognizing the abuse for what it is. Together, we look at how these patterns can become normalized over time and why even high-achieving women can find themselves questioning what they are experiencing. This episode is a reminder that understanding why you stayed can be an important part of understanding what you need next. Topics Covered: 00:00:00 – Episode snippet 00:02:45 – Understanding emotional abuse 00:05:18 – The 10 reasons why women stay 00:07:31 – Reason #1: Things are not always bad 00:12:09 – Reason #2: Hoping things will change 00:14:54 – Reason #3: Love vs. unhealthy attachment 00:19:11 – Reason #4: Trauma bonding 00:26:20 – Reason #5: The desire to fix or save 00:30:56 – Reason #6: Religion keeps you stuck 00:34:46 – Reason #7: Financial barriers 00:36:53 – Reason #8: Children and family ties 00:39:23 – Reason #9: Feelings of unworthiness 00:41:20 – Reason #10: Lack of awareness 00:44:38 – Normalizing unhealthy behavior 00:45:39 – Recognizing the signs in yourself or others 00:47:24 – Your Next Chapter Live Is Coming Key Takeaways: “The trauma bond is an unhealthy bond with an abusive person that leaves you searching for the next fix.” “You are made to feel that you are both responsible for their bad behavior and that you are the only person that can fix it.” “It's not just that I thought I was the fixer, I was conditioned to be the fixer.” “There is a level of unworthiness that allows us to stay. We stay because we don't even feel that we deserve more.” Mentioned Episodes: Episode 2: Worthy: Reclaiming Your Joy After Divorce https://podcasts.apple.com/ph/podcast/worthy-reclaiming-your-joy-after-divorce/id1775311850?i=1000676483085 Episode 21: Break Every Chain with Patrick Weaver https://podcasts.apple.com/ph/podcast/break-every-chain-the-bible-divorce-and-emotional-abuse/id1775311850?i=1000702502192 Domestic Violence Hotline: Call 800-799-SAFE (7233) or Text ‘START’ to 88788 ✨Season 5 Sponsor: Our Season 5 sponsor is FirstLight Home Care of Bowie. They are a Black-woman owned non-medical home care agency serving families throughout Prince George’s County, MD since 2017. They offer specialized in-home care for individuals navigating: Dementia and Alzheimer’s Disease, Parkinson’s Disease, Stroke Recovery, and Diabetes. Please visit their website or call 301-778-1988 for more information. Join our email list to stay up to date: bit.ly/joinYNC ☕ Support the podcast here: Buy Me a Coffee About Your Host Dr. Nicole is a pediatrician, the owner of a successful healthcare consulting company, a riveting keynote and TEDx speaker, and the mom of two beautiful young adult daughters. From the outside, she appeared to have it all. But in 2023 she faced the most difficult challenge of her life- ending a 28-year marriage and navigating heartbreak, deception, and loss. Dr. Nicole is committed to creating a safe space where other women who have experienced a “divine disruption” can heal, recover, and THRIVE! Connect with Dr. Nicole: Linktree: https://linktr.ee/yournextchap Your nEXt Chapter podcast explores the challenges and triumphs women face as they reclaim joy, reimagine the future, and redefine their identity after divorce and other unexpected life transitions. Join Dr. Nicole as she shares insights from her journey as a high-achieving professional woman navigating divorce while walking in her Christian faith. Support the show